Forged,
As I said this weekend, congratulations. There are many here who wish their wayward spouses would leave the fog and return to the marriage as yours has. So continue to take the right steps towards recovery fully implementing the program with consistent UA time and all of the accountability in place.

Since your wife has had multiple affairs, you will always need to be on this. Remember that serial cheaters are not so much addicted to one person as they are addicted to the high of an affair. You will always have to be vigilant.

It is well past time for an update. Things have not improved here at all. I am sure I will get blasted for all of the woulda shoulda couldas.. but this is where we are.

WW refused to sell the house and move. We are still here. I have no evidence of continued affair, but it doesn't even matter at this point. I am sure if that A is over, she is looking forward to another.

Since last update, WW has drifted farther away, and is saying she doesn't know what she wants anymore. I have not moved toward D because I do not want to miss a minute of my sweet children's lives. There are no EN being met here. We are basically separated in the same house. WW sleeps on the far edge of the bed, often on top of the sheet, and if I touch her, she immediately says she is exhausted.

I know what I need to do , but my heart breaks at the thought of missing time with the twins.

There are no EPs in effect anymore. Surveillance (that had been fruitless) was discovered and increased her withdrawal.

I'm not sure even why I am posting here, except that I don't have anyone to confide in. WW agreed to go to a Weekend to Remember, but that seems pretty pointless.

Forged, sorry to hear this update.

It sounds very much like the affair is still on - which wouldn't be surprising given the proximity of the OM.

What are you doing to snoop?

It DOES matter, very much so. This man has a history of sexual abuse and if I remember correctly, your WW has had your kids around him before.

I had a VAR deployed, but it was discovered. She no longer allows me to look at her phone. I monitor the call and text log, for what its worth. My kids are aware of the situation with OM, and tell me every time they go anywhere near his property. They have not seen him or made any sort of contact with him. I am looking into other methods for gathering proof. I am also going to consult with an attorney.

I need to determine how much of my spirit I am willing to lose to this endeavor. Every day it chips away more. Despite my desire to keep our family together, there is no love here anymore.

If this OM has a history of sexual abuse, why don't you have an order of protection prohibiting him from being with 1000 feet of the kids Forged? Seems like that would be a slam dunk.

Unfortunately, since OM was convicted of a lesser offense, unlawful dealing with a minor, he was not forced to register. Do to that, and the time passed since conviction, I don't believe I have a case for the order of protection. My evidence of OM threats against me is not admissible.

Did you ever Plan A your wife? It seems like you have completely given up on any kind of Plan A. I am guessing post affair, most WW's would go into a withdrawn stage if their spouse was acting in this manner. Whether it seems fair or not, WW's need to be drawn back into the marriage, and that does not seem to be happening here at all.

Your choices, as you probably know are:

1) Plan A, draw her back into the marriage by being a great husband to her, while also using surveillance to make sure the affair is over.
2) Do nothing, as you are, and the result will be, as it is, a lifetime of unhappiness until one of you has an affair or divorces.
3) Divorce.

I can assure you that #2 is in no way BETTER for your kids than option #3.

You need to get spyware on all her devices. Having her "let you look at her phone" is pointless since she can delete anything she wants. What can you do to get spyware on her devices?

I extensively did plan A. I made significant and lasting changes in my behavior and attitude. D Day was over a year ago. During the first few months, things really changed between us. Then she met with OM again, and things went downhill. After that she was distant. Then she discovered VAR and completely withdrew.

Right now, I am not sure how to "draw her back into the marriage" since she will not allow me to meet her EN, nor will she even complete the EN questionnaire.

I am not sure how to get spyware on her phone. She does not properly manage her storage, and does not even have room to do updates. She discovered the spyware last time do to a glitch with Webwatcher, and I am sure she is diligently scrutinizing her device for any signs of ware. Not to mention that I would be hard pressed to pry it out of her hands.

Vehicle devices are only good to show me where she parks her car. I am guessing she regularly checks her vehicle now as well thanks to VAR discovery.

Forged, it is very obvious to me that the affair never really ended. A wayward who behaves this way, so close to D-day, when you live very close to the OP, is still in contact. You should just assume that's the case until you can prove otherwise.

While that is good, it only takes one minute for something very bad to happen. You have a wayward spouse and a OM with a history of sex crimes and violence - I would be taking this very seriously, if I were in your position.

I think your marriage takes a back seat now to making sure your girls are safe.

All of this is very relevant in a divorce case where custody, moving etc are issues that the family law judge may end up deciding for your situation.

I would do everything in your power to get proof of the affair continuing, file for divorce/separation and get your girls as far away from the OM as you can - you need to move ANYWAY if you want to have any hope for your M. It is possible your WW will pick up and follow you guys.

I agree with SusieQ.

Since WW was coming around until she met with OM again, and has since completely withdrawn regardless of your actions and is acting wayward once again, I think it is prudent to assume the affair is still ON. Honestly, you would have no way of knowing since you have no spyware in place.

So what do you want to do here?

He has also threatened you with violence.

You need to do whatever you can to get your kids away from this guy.

The burden of proof in civil matters is often different than it would be for a criminal charge. Have you discussed this with a lawyer if a judge would even consider the other man's record? He does have a conviction for misconduct with a minor even if he is not a registered sex offender.

I have an appointment scheduled with a lawyer. I have the criminal history documents ready, as well as a few screenshots of texts. I saved the text with his threat to me, but now it is gone. I don't know if WW deleted it. I will try some forensic searching for it.

I'm trying to get a handle on my next steps. My kids safety is my first priority. I'm pretty much done hoping to save the marriage. She has bled out all of my love for her. Even if she gets herself together I think it may be too late.

I appreciate the help from this community, and welcome all advice moving forward.

Still I wait. Out of 9 lawyers only 1 called me back. My appointment is Friday morning.

I asked WW why she agreed to go to Weekend to Remember. Her answer chilled me. She said she has lost her love for me. She said she has been trying to make it work. I said that she had not done anything for our M since January. She agreed and said that she didn't think she would ever love me again.

My immediate concern is for the safety of my kids. I will have to wait until Friday to see if there is any legal options to keep OM out of their lives.

Since WW discovered the VAR and ware, I am not sure how to proceed with verification of A. She claims she is still NC, but I seriously doubt it.

I am anxious to meet with the lawyer. My last post said Friday, but I meant next Friday. I don't have a lot of hope for legal avenues to keep OM away.

The attorney said it would be likely that the court would be willing to issue a TRO against OM once proceedings started. I am scrambling to liquidate to pay the 5K retainer.

Kids said that they have not seen OM at all in a long time, but it could happen any time.

I prayed that it wouldn't come to this, but here we are.

Please help me decide if it is worth hiring a PI to get facts on continuing A. I'm not sure if the info would help me during D, unless I was looking for sole custody. I would like to end the A wether D or not, and my evidence collection is hindered now due to my sloppy work and faulty ware.

The wisdom of the advice offered here often falls on deaf ears. I am guilty of ignoring some advice, partially following some directions, and generally messing up plans.

WW swore she was done with OM, and there was no indication that she made contact with him. Over time she started breaking EP. She began hiding her phone, and clearly hiding a SSL. I had finally saved up enough money for attorney when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I put everything on hold to see her through the surgery. Her recovery has been slow and her medicine makes her very irritable and tired, so she had no time for me.

I was just informed today by a friend that she has proof that WW and her husband are having an affair. I have screenshots of IM conversations. WW has deleted them from her account, but these were clearly from her. OM is separated from W.

I am done. I should have followed suggestions and had D last year. I'm planning on exposure and then D. Does it make sense to expose even if there is nothing left to save?