So... last night the W actually TOLD me some of my failings... TWO years I've waited to hear "what do I need to change"... problem is she still wants to leave and "try him out"... it's already a 3 year affair. <P>This was by FAR the best talk we've had about ME in all this and I'm ready to "take it" and work on my weak points. <P>Thoughts on what to make of this, from betrayers especially, the fact she finally opened up. It's like the reality of leaving is getting to her a little even.<BR>

It seems like a positive sign to me. It sounds like she is willing to give you a chance by explaining what it is she needs from you.<P>This is what I asked of my husband when I wanted to make things right for us.

Thanks Holly... I'm sure it is. On the phone today with her at work I asked is it ok if I continue to work on me and US and she said "that's fine". I just need to make sure I remember it's one baby step at a time and not demand or push things, she's still sure she's leaving for now. <P>Any ideas on how to "get more" things from her, it's hard for her to tell me things but last night I handled it really well, I was SO glad to communicate, it was an awesome thing to have her TELL me that. That's how BAD our communication has been... she was always afraid I'd FREAK... I won't now though, I'm strong and ready.

Hi TexasMan,<P>I don't know if I can tell you that what's happening is a good sign or not, I can only relate my experiences...<P>I wasn't ready to address what my wife could do better because I couldn't even imagine that it would help. I could identify some of my emotional needs, but I didn't think it would matter because I didn't even if my wife did them that it would help.<P>Now, I'm willing to give her a chance. I'm willing to express finally what I need and we can both see if it will work (and it goes without saying that I will try to work on her needs too! )<P>I'm still doubtful. We have so many differences now built up over the years. It can be pretty overwhelming for me. I'm so so scared! But hey, we're there anyway.<P>So what the hell is my point anyway? I guess it's that I couldn't describe my emotional needs to her until I was ready to accept that she might be able to fulfill them. I'm not saying that this is where your wife is... but that's my experience...<P>--airheart