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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity In Recovery Questions from others who recovered?

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Questions from others who recovered? #3004251 05/27/18 12:44 PM
Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 17 Fl R Resuscitating OP Junior Member
OP Resuscitating Junior Member R Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 17 Fl	I was here 6 years ago due to my husband having an EA with an ex- girlfriend from high school. We used the MB principles and we were lucky enough to have a MC that believes in them also. However, I found that the promotion I took during that time has literally sucked the life out of me and in turn that effects the marriage, family etc. When I stopped long enough to think about it, I realized that was one of our issues before. So, I gave the job up and stepped down 3 weeks ago. My question to others: Do you ever realize your slipping? Letting life get in the way again? What do you guys do? Go back, fill out questionnaires again in case any EN have changed? I guess it would be a marriage check- up ?

Re: Questions from others who recovered? Resuscitating #3004252 05/27/18 12:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by Resuscitating What do you guys do? Go back, fill out questionnaires again in case any EN have changed? I guess it would be a marriage check- up ? Hi Resus, I remember you! When that happens, you should jump right back into dating and focus on the intimate emotional needs of affection, conversation, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment. The problems in your marriage stem from a lack of undivided attention time. Harley recommends 15 hours per week of UA time, going out on dates meeting those 4 needs. If the couple has fallen out of love, they need 20-25 hours. So that is where I would start. Rather than questionnaires, use this worksheet and start scheduling your dates: here The dating series is a fantastic guide: Dating Series "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: Questions from others who recovered? Resuscitating #3004253 05/27/18 01:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Have you listened to the radio clips on Undivided Attention? Here The Critical Importance of Undivided Attention FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: Questions from others who recovered? MelodyLane #3004254 05/27/18 02:21 PM
Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 17 Fl R Resuscitating OP Junior Member
OP Resuscitating Junior Member R Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 17 Fl	That is perfect! We can build our time around our work schedules way in advance. We seem to be off on opposite days with my new position. We didn't think about that at the time I applied for transfer. Thank you Melody Lane! I printed it out. Brain Hurts. I will read it now. Thank you. I agree with both of you. We got up early yesterday morning and drove in to town to have brunch and putter around together before he went to work. It was nice being able to focus on nothing but each other.

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