Great


I suggest you consider changing this going forwards. Decide which expenses you will handle and which expenses he will handle. Present this as something which will be fairer to him :-)

Then let him deal with his expenses out of his account and deal with yours out of your account. This will give you enormous peace of mind.

X100

The most shocking part to me, was DD said she was going to move into her dad's place in April, so he airily announces that hes not going until May, waiting patiently until Ned had effectually lost her daughter.

Not a word about how mortified he is, no offer to get out the way of solving a problem he caused.

It's obvious to me he cared nothing about destroying their relationship; was in fact deliberately pushing her out so he could up his AOs and focus on his control of Ned without her having any support in the house.

Despicable.

Use the money you were going to give him on a storage facility if you cant send his things to an address. Send him a letter telling him how to access his belongings.

Just think of it as a trash removal fee.

That is a good plan, I�ll get started tonight.

Is he out of the house?

No, I talked to my attorney friend and she said what I could do was have him sign to 30 days in the dissolution paperwork yesterday. But then yesterday he said he was not signing because he still hadn�t called the prepaid legal plan attorney. He says he�ll call Monday.

I�ll talk to my attorney friend Monday and figure out how to get this rolling alone. He works at a university and is stalling for May because once the students are done with school he thinks the housing prices there would drop.

Why can�t he move out and move in with his mom now? Why is he dragging his feet? Seems like it�s more manipulation on his part?

Ned step one is getting him out of the house. You can worry about paper work stuff later. After you have an anger free zone to hang your hat.

The first rule of survival is to secure yourself a safe shelter before you worry about anything else.

This is your home! He's not welcome!

I would just move all his stuff to his mom's while he's gone (no law against that) and change the locks (no law against that). And then deal with the attorney IF he gets an attorney because he REALLY wants to be back in that badly (doubtful).

He's not going to fight you to move all his stuff back, I feel pretty confident about that. He's dragging his feet hoping you will cave so I would just take action.

AGREE!! Ned, just get him moved out and change your locks. He is taking advantage of you and your DD.

I shudder to think of how long I would have been stuck living with my ex had I tried depending on a lawyer to help get him out.

Depending on a lawyer when you are in a situation where your daughter can't be around your H and you need to take action is a TERRIBLE idea. The lawyer doesn't care about your daughter or your relationship with your daughter and only cares about what will be the least amount of work should this ever go to court (unlikely anyway).

The worst thing that could happen is that he could try to fight you to come back in - in which case you make the argument that he is abusive to your daughter to the point that she is threatening to move out, has had angry outbursts, you two are divorcing anyway, and he had already agreed to leave. Not to mention that YOU are the one paying the mortgage.

He would have to hire a lawyer (you already said he has no money) and he would have to physically move all his belongings back (you already told us he refuses to do minor household chores due to his illness/unwillingness). Not to mention all of these things (hiring a lawyer and gearing up for a court battle) is a huge PITA. He isn't going to bother fighting you in court and if he did, you would probably win anyway.

Please listen to Melody and Susie! Dont wait for the lawyers, it will never happen if you outsource it to them.

They work for you, you're the boss. They will do exactly nothing unless you drive the pace and they won't do anything close to kicking out your husband for you.


I would still be living with mine; attempting to live the lawyer's dream of living together (so they dont have to do anything) but with a separation order (so they get paid for something) in a bid to qualify for 'an amicable divorce based on a period of separation' rather than for the real cause of the divorce as accusations of infidelity are too upsetting to bother with. We might offend someone! (genuine legal advice I actually received). They would have put me in such a state of depression that I wouldn't have the energy to scold or fire them.

I totally understand the logic in just moving his stuff and taking his key, but I think doing this amicably will eventually be faster and less stressful. My attorney says I have a right to get him out in 4 weeks, and he is agreeing to be out in 6 weeks. After that May 1 date if he is still there I can still move him out at that time.

Indie I agree, one AO and I will call the police to get it on record and move him out immediately. He knows the last AO is the reason I'm seeking divorce over separation.

I don't see why he would amicably agree to lose the person who wipes his nose for him. The person who puts a roof over his head.

I don't think that plan will work because he's not amicable, he's lazy. Susie has his number exactly. He won't bother moving out, why would he?

Lawyers love to bang the 'amicable' drum because yes it IS the quickest way to do things.

But so is a magic wand.

I hear you indie, I need to be prepared to jump into action.

I would never allow a man to stay in my house who is putting my relationship with my daughter in jeopardy - it would NEVER happen.

Again, I think you're sending your daughter the wrong message and if you told her what you told us about the reasoning (to be amicable and cave to his demands) I would really not be happy about it.

What about making things amicable and comfortable for her? Hasn't she suffered enough?

I'm having a real hard time understanding this, NED.

This. This. This.

Ned, Is this less stressful for your daughter? I would strongly encourage you to put her first and move him out now. There is no reason to wait and every reason to do it now. You can be nice about it, but I would move him out now without delay.

You all are right. We got an email from DD's teacher this morning that he's worried about a change in her. I called H and told him he needs to be out now, that it is affecting DD and she needs her routine back. H tried to give me his reasons again but you guys had given me the counterarguments in my head and I'm not buying it. I'm sending him information of 3 places in his area and if he doesn't follow up he'll find his stuff in storage.

Good for you! Keep us posted!