I have no haters in my life, it is as Indie says in her post, just uneducated acquaintances in passing that hear "im getting a divorce" "why" "he cheated" "oh im so sorry to here that" "me: yes its very sad" "you can't forgive/work it out" "me: its not me its him, and ive tried."

Everyone in my life (and WHs) is fully supportive of me, but understandably, most do not think I should take him back at this point and do not really know what to say to make me feel any better.

MIL is plan Bed. No one else in my life right now besides my IM/sister has any contact with WH.

I gave my sister all social media passwords so I can't even get on.

WH sent a letter to my attorney today requesting overnights and proposing a schedule for the future. I'm actually surprised he took the initiative. Its such a weird paradox, I dont want him to have them, but at the same time I hate him for not wanting to have them and for being a father that could stand to go 6 months without putting his kids to bed. Unfortunately, this means contact with my attorney in the near future is inevitable. I will still contact BH as planned tomorrow and will respond to my attorney with my conditions for overnights (not the adoption timing, I will drop that). That will also give me the opportunity to tell him he is not authorized to communicate with WH regarding any RO, and I will tell him I do not want to hear anything about it either.

I feel really crappy right now. It is the same anxious feeling as earlier Plan B attempts. However, I am fully aware now the effects of breaking Plan B and I do not want this cycle to continue so I will be stronger this time. Having a bit of a taste of a dark Plan B makes me motivated to get back to that and be rid of this feeling, once and for all.

I'm going to work on a written out script tonight of exactly what to say to BH, if anyone has any suggestions let me know. I'm sure my number is blocked, so I will have to call from other numbers and I think there is a good chance he wont answer. I think he is very afraid of angering OW by talking to me and I think he may not voluntarily. In that event what should I do? My choices as I see them are 1) leave a voicemail, 2) email, 3) Contact OW brother/Mother and tell them (OW brother I think will talk to me, he was very supportive) but of course I dont like any of those alternatives because there is no way to verify that he knows. Any other suggestions?

Tell them you don't want to talk about THAT (a lie presently, but it won't be soon) and that they should plan lots of lovely fun things for you and keep you busy. Do you know anyone who really makes you laugh? I mean, you can cry in the shower without any help, when you get together with folks it should be fun.

Ok just spoke to OWBH. He knew that its physical, knew that it was ongoing but didn't know she had been to his apartment. He knew that WH and I had talked and he tried to reconcile with me, but OW told him I didn't want him back. He says he has confronted my H in person. Sounds like she tells him everything which is sooo weird. He says she texts him right in front of him. OWH said he sent WH an email yesterday saying to stay away and OW confirmed he got it. This is so strange. She clearly is able to get her cake and eat it too, so why would she ever stop?

What do i tell him to do? I get that men should Plan A but isn't her blatantly contacting WH in front of him just too much? I told him i think he should tell her he will file for divorce if she does not end contact with my WH and put in place conditions for NC, but i dont know if thats correct.

I dont think OWBH will tell her or WH we have been in contact, but i want them to know that i will always share info with him. How/Should i do that while in Plan B? i kinda want to write OW that email that i never did. Though its against my attorneys advice to contact her, but ill do it.

That is exactly what he should do. She has no reason to end her affair because he is a cuck. He isn't even trying.

Did you send her a copy of your Plan B letter? I would send her that with a little note :

"I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for that chance."

Ugh, the Plan B letter. Feels like ages ago when I wrote that, and to a different person. It seems almost in genuine to say those things now. I do want the affair to end and if WH became a better man I would give our marriage and family a chance. But saying I love him with all my heart and will wait for that chance? I cant stomach writing that. Cant I write something else to her personally? I dont necessarily want to go off on her, but just something so they both know I won't let them get away with their lies and will always contact OWBH, their families, and tell our children the truth when I know they are lying. And I would love to send her more cute pictures of me and WH together

Alright I just have to post it here because I can't tell anyone else because it will just be too much. OWBH said OW and WH got matching tattoos!! Now I know for sure he has lost his mind. WH was a mormon missionary!! He is so clean cut he would never even grow facial hair and has always commented about not liking tattoos. This is just out of this world. I laughed hysterically when OWBH told me.

He also told me that WH RECORDED our conversation when we talked for 3 hours, but only the 1st half hour, so OW did not hear the 2.5 hours of him trying to talk his way back and him telling me all the things he missed about me and our life. This is kind of insane. Is this even normal wayward behavior? And for OW to be as it sounds, literally giving BH a play by play of their affair? Have you ever heard of this before? I know it doesn't matter in the scheme of things but all of this is so unbelievable. It really just makes me laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

They can all stay in their crazy love triangle for all I care. Just too bad I have to share my kids with this psycho.

I like the picture idea actually. It's inspired. It says a thousand words including those you don't want to write. Maybe caption it with "I am quite willing to outwait your little affair". You don't need to spell out that you will pass intel. Let your actions show that.

I used the standard wording and also didn't mean it. I never got to the place of meaning it either but I'm glad I did it. It was strategic and gave them something to worry about and fight amongst themselves with instead of attacking me.

That is super gross. Maybe you will never see it? You could have your sister stipulate its removal before he ever comes near you. Doing out of character stuff is par for the wayward course though.

The other stuff is pretty standard too. Male wayward trying to convince both mistress and wife he loves them with the same breath = so very much in the WH handbook of basic manoeuvres.

Female waywards are different and fly the banner of how much they love OM (while helping themselves to the lifestyle and comforts provided by BH). This thing where she stays under his roof and is cruelly blatant is something which is quite typical, yes.

I�m actually dying to see it (don�t worry I won�t try 😀). I do think it�s hilarious and just confirms all the more to Me that WH as I knew him is gone.

I hope he keeps it forever, if we are together or not. A scarlet letter to always remind him of what he has done.

Here is what i am thinking of writing to OW:

I talked to OWBH yesterday, it had been bothering me that maybe he didn�t know that you affair was ongoing. After everything I have gone through, I will NEVER allow another person to be denied crucial information about their life if I can help it. We both know of your continuing adultery, your dirty hotels, that you have been to WH�s apartment, your ridiculous tattoos. (WH with a tattoo!, lol)

I talked to your mom and brother for hours in July. They are such good people. They told me about your fake boobs, your attempted money extortions, how you never were this kind of person before. I already know how much WH has changed under the influence of your relationship. Watching how both of you, two people who came from great families, have loving spouses, beautiful children, all the things that so many other people would kill for, just to throw it away out of lust and greed. It has made me believe in the devil as I never have before.

I have cried for WH a lot. I know I am strong and can survive either outcome and will make the best life possible for my children under these circumstances. But when your relationship ends, and it most surely will, and he is left with the broken pieces of what was. I dont know how he will live with himself.

How will you feel, OW? When this is all over. How can either of you look into the faces of your children, knowing what you are doing? I cannot fathom, as a mother, having 2 tiny daughters and cruising chat rooms in the middle of night and getting [censored] pics from random men. I can�t comprehend what would make a woman do that. I dont know you or much about your life, but there is something wrong there.

I dont believe at your core, either of you are bad people. But you are and will continue to be as long as you continue to have contact with one another. If i could be divorced this minute I would. I do not want to be attached in any way to this WH. But that doesn�t mean i dont hope, and will probably always hope that he finds the strength to be the man I thought I married. I love that man, the same way I love my children. I am fiercely loyal and will do anything for the people I love; including WH. I have withdrawn from him for my own sake, and our children, but also for his. He needs to find the strength himself to cut all ties with you, and prevent any sources of contact, as should you. I know you and OWBH love each other. I dont know why this happened to us all. It seems like a universal conspiracy that so many small things had to happen to allow this disaster.

OWBH and I would choose our marriages, after everything that has happened, that in itself is a miracle. And shows something of the love that must have existed before all this.

As WH is aware, I will not communicate or see him until your affair is over. He also knows I still love him, and I know he loves me. He was not wrong in feeling disconnected from me over the last couple years. I did put our children first. This separation has actually been good for me in alot of ways. I feel more like the person I was before I became a mom. Ive always loved to go out, travel, meet new people. Having two little kids it felt like a hassle to arrange things to make going out possible. Now my life is so fine tuned that its a no brainer, i have to go out or id go crazy! Ive been lucky to still enjoy life during all this. I would love for WH and I to experience this wonderful life together.

I am writing this to you for two reasons, one, so that you each know I will not let you get away with lies. I will continue to talk to OWBH either of your families, and if needed the children to correct any misinformation you provide. Its not out of malice, its not to bad mouth or ridicule. Its because its what we all need, you two especially. To have lives based on radical honesty. Please dont bother wasting time/money with the restraining order threats. Do you realize how non sensical that is? You dont want me talking to others about your affair, so you are going to file a motion that gives me a public forum to� talk about your affair. I would be more then happy to discuss what you two have been up to in court, though i dont see how that benefits either of you, especially WH.

The second reason is to ask that for yourselves, as much as for our families, to end this and let us each as families try to repair the damage that has been done. OWBH and I can, but its not our strength that is needed here.

I love WH and if given the chance I believe we could have a great life together. I still hope for that chance.

I changed this up a little to make it more concise and to delete all the personal information about your marriage. That is NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS. I also laced it with negative things about the future of her dirty little affair. Please see the little crap bombs I placed.

Hello OW, I talked to OWBH yesterday. It had been bothering me that maybe he didn�t know that your affair was ongoing so I felt he should know what I know. We both know of your continuing adultery, your dirty hotels, that you have been to WH�s apartment, your ridiculous tattoos. (WH with a tattoo!, lol) I have shared this information with WS�s family too. His mother knows the whole disgusting background.

I talked to your mom and brother for hours in July. They are such good people. They told me about your fake boobs, your attempted money extortions, how you never were this kind of person before.

WS has changed so dramatically under the bad influence of your adulterous relationship. I hardly recognize this man. You are left with the absolute worst of WH. But I am sure you know this and recognize that what he does with you he will also do to you. This is the nature of adultery. Ninety five percent of affairs fall apart in under 2 years because the traits that made them possible, dishonesty, selfishness, mistrust, lack of respect eventually poison the affair. This is what you face.

There is no future in your affair with my husband; you will be eternally hated by our children for your role in destroying their family. I will never lie to them about your part in wrecking their family. You have hurt them as much as you have me. Others in WH�s family know what you are and won�t accept you.

But that doesn�t mean I dont hope, and will probably always hope that he finds the strength to be the man I married. I love that man, the same way I love my children. I am fiercely loyal and will do anything for the people I love; including WH. I have withdrawn from him for my own sake until your affair falls apart. Which it will�

OWBH and I would choose our marriages, after everything that has happened, that in itself is a miracle. And shows something of the love that must have existed before all this.

As WH is aware, I will not communicate or see him until your filthy affair is over. He knows I still love him, and I know he loves me. I would love for WH and I to experience this wonderful life together again.

I am writing this to you for two reasons, one, so that you each know I will not let you get away with lies. I will continue to talk to OWBH and either of your families, and if needed, the children to correct any misinformation you provide. Its not out of malice, its not to bad mouth or ridicule. Its because honesty is the solution to lies; to have lives based on radical honesty.

Don�t bother wasting time/money with the restraining order threats. You and I both know that I am the only one who will benefit because it will give me a public forum in which to air the sordid details of your affair with my husband. I would happy to do so, but I doubt you would.

I love WH and if given the chance I believe we could have a great life together. I still hope for that chance.

rotfl


Love it!

Well, OWBH must have told OW that we talked because WH sent a text to my sister to "call him immediately" (umm ya, like im gonna do that). I told her to tell him I will NEVER speak to him again until his affair is over, and that i learned my lesson after last time. I told her to tell me nothing more from him.

He called me from a blocked number. I answered and when he said my name i hung up. He called back and left messages. I did not listen to most of them, but admit i kinda skimmed a couple. It was pretty obvious that he was leaving them from OW's benefit, lying about what he told me in our conversation and when i saw him at his apartment. I think he is also fishing to see how I feel. I know when he sent his custody proposal to my lawyer on thursday he was hoping for a reaction from me, and this gave him one, but I like that he doesn't know why im doing this. He said im either doing this for 2 reasons, to get him back or to make sure he is alone. I kinda like that he doesn't know which one. Im afraid if he thinks its because i want him back it will just prolong things, and honestly i dont know what i want, and it doesn't matter because the affair isn't over!

I dont know what to do now. Should I still email her even though they know I have talked to BH?

How about plan B?

I think the unedited letter was beautiful and powerful but Melody Lane is right. Not her freaking business. You also have to be concise, focusing on THEM and their future prospects, when talking to a wayward; as they have no empathy and go deaf when you talk about your pain. Or mention that there are other people in the world.



Have your sister review the IM training thread. She should have said 'no I am not passing along that message. I am only allowed to pass on pertinent finance/childcare information. Direct contact is strictly banned. Look at your letter for Amacs conditions'.

You should not have heard anything from her at all about this.



Changing your number is move 1A on a plan B ers first Day! He is not going to take your plan seriously when he still has your PHONE NUMBER. Blocking numbers does not work because even a fogged out fool can just use a different one. Hanging up was the right move but of course you're going to give in and peek under repeated assaults.

Have your sister say (just this one time) that you have (and always will) deleted any communications unlistened to/ unread. That you expect him to honour your request for no contact. That this harassment has forced you to change your number.

In future when he tries again she needn't say this. You should throw the thing away unread and he should hear crickets as a response.

Just ignore it and proceed as you were going to.

hmmm, make sure he is alone?? That is a clear indicator that your call made a dent in his affair. Yeah, success!!

Send the letter to the OW and then close down all avenues of contact. Tell your sister to NOT forward any messages from him again unless they meet the conditions of your Plan B letter.

p.s. very happy that the OWH told the OW you called. That is a great thing, not a bad thing. You can see for yourself how effective it was. Now, the lovebirds are in a tizzy.

So send the letter and then shut this thing down and go back into a dark Plan B.