Sorry..im slow lol..at first I thought when you said no big deal...you were saying all was good. My gut has told me it's been going on since...is that what you meant?

Sorry..im slow lol..at first I thought when you said no big deal...you were saying all was good. My gut has told me it's been going on since...is that what you meant?

Do you have any spyware on her phone and all devices?

I meant it was never a big deal for HER because it worked out all in her favor and she could eat cake (which means keep having the affair on her terms with little or no repercussions which are significant to her).

Waywards do not care about the pain of the betrayed spouse except when it impacts them directly or when it is convenient for them to do so.

Sorry..im slow lol..at first I thought when you said no big deal...you were saying all was good. My gut has told me it's been going on since...is that what you meant?

Yes..i want to save it. Please tell me what I should do..definitely not trying to waste anyone's time. Sorry about that..just confused

So where we are at. The divorce is started and I am still in the house. Downstairs

Are you snooping? Have you looked at her phone bill? Are you having her watched?

Its Ok, and we all feel for you. Its tough stuff.

Don't worry about the divorce being 'started' you can always drag your feet on that and many do for a looong long while.

Give us a clearer picture of whats been going on in your household the last few months and your family situation. Is she SAHM? Age of kids? Who knows about the affair? What country/state are you in?

Figure out how you can confirm the affair going on or has been. You don't need evidence to convince a jury (especially if you are in a no fault state), just to understand how and when she's in contact with him. Obtaining proof is also good if possible, you may find an ally in OM's ex-wife, in that regard.
Get a VAR, maybe a Vync (GPS) for your vehicles, and look at the snooping thread.

Help them understand your situation fully and they'll help you put a plan in place (I really am too novice, but your situation hit me in the feels), know that we are all rooting for you.

Meanwhile be pleasant to be around. Avoid arguments and LoveBusters, avoid relationship discussions with her.

Yes I would like to save it. What would be my plan?

Re-read melody's posts and questions, she is whip-smart about these kinds of things. She needs more info from you.

Here is a summary
- the last couple years we have just exsisted. Some me and some her.
- I have no proof that the affair is still on. I am going to assume at this point. He lives on the block and divorced now. My wife walks right past him with the fog fog fog fog fog fog fog fog
- honestly..i have been barely here(mentally) the fog last 2 years other than for my kids
- she says she has no connection with me and hindsight I gave up
- I am at home for now with plans to move out in 3 weeks
- the divorce is set for being final in 2 months
- we are speaking and our best quality is when we are all together as a family
- I sleep in the basement
- my girls and I are going on vacation next week with my family. She has not went in a while.
- all 4 of us are going to a Taylor swift concert July 13...then I was heading out
My plan was to keep being a great dad...and have minimal contact with her. I thought if there was anything there, she should have time to think about it.
Lastly - the kids and I really interact well. Honestly without me in the mix..there is silence.

So yes. I would like to save my marriage.
She will be served in 2 weeks. I am open to a plan but knowing my wife, it may be best to play it out. I am home for now and decided (based on some advice here) to focus on being the best me I can.
I do get a lot of mixed singles and obviously I have never been divorced. This morning she asked me i thought we should get our daughter for her birthday. We are all going to a dinner and movie. We are set to go to a concert in 2 weeks (overnight). She said the girls really want me to go and she doesn't feel comfortable going alone (safety).
I am trying not to discuss the relationship but this a.m. I shared. I asked her if it was ok to share something that has been on my mind for 7 yrs.
I told her all those long stretches of me not talking were because after 7 years I still have the gut feeling the AP is still there. I told her this is backed up by the fact that we have rarely discussed the specifics,he still lives next to is and got divorced 3-4 Years ago (and is not with someone)and the fact that I have been told by his ex-wife that she believes they are still communicating ( I realize that his ex-wife is probably not the greatest source -but it's all I got.
I said to my wife, I just think he is still there.
After I told her this, she didn't say anything. (As she always does)
That's the part in mt gut where I say, I must be right...

You have made and continue to make so many strategic mistakes that I think it is probably best that you do get divorced. Your wife has been in an affair FOR YEARS right under your nose and nothing has been done to stop it. That means she is very, very wayward in an entrenched affair. For example, why didn't you spy on her and get the goods? Instead you asked her - a liar - if she was having an affair. All this does is ensures you never get the truth and it tips them off that you are suspicious.


You're kidding, right? The ex-wife, who has no reason to lie, is not the greatest source, but your cheating wife, who has every reason to lie, is?

The biggest problem I see here is a complacency. After reading your posts, I get the impression that this situation is so far gone that there is no coming back.

What do you think is going to happen when you move out?

You are right. Sorry, I am just a husband who has tried to do the right thing. I think I will move on now and finalize the divorce.
I appreciate everyone's help. I guess I have wasted 7 years and I am devestated. Sorry to waste everyones time. My thoughts have been validated. I appreciate it.

Although the comments sting a bit, I truly appreciate it. I do believe I have been naive....a guess a husband who loves his wife. I will move on and work on me.
Thanks again,
I'm out

Desty, you have every right to get divorced, but I am going to give you a little bit of advice. Doing the "right thing" would have involved moving away years ago to protect your family from this threat. There is no virtue in ignoring obvious threats to your marriage and family. I know you thought you were doing the right thing, but you allowed another man to destroy your marriage and your child's intact family. Your wife and her boyfriend have destroyed 2 marriages and all you have done is 'ask" your wife, a liar, if she is seeing her bf. That is complacency on a scale that is very rare to see. My advice to you is to be more aggressive in defending yourself and your child in the future. This could have been saved if you would have fought the affair early on.

And p.s. your wife had an affair because she has poor boundaries with men. I know you like believing it is your fault, but that is not the case. Sure, you made it more tempting with your work schedule, but it would have never happened if your wife had appropriate boundaries around men. So, stop blaming yourself for her affair.

Thanks. Appreciate it. I am going to be the best me and the best dad I can be.

Thats good!! But that means fighting for your family when it is under obvious assault by an interloper.