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I just want to make this clear: divorce does not mean = "that's it. " You can still try and save your marriage. But staying the divorce course is in your best interest because you need legal protection AND you need to move away.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes..i can.
I hope these are good questions..these are what confuse me. Thanks
May I say..no disrespect to her, but my wife has a great way of just not dealing..when I left the first time several years ago, she texted me the next day asking what color microwave I wanted..then when we talked about the divoece she said can we please wait until after vacation..and she wants me to go to a concert with her and the kids (pre-planned overnight) july 13th. She said the kids really want me to go and she doesn't want to go alone..am I just being goofy or is that Odd?
P.s.
I will stick to the plan.
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Yes..i can.
I hope these are good questions..these are what confuse me. Thanks
May I say..no disrespect to her, but my wife has a great way of just not dealing..when I left the first time several years ago, she texted me the next day asking what color microwave I wanted..then when we talked about the divoece she said can we please wait until after vacation..and she wants me to go to a concert with her and the kids (pre-planned overnight) july 13th. She said the kids really want me to go and she doesn't want to go alone..am I just being goofy or is that Odd?
P.s.
I will stick to the plan. Thats great!! I would not worry too much about the things she says, but those are great opportunities for you to meet her needs while you plan to move away. You will be filling her lovebank which, hopefully, will motivate her to follow you to a new location. The most important thing is your plan. She has no plan and is just fogged out. How old are your kids? I would try and move some place that they would like too. When you talk to them you can discuss this. Let them know the goal is to move the whole family away from the OM and start over. You can also let them know that you know your wife is still in touch with that dirty RAT.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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One is 19 in college and one is 17. We have a very tight bond. I should have said the vacation is just me and the girls. Our family goes down( like 20 people) to o.c. every year and they don't ask her...kind of goofy..but the last couple years have been like that . We have went on several vacations as a family as well. She really only has her mom and dad who are divorced.. her family has some issues and she doesn't talk to her brother.
I think when I am at my best, I do have a presence that would be missed ( not sounding modest)I would miss it as well.
My girls have always watched out for me..very special.
I am just going to stick with the plan, the divorce,and the love deposits. Give it my best shot.
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Not sure if it matters but my daughter told me she likes it better when just I go as I act different?
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Your teenage girls can be a valuable asset in saving your marriage if they understand all the facts. They can help guard your back from the OM. When does the 17 yr old graduate? I would include them in your decision about moving away. Get their input on places they would like to visit.
Even if your wife NEVER moves with you, you will feel 1000% better being away from the OM. Being right there by him has got to be very hard on your psyche. It is like the rape victim living right by the rapist, she is perpetually reminded of the tragedy. You will be very surprised at how much better you will feel by moving.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Please please open up a dialogue with them about the affair, how it has affected you and your plans for the future. They very much need to be involved since it affects them too.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Am i naive..or is part of our connection going to be how our family is around each other. When together pretty special.
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Am i naive..or is part of our connection going to be how our family is around each other. When together pretty special. I don't understand your question. Can you expand?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I was a little worried about going away for a week with the kids. But she can think about things after I tell her and I deposit in the account. Then a week after we get back the concert
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I gotcha! I would not go on that trip without her. It only emphasizes to her that she is not invited and that doesn't help you. You could be home making lovebank deposits. If you try to reconcile and save your marriage, you will have to choose your wife over your family if they continue to exclude her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Might be too late..as it's next week, but I'll do what I can and at the least tell her that I would love to schedule a family vacation ..do what I can there. This has been a while and the kids love it. She has always been welcome and has went..not sure if the whole big family thing upsets her. To be honest she stopped going a couple years ago. She wanted to have my daughter's graduation on the same weekend ( the girls and I had asked her to go) my daughter's were determined to go. So we went and had the grad party 2 weeks later.
As I said, don't think I can fix this..but I'll try.
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Might be too late..as it's next week, but I'll do what I can and at the least tell her that I would love to schedule a family vacation ..do what I can there. This has been a while and the kids love it. She has always been welcome and has went..not sure if the whole big family thing upsets her. To be honest she stopped going a couple years ago. She wanted to have my daughter's graduation on the same weekend ( the girls and I had asked her to go) my daughter's were determined to go. So we went and had the grad party 2 weeks later.
As I said, don't think I can fix this..but I'll try.
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Thanks again..ill keep you posted..
Do I look like I am coming from a position of strength rather than weakness?
Just wondering.
I am going to take time to get this plan in place now.
Ty
Ps. Going to be the best I can be
Last edited by desty; 06/17/18 05:40 PM.
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Might be too late..as it's next week. Gotcha. Do I look like I am coming from a position of strength rather than weakness? You will feel much stronger once you start taking back your life and following your own plan. You are on the right path, you just have to follow through and take the action steps we advised. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can you hire a PI to tail her while you are gone? A good PI can get the goods in a couple of days.
Also, why do think your wife has never left you for the OM? What is holding her back.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know you thought you lost me for a minute, but I'm on the train.
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I know you thought you lost me for a minute, but I'm on the train. Glad to hear it! You really have nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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To me that family connection is part of the marriage and is very important. That is gone in a divorce and the om can never get that piece.
Last edited by desty; 06/17/18 07:00 PM.
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I know this was asked, but I never saw the answers.
Does the OM�s XBW have any proof of their affair? Can you hire a PI?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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