It has probably pained your daughters greatly to watch this travesty and they are happy you are getting out. Did you have a discussion on where you are going to move?

We started to, but my youngest threw me a curve by asking if I could stay and have Mom leave. To be honest, not sure why but I assumed they would want to be with their mother and visit me. I have a lot to think about now as I switched 2 overnights a couple years ago, to pursue other career options. It gave me a chance to support my family but time during the day to try and get a different career. Obviously they cant stay with me, if I work overnights, so I definitely need to figure it out.
I told them we would discuss. It was a lot to take in one sitting. Clearly, staying in the area has been one of the greatest negatives in the whole situation. I did tell them that I could not stay in the house because it really affects me. Living on the block is not an option. They didn't even ask why. They just said they completely understood. It just amazes me at how much they support me. They truly want me to be happy and they completely understand. Seems like they understand more than I do.
Any sad thoughts at this point have been replaced with hope and optimism. Excited about the future.

Desty your daughters are 17 and 19. They absolutely can decide which parent to live with and there is no problem with you working overnights.

Sounds as if moving is a good plan but I suggest you take them with you and ask for full custody of the younger one. It sounds as if you have been the nurturing parent in the family.

Please make sure you tell them the entire truth about your WW.

Definitely feel good about my girls. Not sure why I was worried about them. As far as my wife, she isn't really talking to anyone. She walks around and just does her own thing. There is no going back now..I often wonder if she is starting to really understand that she is choosing between her entire family and guy?
I think about this less and less and it is mostly replaced with the fact that I do not care about that piece. Complete focus on me. Also, best thing I ever did was block her number. I can't tell you how many times i checked and waited for "Any" text or call. The last week hasn't mattered as it's not coming either way...eliminates that entire loop.

So your girls knew about the affair between your WW and OM? Did they think you didn�t know or did they think you were fine with it the last 10 years?

Probably thought I knew and was trying to do everything I could to fix. The oldest said, Dad..its about time.

Little embarrassed but without this forum God only knows how long I would have stayed in this pitiful situation.

So glad you�re finally getting out of that abusive situation. You will feel so much better.

As of about 2 weeks ago, my entire focus is on me. I am not concerned wit her situation anymore. I have spent too many years and brain cells trying to figure out out and make it better. As Melody says and I repeat it anytime I doubt..."KEEP WALKING"

Gettong some sleep now and racing thoughts are kept at bay...I just keep walking.

I have come a long way in a short time. I would always look at my phone to see if there was a good night. If there was, I used to say I still have a chance. The number is blocked now..dont look at phone anymore and it's been ok, I'm still alive lol.

Are you on ADs? If you aren�t, you might want to talk to your doctor about short term ADs to help with your racing thoughts.

I will be fine. When this first happened I went to therapy for 2 years ( on my own). I just went back.

I am concerned that you don�t seem to have actually told your daughters about the affair. It sounds as if they cut you off and you just assumed from there on out. Is that true? You really need to be frank with them about the ongoing 12 year affair, and how much you did or did not know, and how it has impacted your life and what you need to do to be healthy again. You seem to assume they know all this but it is possible they only know some or false info fed to them over the years by WW, or that they think you knew and were OK with it.

Correct me if I�m wrong and you actually did discuss all this with them....

I assume they know.

When you have been on these forums a while you will understand the value of explicit honesty with the children of the marriage. I'm talking lengthy discussions..

This is the most valuable teaching opportunity of their lives. I know my knowledge of what to expect from the world in general has mushroomed following my experience of infidelity, coupled with MB knowledge. Keep in mind that Dr Harley founded this entire concept based on knowledge of his grandfather's affairs. Then there's people like Markos and Melody Lane who frequently refer to their childhood experiences in their advice, comparing them to what they've learned here.

Sixty pc of marriages experience infidelity. Imagine attaching that figure to something like poverty, or literacy. It would not be borne! But it is; in no small part to the silence and ignorance we insist on keeping sacred around affairs.


Simply not good enough.

I agree. Thank you

Desty, I agree with indiegirl. I would discuss the affair with your daughters. Find out what they do know. As far as you know, you are just leaving because they saw her treating you badly. I would discuss it openly with them. Find out exactly what they know and how long they have known.

Desty, your constant avoidance of uncomfortable situations has gotten you here in the first place. When I look back over your thread, you continue to talk about what to do instead of actually doing it. You never did use the methods recommended to snoop or find out the truth about the affair, I can�t remember what other exposures you did if any, and now after telling us you talked to your daughters it seems you didn�t really actually talk to them or talk about the affair at all.

You need to man up here and actually talk to your daughters and stop assuming. Nobody here advised you to assume your daughters knew about the affair.

I'm going to speak with them today.
Thanks