How long had the affair been going on before you left? The affair had obviously been going on for some time in order for you to fall in love enough to abandon your marriage.

And what do you mean you came to your senses? What happened? What led you to tell your wife and end the affair?

I realized what I was doing was not only right but it is not where I belonged. Not to mention it wasn't love. I thought it was or convinced myself it was at the time. My wife thought there was something going on and when I decided to try and go back I had to put everything on the table, which I did. I don't think I am going to get the opportunity to make it right and save the marriage. That is a gut feeling and it is my fault.

What makes you think she won't give you another chance? Has she said this?

No. She is just very angry and hurt. Understandibly so. I hope it just takes time until she brings down her walls and lets me back in to work on our marriage.

Does she want you to stay moved out or will she let you move back in?

She will be watching you to see how safe a bet you are so the timing is on you

Brain Hurts - As of now I am still living with a friend of mine. My wife and kids are moving into a new house in mid April. She said for right now it will be her and the kids. She said to me a few weeks ago that she thinks that she needs to see that I wont give up when it gets hard and run back to the OW. I can tell you right now it is very hard. It is very hard being away from her and also not really having a home. I am working on myself and staying the course.

Indie Girl - yes she is watching me. Even though she says she doesn't want to. Last week she texted me at about 8:30 pm and asked me where I was. Her find my iphone app wasn't working and she wanted to know where I was. I was on my couch that I have been sleeping on for the last couple months at my friends house. Then she texted me on Sunday morning and said "no church today. 3x and your good" I said no I am not and that I was going to the 11 am service. time change kicked my butt so I was a little late to church. So even though she says she doesn't want to check on me she is and she is still thinking about me. Good sign I hope. I also told her I wasn't giving up. She asks me that from time to time.

Your wife is putting your marriage at risk with this approach. She is actually preventing you from affair proofing your marriage at a very, very vulnerable time. That is like asking the "recovering" alcoholic to stay in the bar for awhile to see if he resists the temptation. That is not a test of will but a test of stupidity.

You are much less likely to mess up if you are with her. You are both wasting very valuable time that could be devoted to affair proofing and recovering your marriage.

Instead of sitting in the bar to see if you will get drunk, you should get your butt out of the bar and start going to AA immediately. You are both wasting time! The longer you wait to start a plan of recovery is the longer it will take to recover your marriage.

I am asking you to send her this message on my behalf. I would be happy to discuss with her if you send her here.

She needs to put a plan in place that will make it virtually impossible for you to run back to the OW. That is what we do here, we affair proof your marriage instead of relying on willpower. You have already proven you don't have willpower. Not having a plan, makes it more likely that your marriage will fail! Not a good plan!

I understand. I have a plan for me. I will not run back to the OW. I am afraid if I push she won't give us a chance at all. I have sent her the link to this site a couple of times. I have no idea if she has read any of the articles or not. She is still trying to figure out what she wants to do. Whether she wants to try and save the marriage or not. She gave me a chance a four weeks ago when I was in the withdrawal phase and I emailed the OW. It was so stupid.. So now she won't let me back in until she figures out what she wants to do. But like I said I have a plan in place for me and I have been doing nothing but reading articles and listening to audio books on how to survive an affair and also on how to be a better husband. I feel like thats all I can do right now. It sucks because I want to do so much more.

I don't think you told us about this anywhere in this thread. You've been painting a picture of a man who has done all he can, whose wife has been completely unresponsive. It appears that this picture is not true. This is a major, significant piece of information that you have withheld from us.

You've already shown your wife that she should not give you another chance. Why should she ever risk going through that again?

You are right. I completely failed to mention that. That is my fault. I did come clean with her on the email I sent also. So even though I deleted it I told her about them. I apologize for not talking about the email. You are also right and if she doesn't give me another chance then that is on me and I understand that also. I do know that reading all of these articles and threads have been helpful to me as a person. All I can do now is try to get better for myself and if I get the opportunity to save our marriage then I will be ready to do that.

I am doing everything I can. That email was 4 weeks ago. To her it still hurts. So let me ask you this. Do you think there is no hope? I read some of the articles on here and people survive multiple affairs. I had 1, which is 1 too many. Unfortunately I made a big mistake and I will have to deal with what comes next.
I think i was just trying to forget the email existed. I wish in that withdrawal phase I didn't do that.

You should have been there the night My wife , me and OW sat down and had a conversation at the OW's house. That was very interesting. This conversation took place after the email. And at the end of the conversation outside my wife asked me to pick, her or the OW. I told her that I wanted us to work out.

So timeline goes line goes like this.
Break up with OW on Feb 7th
Contact wife on Feb 8th
Tough conversations the 8th thru 10th
Wife invites me over on 10th
Have a great weekend and the next 4 days
Saturday the 17th email the OW before my counseling appointment - (Stupid)
Got printouts of email on the 20th
Went to the OW's house with my wife on Feb 22nd (interesting conversation) - Same night my wife tells me to make a choice
Went back to my friends house to sleep on Feb 25th and have been there ever since.
.

Was this true, or did this email contact take place after February 7th?

The email was on the 17th. There was no conversation between OW and me via this email. I did t feel it was contact if i didn�t talk to her. Is that wrong? My wife contacted her and set up the meeting at her house. I have not talked to her one time other than the meeting with my wife and her.
Since the email on the 17 i have not tried to contact her at all.

This is not a plan. Saying you won�t run to the OW are meaningless words. That is why I am trying to get you to sell her on a plan.

And no, people don�t survive multiple affairs. Most divorce over it. The reason is because mutilple affairs indicates someone who is looking for action. No marriage program can overcome that.

Sending the OW an email is breaking the "no contact" rule, it doesn't matter that she didn't respond.

What has been done to prevent you from emailing her again?

That makes sense. I have since deleted my private account that the OW has access to. So there is no emailing the only email that was sent was on Feb 17. I know saying i won�t run to her is not a plan. I have a binder with my plans in it for avoiding Re occurrence and for falling in love. The plan is written and ready to be shared with my wife.