Well your timeline is a good one so you might as well help out DSS since it doesn't really derail your plans.

I think using his time out of the country is smart and less fuss than doing it when he's expecting his son.

I'm just bristling because you have put more thought into his stability than his father has.

If your husband wants things to be stable for his 8yo son he should achieve that himself. You and your daughter shouldn't have to bear the expense of making things stable for him. If your husband wanted a stable environment he could've learned to eliminate his abusive behavior.

Don't be an enabler.

This!!

Agree! Your H can provide stability somewhere else, that is his job, not yours. Your first priority has to be your own family. You aren't helping your husband by enabling him, you are just helping him avoid his responsibilities as a father. That does nothing to help the son.

I understand. My attorney didn't even recommend to separate, she said the way to make this go the fastest is just to stay in separate rooms in the house. I am separated at this point, staying at my brother's. It's not ideal and I do want to get him out by April 1 so I can have DD the next time she's set to be here. I'm not trying to make excuses but I don't have a right to move him out so I'm trying to work with him on this. He left when I asked him to leave before until it looks like he wore out his welcome at his Mom's. I understand it's not my problem and there are hotels and all but I don't think I can make that happen and if I have to wait until May 1 well that's a much better future than what I was looking at a month ago.

Can you get him to move out now? That is outrageous that you are leaving your own home. That makes no sense.

NED, he does have a place to go, he can go to his mother's. If he doesn't like that option, he could buy a home, rent an apartment, get a room at the Salvation Army. He has many options that won't displace you from your home.

NED, I would just (1) tell him he has to move out now. And then (2) if he won't comply, once he goes on his trip, move his stuff out to his mother's. It will be way too much of a hassle for this guy to get it back...I can just tell by the things you say about him. He won't bother.

You've got to stop being so nice. It's moved beyond nice to doormat at your daughter's expense. Just move him out.

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Just so you know, if he refuses to move out in April, you will be hard pressed to get back into your home because you moved out, into your brothers. The reason we tell men not to move out is because by doing so, they LOSE the rights to their home. There is nothing stopping your husband from changing the locks and forcing you to TRY to get back in. Any judge will take into consideration that you have moved out, giving him possession of the home.

You have to view divorce scenarios as combat situations and it doesn't seem you are prepared to even take the most basic steps to protect yourself and your daughter. You may not get your home back. I would strongly advise you to go home and make him move out.

Ned, you don't need the 'right' to move him out. Nobody is going to give you a handwritten invitation, it's just something you have to summon up the nerve to do. My lawyer told me I didn't have the right to kick my husband out either; but that's just a CYA thing they say, to prevent you expecting any help from them, because the law doesn't get involved in this.

There's actually nothing stopping you and where did April come from? You have the ideal opportunity to kick him out when he's out of the country next week. Plenty of time! Pack up his belongings, send them on and change the locks.

Legally, yes he would still have the right to force his way back in; but why would he do that? He's got nothing inside to gain except the name of housebreaker and the displeasure of two women to face. Easier to go to his mother's where there's just one. He also runs a big risk that you'll call the cops and that they'll side with you and your daughter over his decision to break in. Particularly since this is a civil matter for lawyers to deal with and YOUR name is the only one on the mortgage! (mine was joint and I still didn't give a hoot)

He runs an even bigger risk; displeasing you. Think on that for a minute. You do a lot for him and he'd be a born fool to get hostile with you and destroy the chance to reconcile in the future.

Even if you were to try this and fail, it would send a big message to both husband and daughter that you're not taking this outrage lying down any more.

That's what his behaviour has been; an outrage. He's never going to run the risk of hearing you describe his behaviour to a cop.

You also need to start instructing your lawyer rather than the other way about. 'living together is not an option because this is my daughter's home too and his angry outbursts are a factor neither one of us will put up with. Besides, I've already kicked him out. If he tries to force his way back in, what are our options?'

Obeying your lawyer's laziness as your daughter's planning to move in with her father is...not smart.

So much this! It also works the other way around. If you wait for him to move himself out, it will never EVER happen.

Come May, you're going to remind him and it will be the easiest thing in the world for him to say "Are you still on about THAT? It was months ago?!! We've been living very peaceably since then. Honestly you women are so irrational".

He could absolutely do this Ned, and ironically you're already disobeying your lawyers advice! She said not to move out right? That's because she knows you can't force your way back in.

Which also means he cant.

Melody, Indie, Susie, thanks for your posts. When he called this weekend I did reiterate that he needs to move out. I'm back in my home now. You're right, it is an outrage.

I wanted to say too that I know my health would have been affected if I had kept trying when he was not effective in eliminating his AOs. He was okay for two weeks and then slipped, but that kind of thing is to be expected. I'm grateful I've been on the board long enough to know that if a marriage feels like that, it's time to call it quits.

Bravo to you!!

What was his response when you asked him to move out? Will he go now?

Good job!! So when will he be moving out?

Ned, I just want to point out that many people will use your kindness and good will to take advantage of you. It is outrageous that your husband would even consider you leaving your home to accommodate him. That bespeaks a selfish [censored] who cares nothing about you or your daughter. He doesn't deserve to be accommodated at your expense; he deserves to be moved out.

I would strongly suggest you pack his clothes and change your locks. Your health and wellness and that of your daughter comes before his very selfish interests. Please stand up for yourself now rather than dragging this out, my friend.

He did not say he would move out, but I explained why I needed him out, because my daughter and my niece are displaced and that�s wrong. My MiL is out of town with her son so I can�t drop the stuff off there but 2/3 is still packed already. I figured I could put the stuff from the drawers and closet in the full sized suitcase he has. He was crying poor mouth so I will check with my attorney friend if I put some money in our joint account for him now can I deduct it from when I pay him out for the house later.

I cannot imagine how money put into a joint account could be used as a credit in a not yet filed divorce settlement. Money earned by either party during the time of the marriage is marital. Either party can use marital money to meet normal household expenses.

Do not trust him not to empty a joint account. Open a bank account in just your name and deposit your earnings there. Let him work out how he is going to fund his living costs. He may need to take out a loan from a third party.

living you're right, he's going to have to handle this one on his own. My earnings do go to an account in my name, and in the joint account is where we each put a set monthly amount for shared expenses.

I took a day off yesterday but will get to packing tonight.