You need to let those people understand the dynamics and that she is detrimental to your mental health.

I know you want to keep reconciliation as an option but allowing her to play happy divorce won't help anyone.


She's being pushy with them and they don't know why so they give polite dodges and no shows. If you let them know why she is targeting them they can give her a more direct freeze out.

As for your lawyer, he doesn't need convincing about exposure; he's an employee who needs to answer a straight question.

Being unable to expose her is subjecting you to stalking and harassment. All you need in answer to the question 'is there any remaining loophole preventing me from speaking the truth (and never mind why I want to)' - is a 'yes' or a 'no'.

True, most people keep quiet and suck it up but you're not most people.

I asked my lawyer. His answer - "Yes, there is risk. Exposure for the sake of just exposure, could backfire. You never know how it affects a judge when considering your ability to co-parent. We can talk more about this."

Markos and indiegirl - thank you. I will tell my friends. I have not had a chance to meet them.

Co-parent??!!

So, I am now wondering if you should sack him completely and get someone with some knowledge and experience of contentious divorce; and, you know, the logistics of parallel parenting. Co-parenting is a cute idea if you're in a made-for-television film shot during the 1990s for daytime viewing, but real life shouldn't be quite so vomit inducing.

If you want to stick with him:

- I'm not interested in hearing 'what you never know' as much as I am hearing actual legal facts. Namely, is my right to tell third parties the truth the same as everyone else's right? If not, why not?

If he doesn't give you any reason other than vague fears that people may not like it, then there isn't one.

- If I cannot protect myself from my wife's stalking and falsely insinuating herself in my social circles using the simplest method; intervention and seeking support with exposures, what methods are available?

- co-parenting is not an option under any circumstances. I will require a parallel parenting set up which seeks to protect me from harmful and abusive contact with my wife and which will minimise conflict.

This is not exposure for the sake of just exposure, though. You aren't doing it for funsies. Yes, there is risk to everything. That is called life. The last person I would ask would be a lawyer, who would prefer you never do anything. But it is not his ox getting gored here. You have no legitimate reason not to expose.

There is no ability to co-parent. If your wife could co-parent with you you would not need to get a divorce.

Perfect!

I sent this to my lawyer. I am waiting for his reply.

I sent this to the lawyer.

This is very encouraging. The destruction has been going on forever. The system cannot stop it. The lawyers, judges, and everyone involved in the divorce is not stopping her. I have lost a lot. Kids have lost a lot.

Update from the lawyer:

"Understood and thanks for your feedback. Divorcing is hard and she is not of the compromising sort. I want you to compromise but not to the point of being pushed out of parenting. That is not fair or right for you or the kids. So, I am prepared to discuss motion practice but it must be organized and have a reasonable chance. If you cannot co-parent then so be it. So far, she has made it impossible. That puts us into a trial which is fine. We just need to be prepared with every document and factoid in chronological order for your anticipated testimony.

Also, if she interfering with your personal life, that too is a problem. But there is no such motion to prevent her friendships. The angle is parental alienation. Will explain when we speak."

He wants to speak. He is out of the country. We will speak when he gets back

Ok, so it sounds like there is no reason to not expose and managing your relationships (with the truth) is outside the remit of lawyers. So far, so standard.

It also sounds like he might now actually have to do something more involved than bleating 'play nice!' at you while you get pummelled by a bully.

Yes, the lawyer got the message. It looks like he wants to act. I was hesitant to send him your content thinking I was going to make him angry. I will wait to see how the conversation will go with him first.

Well, he's paid to do your bidding, not be your guru and he's vastly overstepped in his meddling by telling you how to parent and manage personal relationships. A bit of sternness won't go amiss at all; though I admit I wasn't expecting you to cut and paste my disbelief at his cheek exactly, it may be as well that you did!

Once he is a bit more aware of his place you can be as pleasant as you please, IF you decide to keep him on at all.

I started saying I do not mean to be forceful but the destruction has been massive, and the system and all professionals involved in the case have not helped stop it Bear with me....Then I did the copy and paste thing, and also mentioned that exposures will let everyone know, make her accountable and hopefully stop her behavior...

It is good he got the idea. I really believe exposures are the only things that will put her in check.

He has excellent experience with contentious cases.

OK. The lawyer said roll the dice and we will deal with it later. He means go ahead and expose, and we will deal with it later. It was hard for him to understand but I told him all what she has done has destroyed my family and I will tell the judge that. His main question was what will you tell the judge why you did that?

"Because I needed support, Your Honor. There was no way I could bear this burden alone."

You could also tell the judge how she's tried to insinuate herself into the lives of your friends and that they needed to know.

I've never met a judge who seriously expects people to be secretive and participate in cover ups. Their whole lives are about drilling down to the rockbed of truth so their minds simply don't bend this way. (Strangely, many lawyers take the polar opposite approach and they expect everyone in the world to maintain 'client confidentiality' and they themselves are at the centre of most cover ups!)

I have been present at murder trials, where the murderer's lawyer has been very keen to point out that their client is quiet and non dramatic (instead of, you know, wearing a sandwich board which said 'murderer') and they seem personally dedicated to pointing the finger at anyone who had an assertive conflict within the vicinity of their client. One dreadful old hack, who had the victim's daughter on the stand dredged up 'and you told friends that the defendant was a dreadful boyfriend and a thief to boot. With such proof of your dislike, how can we call your testimony objective?'

The judge interrupted with: "If you wished for an objective witness, you should have sought one. We don't expect the victim's daughter to be objective about her boyfriends or the defendant in her father's murder; that is our job. You may expect her to be objective about the weather."

Of course there are terrible judges out there, but if your lawyer is constantly expecting one, the common denominator may be him.

How often do we hear of betrayed spouses here being told 'loose lips sink ships' but when it actually comes to court, no one cares? It's almost as though people of sense expect others to share their lives with people in their circle.

Pardon me for not being here for the last two days. It has been sinking in me that I am going to expose. I did not expect it to come early.

I like what the lawyer said "Lets roll the dice." It shows that he is prepared to defend.

Thank you markos. This is a great concise answer. I was struggling to come up with a good summary because there are too many things that she has done which will take forever to explain to the judge.

I did not expect it to happen earlier than expected. Now, I am feeling the fear of exposure.

I am thinking of exposing over this coming weekend because I will have the kids from Friday at 3pm till Wednesday morning.
It means she will drop them at the camp on Friday morning and she will pick them up on Wednesday after 3pm.
That means she will not see the kids for five days while feeling the exposure.
A very long time indeed.
I do not know how this will go.
At this point I expect her to do anything but I am ready to face the risks and I am not worried.

I also have the kids this Monday afternoon till Wednesday morning but I need more time to work on the exposure plan.

Could you please post any exposure techniques and tactics?

Since this affair is entrenched (It started in 2012/2013) the exposure will need all the techniques and tactics that can be used. I am going to start working on an exposure strategy / plan.