I first posted this "In recovery" section, but probably more who can related to my situation in this forum.
We have been together for 25 years. He had affairs 2 times years ago. I/We have been neglecting our needs. I have been by mom's caregiver for the last 5 years and spent a lot of time away from our home. Months ago he started withdrawing, talking to me less, not driving to meet me at my brother's for niece's parties. Months ago he also got a new job with a long commute. Previously, he travelled during the week so when I at my mom's, he was at a hotel anyway. Not with the new job though. He was alone at home. Before the holidays, we looked at buying a house so he would be closer to work. When I would ask what was wrong, he said he was tired, work, long commute. I know over the last 5 years he has resented me not working as I cared for mom, resented my brother not contributing to her care.
After the holidays, I got very sick with a chronic illness. I had to cancel driving to our home. He said he understood. He told me to rest even though the following 2 weeks he would be traveling and I would not see him. He hardly called me to check on me. He called me from the plane to Europe. Then, a week later, he texted me that he wanted to split up. That he had a lot of emotions. That he was not making this decision lightly. That we were good companions but not in a healthy relationship. We deserved better. That he had given up and there was nothing I could say to change his mind. That there was something inside him that was preventing him from treating me better, even though he didn't like the way he treated me sometimes he couldn't change that. That he just wanted to "start the process" maturely and as painlessly as possible.
He won't answer the phone. I texted that we needed to talk about it (short version of what I said). That he didn't tell me how unhappy he was. Lots of things. He responded once in a week. He returned from Europe Friday and went to a condo rental we have to ski for the weekend while I am in our house (without my mom who is with an aide). I wrote him a long note. I have things to say. I had a dream before his text about "going too fast" and not seeing, and balance. In my low of being so sick, I actually stopped long enough to realize I didn't want to wait till we moved to make changes (moving would have meant I would spend more time at our home since a little closer to mom's). I realized all I was missing. I swear I thought this before his text.
But, it's all too late.
He literally isn't facing me or talking or texting. I have no voice. No input. And, I don't know what to do. I think he thinks I'm packing up my stuff to leave forever.
Help.

Welcome to MB. It sounds like you never recovered from his affairs, because one of the conditions is to never spend the nights apart and he has a traveling job.

Have you checked to see if there is another affair?

Was his affairs ever exposed? Were any of the OW married? Do your children know?

Are you married?

His family knows of his first affair. Some of his friends knew about them, too. No, the OW were not married. We don't have children. We have a civil union/domestic partnership. I understand that Dr. Harley does not view this the same as marriage but other therapists and reading acknowledge that, especially after this length of time, that we have the same challenges, etc. as traditional marriage. So, I hope that does not limit any advice anyone will offer.
Thank you.

You are correct that he doesn't view them the same, because they are not the same in reality. In your case, your boyfriend has a freeloaders mentality and was only in the reltionship until something better came along. He didnt view it as a marriage as evidenced by his behavior. We could help you create a marriage if he were willing to a) make a radical change in his behavior and b) get married, but I dont think that is realistic, do you? Do you think he would?

It might help to get the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. And please read this article. Living Together Before Marriage