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Joined: May 2018
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So my action items so far for this is to start listening to the broadcast. I have and will continue to pour over the literature and I'm going to purchase the book, surviving an affair and contact Dr Harley.
Me: BS, 41 Her: WS, 35
4 Children
Married 13 yrs; DDay 3/2015
2nd DDay 4/2015 3rd DDay 5/2015, Breach of NC 4/2016, 9/2016, 10/2016, 12/2016
Started Real Reconciliation Feb/2017
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Regarding the phone number:
To schedule an appointment with Steve Harley, please call (651)762-8570 or e-mail (counsel@marriagebuilders.com). If you leave a message or email your request, we will respond within one business day.
Appointments may be scheduled as early as 5:45am Central Time (GMT -06:00). Oh, that's paid phone coaching with Dr. Harley's son Steve Harley. Also a good choice, but the radio show is free. And I definitely think you should get ahold of Dr. (Willard) Harley's professional experience with victims of sexual abuse.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Regarding the phone number:
To schedule an appointment with Steve Harley, please call (651)762-8570 or e-mail (counsel@marriagebuilders.com). If you leave a message or email your request, we will respond within one business day.
Appointments may be scheduled as early as 5:45am Central Time (GMT -06:00). Steve Harley is Dr. Willard Harley's son. He works for Dr. Willard Harley. Dr. Willard Harley has a radio show where he gives free marriage counseling. Please email him at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. You can use a fake name, just like you do on this board. He is the one you need to be talking to.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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So my action items so far for this is to start listening to the broadcast. I have and will continue to pour over the literature and I'm going to purchase the book, surviving infidelity. Great - let's get you moving and learning. There's a lot you can do, h3ll0. So many people show up here paralyzed thinking they've done everything they can, and exhausting themselves in ways that don't work. Give today's radio show a listen, and send Dr. Harley an email.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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I've worked very hard at giving her ultimatums but I don't know how much of this I can keep going. Ultimatums never work in marriage. You'd be better off just divorcing than to drag yourself, your wife, and your kids through the hell of ultimatums.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Have you read what Dr. Harley says about pornography? Read this and listen to the radio clips. Dr. Harley on the Scourge of Porn
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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You've been using a hammer to crack a nut, and all youre going to be left with is nut dust. You're right, I am now using a hammer, maybe even a sledgehammer but she just got done a long term affair with a child molester. I don't want to rehash the description because it makes me physically angry. . As a former betrayed spouse AND a former angry person I completely understand! Which is why I am telling you DON'T go there! There are many options for you; anger isn't one of them. Absolutely you can separate! That is every betrayed spouses right. Absolutely you can recover this marriage and affair proof it! Many people have done so. Absolutely a severe sexual aversion can be overcome! Even when the person concerned isn't keen. Anger is for teenagers and people who dont have serious stuff going down. You need a cool head to navigate this. Speaking to Dr H will a) be reassuring and b) give you an idea of the plan you want to implement. Having a plan really helps in keeping your cool.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: May 2018
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 13 |
Me: BS, 41 Her: WS, 35
4 Children
Married 13 yrs; DDay 3/2015
2nd DDay 4/2015 3rd DDay 5/2015, Breach of NC 4/2016, 9/2016, 10/2016, 12/2016
Started Real Reconciliation Feb/2017
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Regarding the suggestion to take SRIs, I found out that child molester raped a girl 18 or 19 year old in our church and it was rugswept. She was blamed for being in the building alone with him but he was hired by the pastor to do work while she was there. Long story short, the father confessed this and had audio recording his daughter made begging the man to stop. Come to find out, this man had a history of this behavior and churches would just sweep it under the rug so they wouldn't have a scandal. I went over to the man's house to kill him but he skipped town. So I went to counseling realizing I could be sitting in a jail cell. What would a man do to stop a predator? To this day, I don't think it would be morally wrong to protect other girls from this predator but it is not socially acceptable. I told the CPT in charge of investigations about it and my wife's actions and the predator. He said audio recordings wasn't enough evidence to charge my wife unless she admitted to them and she refused to talk to them. The police captian told me he was in his 4th marriage and all four of his previous wives cheated on him. He walked in on 2 and put a gun to the male cheater's heads both times. People may find this paragraph disturbing... I find it more disturbing that a man is allowed to commit these attrocities against young girls and get away with it. What would a bear do if you threaten her cubs? The Bible even warns that... and that is a God given natural response to a legitimate repeated threat to your children. I don't see what any of that has to do with my suggestion that you consider taking antidepressants. Do you want to save your marriage, or not?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I'm going to x2 a recommendation for ADs. I resisted them way too long and they help your mind stop doing the hamster wheel thing.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 13
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I don't see what any of that has to do with my suggestion that you consider taking antidepressants. Do you want to save your marriage, or not? The behaviours I've had and the emotion is a healthy response to overwhelming stressors. I refuse to take mind altering medication when my mind is responding in a healthy response. SSRIs and SRIs, Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors are some of the worst class of drugs a mentally healhty person can ever do to the chemistry of their body. If not causal, they are associated with every known mass shooting we've had in the recent decades. (Save just one case that couldn't be confirmed) I don't want to chemically alter how my body handles seratonin and melatonin. when you alter the body's ability to self balance these chemicals you're asking for serious trouble and is playing russian rhoulette. No, I don't need drugs. I need God, confessing and giving up sin and rebuilding relationships.
Me: BS, 41 Her: WS, 35
4 Children
Married 13 yrs; DDay 3/2015
2nd DDay 4/2015 3rd DDay 5/2015, Breach of NC 4/2016, 9/2016, 10/2016, 12/2016
Started Real Reconciliation Feb/2017
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Hi, h3ll0, did you write Dr. Harley, and check out the radio show?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I don't see what any of that has to do with my suggestion that you consider taking antidepressants. Do you want to save your marriage, or not? The behaviours I've had and the emotion is a healthy response to overwhelming stressors. I refuse to take mind altering medication when my mind is responding in a healthy response. SSRIs and SRIs, Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors are some of the worst class of drugs a mentally healhty person can ever do to the chemistry of their body. If not causal, they are associated with every known mass shooting we've had in the recent decades. (Save just one case that couldn't be confirmed) I don't want to chemically alter how my body handles seratonin and melatonin. when you alter the body's ability to self balance these chemicals you're asking for serious trouble and is playing russian rhoulette. No, I don't need drugs. I need God, confessing and giving up sin and rebuilding relationships. Exercise is a decent substitute too.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 13
Junior Member
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 13 |
Hi, h3ll0, did you write Dr. Harley, and check out the radio show? Yes, I wrote Dr. Harley and have read more articles. (No response yet) I have not yet listened to the radio broadcasts but very certainly plan to do so. Exercise is a decent substitute too. Yes, I did CrossFit for a bit and stopped due to cost but plan to resume some sort of exercise even if that's bicycle riding.
Last edited by h3ll0; 05/23/18 04:16 PM. Reason: Added no response yet
Me: BS, 41 Her: WS, 35
4 Children
Married 13 yrs; DDay 3/2015
2nd DDay 4/2015 3rd DDay 5/2015, Breach of NC 4/2016, 9/2016, 10/2016, 12/2016
Started Real Reconciliation Feb/2017
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