Thank you. I will follow the advice. Today I got goose pimples from exposure fear. After having read all threads for the last 2. 5 years I am convinced it is the right thing to do.

Here is the letter to OM contacts. I am wondering that there is useful information that will be beneficial for his contacts to know and avoid any doubts. Should I make the letter short and then provide a link to a website? Should this website be different from the one I will make for friends and family of WW.

Dear friend of OM:

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. OM had an affair with my wife, Xxxx Xxxx(maiden name Xxx Xxxx Xxx), from November 2012 until April 2013 in Sydney and it is still alive. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 1 small son and 1 small daughter and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

He is using her for sex. He has used and still uses companies� and clients� resources to lure women for work to then have sex with them.

My wife told me in 2008 that Xxxx Xxxx their coworker at Xxxx had revealed his concern to her and other co-workers that �How does John�s wife handle this that John always sleeps with many women?�

He once told me of one husband in the UK he said was jealous of his wife he was working with. Little did I know he was making me believe he was innocent and not a serial adulterer, that my wife and I were already targets of his strategy. He uses work and paints the husband jealousy as a camouflage for indulging into affairs. Be on alert with your wife when it comes to OM.

Please encourage all his ex-girlfriends, and affair partners and their betrayed husbands to come out and even contact me.

As some of you(some common friends between OM and I too) in Germany warned me that Mercedes and OM were having an affair In Sydney you were correct.

OM has taken work for sex and money behind the companies and their clients he has worked for - Aaa NZ, Xxx, NZ, Xxx, Xxx, Sydney and Xxx, Germany. He then assigns this work to a ring of people that include Mercedes. Please ask him to stop. Please ask Mercedes to stop working with him. My children do not need this money. He asked Mercedes many times to leave children and me to come work with for him at Xxxx, NZ where he would be close to her for the affair. He also was driving to invite her to some private islands his friends have. He also has wanted her to move to Australia especially Brisbane where he would have her close to his house.

The affair is known to the WW� lawyers, my lawyers, children�s lawyer, police, child custody forensics psychiatrist, the judge and the Xxx Supreme Court, Xxx Criminal Court. WW brought it up first.

OM picked my wife on a Saturday morning from the apartment she was staying in Bondi Beach, Sydney to Manly, Sydney and brought her back to the apartment on Sunday around 7am.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx -xxx xxx

Thank you,

Xxxx Xxxx

My advice would be to make things shorter and more factual. You risk looking like a rambler otherwise.

Actually the legal battles thing makes it sound like there's a valid complaint on her side...

[/quote]

I think if you're going to mention legal battles, you should put in the outcome; possibly this paragraph is better used in the letter to your friends and family. His circle should be focused on his MO as a workplace predator.

[/quote]

I've added your court paragraph to the family letter, because I think it's more compelling to the children's relatives than a professional circle.

Thank you indiegirl. She brought it up as a defence mechanism to try to out me first by saying I was accusing her of the affair.

Should I remove it?

I got confused. Are the two quotes above the edited versions of the two letters of my originals I should use? It looks like the edited versions are in quotes.

Here is the draft letter to the Spouse of affair partner. I am very overwhelmed with information that I do not know how to do this or start or what info to leave and to put. Nearly there though.

Hi Other BS, exposing it all in plain sight.

Sorry to email you, but there is something you need to know. Our spouses had a full blown extramarital affair in Sydney.

WW admitted to me that she had sex with OM in Manly, Sydney.

I was on Skype with WW and all of a sudden she said OM is here to pick her up and they were going shopping for Henrik. BTW Henrik had furnished his apartment already. He had also moved to Sydney in December. OM had come driving a car from Manly. She left Skype. This was on a Saturday morning Australian time. It was around 9:30 am and It was just before midnight in Germany. The kids and I were in Dusseldorf.

We tried to call her on Skype on her Saturday evening and night thinking she was back from shopping but we never got her. Saturday 5pm till 1 am(roughly German 7am till 3pm). We gave up. Kids wanted to speak with her badly. We made another call very late before the kids went to sleep and she answered. It was Sunday 7:am Sydney time(roughly around 9pm German time) and she had just got home. OM had just dropped her. Instead she said sorry she and that an old lady from work had just walked Sydney CBD very late(early morning). She lived in Bondi and it is pretty far from Sydney and it sounded fishy to walk from there at dawn. She had spent 22 hours(from 9:30 am Saturday to 7am Sunday) with OM in Manly.

When we agreed that she goes to Australia she promised that she will never hang out with OM alone. I gave her 100% trust that nothing bad will happen between her and OM. I had put the past behind. I even bought a Killer Pitsch bottle gift for OM that WW took to Australia. I took her word.

(By the way if you need the email exchange between OM and I about the past I can always send them to you. I am sick because I was misrepresented by him and William.)

3. 5 years letter she admitted to having slept with OM.
3 years of lying destroyed our relationship. I knew she was lying because nothing was adding up. It was the primary reason that led to our divorce.

Her denying:
First she said she never went to OM�s Manly area.
I found out that she had gone to Manly from credit card statements. The only thing she bought while with him there was coffee. Nothing else. She bought this exactly on the day that OM picked her up. That is when I knew she had been to Manly with OM and that she had eaten at his place since she never bought anything else or maybe OM paid everything in restaurant and bars. She did not use cash that much because she did not open a bank account in Australia. Still today I have not tell her that I found out from the credit card statement. By the way I found out this when we were still in Germany, 2013. I kept my mouth shut. I do not have access to the statement but if I find it I will be sure to send it to you. The card was in her name. This happened after the kids and I had left Australia and before she left Australia in 2013. OM had left the BT already.

Then I asked her if she had gone to Manly. She denied.

Months later:
I asked her if she had entered OM�s apartment, then she said they just passed by OM�s apartment for 15 minutes with Henrik and that I can even ask Henrik. How could I have asked Henrik?

Months later:
I asked her again and she said she went into OM�s apartment with a group of people for only 15 minutes. Before she had said that she had gone only with Henrik and OM.

Months later:
She said OM is not her kind of man and she is not attracted to him and that nothing had happened between the two of them. I said then why are you not telling me what happened / what you guys did.

Another time:
I said to her while I was tying my shoes that what she did in Australia was cheating and her whole body jerked from fear. This was a clear hint that she had done something not right with OM.

Months later:
I asked her what she and OM had done in Manly and she said she did not remember. For three and half years I did not know what they had done together. This was a very long time. She kept all the information from me. Till now I do not know the details of what they did on that whole Saturday and the whole night.

Another time:
2015
One day we were walking with the kids and I was saying let us buy a house in Sydney. She said those houses are not nice and that OM had driven her in and around Manly and she had seen the houses. That was the first time I knew she hung out with OM alone and she had always said she never hung out alone with him. The cat had slipped out of the bag. She did not mean it to be known. I kept quiet because I did not want her to be careful. I wanted her to reveal more in the future without fear of being caught.

2016. I said to her I know everything. Tell me or otherwise this it.
I told her that she had told the kids and us that OM had driven her showing things in Manly. She was very surprised and looked liked she was peeing on herself. She got really embarrassed and was overwhelmed with guilt of being caught with lies. She was sitting on a chair and her whole body moved off the chair and forward and she said nothing happened. I know when her body moves like that she is lying - It is a classic move she exhibits that I am very familiar with when she is lying. At that moment I knew they had had sex. I know her body movements when she lies. I mastered them on our time of marriage. Then I said now just tell me all. She said she had sex with him and that they had spent Saturday till Sunday wee wee hours and he dropped her very early in the morning at her place in Bondi. She then said it now does not matter anyway because we are getting divorced. I asked her if that is what a wife does and she said no. Kids and I left the room and she was crying.

When OM was at Deloitte NZ he kept on asking her to come to work in NZ and leave us the family in NY.

He also gives her rosy recommendations for every job she applies. He has given her recommendation at all companies she has worked since Xxxx, xxxxx, Xxxxxxe Inc. and possibly Xxx, Xxx, Xxx and Xxx.

She refused us to move to Australia. I did not know the reason that time why she did not want us to move. Now I know because of what happened.

Another note is that when she came to Byron Bay she had never told me about the trip She bought the ticket about a month before or so and only told me when she was about to fly. I called her on her mobile when she was at your place. You may have sensed it was not fun. She thanked me for calling her because in reality she did not want you suspect anything between OM and her.

Back in Germany WW once told me that Coworker Xxxx had told her and a group of co-workers that �how does OM�s wife(Other BS) deal with this when he is always cheating on her. How come she does not see it� It is one reason I always hesitated that WW and OM hang out together. You may want to talk to his coworkers at Vodafone and Sapient, and ask them you need to know the truth whether about OM�s infidelity history. They all know.

WW also thinks you are naive, gullible, dumb and not smart, and has no respect for you. She mentioned this back in Germany and she still thinks so.

When WW was in Australia I thought of leaving with kids and she woukd find the apartment empty when she was returning from Australia because I knew she was lying and she had cheated. I decided not to.

I do not know if OM ever told you that the two hung out together and that they spend all this long time together in Manly alone. I have never been to Manly. You should not break your marriage because of this. I am laying out this information out there so you know and you are careful, and you understand the whole situation. Sometimes it is better to lay the truth out there even though it hurts. I am not doing this to seek revenge. I want you and OM to be together. I do not want this thing to happen you again. As much as many people say she is a [censored], I still miss my wife and I love her..

Take care, stay calm and collected. Panic and emotions can get in the way. Be very careful how you approach OM about this. The best way is to do your own investigation and gather information without him suspecting, ask the right questions about that Saturday and Sunday morning. Find out on your own first before relying on me and believing what I am saying. That way you will know the truth without any doubt and it is more satisfying especially if you do it really well sometimes even using private investigators when necessary. And also adulterers always deny to having cheated. It is always to get the information first and then confront if you need to. Do not confront without any information or clues. It is important to ask questions that will show if they are trying to hide something or not. I can only tell you because I have been there. If he never told you about that these two days he spent with WW then it is not pretty at all. If he told you that he was with WW you may want to know more. Seeing a therapist may help you before to better see things in perspective and will help your relationship.

However, what I know is that this event led the destruction of our family and nothing else. It was my fault that I let her go to Australia. I have not met a single person anywhere(in Germany, here, etc.) who has not been shocked that she left her family for Australia for seven months. The kids were only 2 years old and 5 years old.

I am recovering from it. Time helps. I know that once OM knows that I told you he is going to be furious. The reality and the bottom line is that this is a result of their (OM and WW) actions and not of you or me ...we trusted them 100%. But please do me a favor, do not destroy your marriage. It is not pretty. Roberto needs you guys.

We are in divorce proceedings and now she is lying to the court and lawyers that she did not work in Australia. Strange things. She does not want to be with kids even on holidays except the xmas. I spent 3 weekends(Friday to Monday), 3 Wednesdays and 3 Thursday mornings with them and she has them for only one weekend and one Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday mornings. Kids are with nanny and she hardly sees them. She took money from kids� college money accounts, transferred our money in Germany to her brother and took our money here in cash and gave it to her brother. Now she wants to take the whole house. And she is lying in court. She is threatening to kill me through her father and brother. And there is much more�

She told OM about our divorce sometime in Feb / March before she even told her parents and friends.

if OM says he is done with WW. Ensure he'll say that immediately, but do not to believe it, the betrayers can't be trusted.

Wayward Spouses will try to minimize everything such as flirting, or just touching, contact...I know better now than to believe them

WW also wanted to have your family Skype name on our list as to make us not suspect anything.

1. Are you aware that OM removed his Facebook page after my lawyers exposed affair to the New York Supreme Court. He blocked me not to access his page and friends?

2. Are you aware OM and WW have talked intensively many times to tell people a tall tale and spin the story and say I am crazy and jealous?

3, Are you aware that WW stayed with OM in her last days in Sydney instead of staying at Sophie's dad as she says?

4. Are you aware that WW wanted us to put our Skype name to connect with yours because she wanted to hide the affair?
She asked to try to befriend OM on Skype because it would "make it easier on them to call us."

5. Are you aware that WW told me in 2008 that Coworker Xxxx expressed his major concerns about your marriage when he told the Vodafone work colleagues in his own words " I do not understand how Other BS puts up with OM when he sleeps with many women all over." Please call Malcolm and talk to him about this before OM reaches hm. You may want to reach out to some of OM's colleagues he has worked with especially in Europe and they can tell you all they know.

6. Are you aware that William and OM told a tall tale about me in Dusseldorf when I emailed about each of them being alone with WW.

7. Are you aware that William asked Astrid to have threesome and she refused? He said he was going to pursue it.

8. Are you aware that OM wanted and still wants to take WW to private islands that his friends own? He told her about the islands and asked her.

9. Are you aware that they talk through Google Hangouts, LinkedIn and possibly WhatsApp, phone calls, etc.

10. Are you aware that they use work as way to hide what they are doing in the affair

11. Are aware that when WW came to Byron Bay to visit you she had not told me? I had to call her multiple times and that is when we talked on Skype. She told me was very thankful that I called because she thinks thst it made you feel nothing was happening between her and OM.


Important things to do before OM beats you to it. He has probably done so already
1. make sure you do not give them a chance to communicate between the time you confront OM and WW. Confront OM and take his phone and computers and anything he can use to contact WW then call WW right away. You will be able to see if their facts align. They have anyways figured out to hide everything but you still may get where they are lying to you.

2. Once you confront OM he is going to hide everything, erase everything, and he and WW and the affair will go underground for a while. They will then resume it openly.

3. Take his computer and phones and do forensics.
4. Tell him to give you all access to his emails, LinkedIn and Google Hangouts.
5. Go to this site and read the forum, post and you will get the best advice on how to deal with this affair, marriage, OM and WW.

Stay well and collected, and be strong. I am available to talk if you have any questions. I offer to share all evidence that I find.

I offer to ensure that all contact is truly ended between her and OM when I can and I ask you to do the same. If you want to chat, here is my number and email address for follow up questions. I urge you to work it out with OM. It is truly heartbreaking that they did this.

My full name
Number: +xxxxxxxxx.
Email: xxxxxxxxx@....

In case you want to call WW her number is +xxxxxxxxx.

Please accept my sympathy as you deal with this latest blow �

Warm regards,

My full name

The time zone difference complicates the exposure. I have read from a number of posters that they do regret not finishing the exposure within 1 or 2 hours. Some have mentioned success from posting on FB walls for about hour and then removing. Knowing WW and OM are hot heads and have large egos I find this extremely tempting; This would seriously be effective. Remember when he infringed in our marriage and I told them to stop and then they did it again. They do not listen or care.

Another poster had a very effective exposure by exposing in 3 overnights over the weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights - less than 72 hours. I am thinking of following this strategy since I cannot finish the exposure within 1 or 2 hours. I do not have all emails addresses and I will have to use FB for most of WW friends.

The main challenge is when to send it to Spouse of affair partner/OM.

Friday Overnight EST 12:00AM - 8:00AM = Saturday Evening Auckland 4PM - 12:00 AM
Creates a surprise and tsunami effect in the morning of WW
1. Send to our very close friends and family. The problem is WW's father wakes up at 1:00PM. He will see this 5 hours after WW has been notified.
2. Spouse of affair partner/OM - she will see it before she and OM go to sleep with OM getting a tsunami effect the following morning but then she will have told OM already. I can tell her to call WW at 2AM her time which will 10AM WW time.
2. Workplace exposure - they will see it on Sunday 7PM EST/Monday 11AM Auckland

Saturday Morning EST 8AM - 4PM = Sunday Night Auckland 12:00AM to 8:00 AM
Creates a surprise and tsunami effect in the morning of OM
1. send to 1 Elderly of affair partner. OM's parents are dead.
2. Facebook exposure of OM

Saturday Overnight EST 12:00AM - 8:00AM = Sunday Evening Auckland 4PM - 12:00 AM
Send to the rest of close friends and family.

Sunday Overnight EST 12:00AM - 8:00AM = Monday Evening Auckland 4PM - 12:00 AM
Send to rest of OM friends and Family

Converting Auckland Time to EST:
https://www.worldtimebuddy.com/new-zealand-auckland-to-est

Any gaps you see or ideas?

Any suggestions for what could be the best Subject Line to put for the emails going to parents, close family, friends? I have come up with a few below. I was thinking the subject line needs to be powerful and also incite people to open email as opposed to ignore or trash it.

1. Please Save My Marriage/Family, Persuade WS to end Affair
2. Please Save My Marriage/Family
3. Persuade WS to end Affair
4. WS's Extramarital Affair
5. WS's Extramarital Affair - Please Save My Marriage/Kids/Family
6. Please Save My Marriage/Kids/Family - WS's Extramarital Affair
7. Any suggestions

I've added your court paragraph to the family letter, because I think it's more compelling to the children's relatives than a professional circle.

[/quote]

Thank you very much Indiegirl. All brilliant! Oh, I think we had posted at the same time.

Here is the addition to the sentence...
OM hired her to leave the children and I in Germany to go join him in Sydney in Australia (a 9 hour drive from his family home where his wife and son lived) where she ended up working for 7 months leaving me a single parent for extended periods and destroying the children's relationships with their mother.

Court sentence - by saying child custody forensics psychiatrist I am wondering if the court may say I am revealing what is in the evaluation report. But I really like the paragraph. Finally, she did not end up getting supervised visitations or punished because the case is still pending. No outcome yet.
....
The affair is known to the WW� lawyers, my lawyers, children�s lawyer, police, child custody forensics psychiatrist, the judge and the Xxx Supreme Court, Xxx Criminal Court. Her continued attempts to attack me legally have simply led to massive suffering of our children. For the sake of our children, please intervene with her before hostilities and expenses ruin us completely.

I think we are nearly done. Should I remove the legal battles paragraph. I do not want people to think she has a valid reason when she brought it in court to try to make a move first as defense mechanism - pre-empting me - to make the court she think she is innocent - when she knew I would bring it in court. She had brought it up saying I had been accusing her of an affair.

I've written before, your situation is quite complicated and for me too complicated to be of good help. But you have the advantage of being in direct contact with Dr. Harley by email. Did you have contact after the last time you posted the email?

No, I have not. It sounds like you are suggesting I should contact him to decide to expose now or after settlement. Right?

Thank you goody2shoes. No, I have not. Yes, it is a high conflict divorce. It sounds like you are suggesting I should contact him to decide or get his opinion to expose now or after settlement. Right? You got me into thinking maybe I should not expose now. Here is the note I want to send to Dr. Harley. What do you think?

Hello Dr. Harley,

Following advice from the forum to contact you directly for advice on your thoughts on whether I should expose now or after the settlement since

The lawyer has told me that my wife is impossible to deal with. She is making life difficult for everyone and kids. I told my lawyer I want to tell people what she is doing and they can make her accountable and put her in check so she does not do what she is doing since the system, court, judge, children�s lawyer and my lawyer have not helped or make her accountable while watching everything being destroyed and so much has been destroyed already. I was thinking friends and family would put her in check. I have asked my lawyer about exposing. He was not for it in but on my insistence and explanation he ended up saying lets roll the dice(expose)and we will deal with it in court.

The case and separation has been going on for two and a half years. It may even take another year or so. The divorce is a very high conflict one.

WW does not have a lawyer. My lawyer has told me that she is harassing me in and out of the court through what she is doing.

What is your advice? I know last time we were in touch you advised me not expose till settlement is done. Should I stick with this advice or expose now? Would exposing now have any benefits? Should I stay calm, watch and let her do what she is doing and let the court deal with it? Maybe it is beneficial for me that I do nothing or shake anything and let her make mistakes?

Thank you,

�

If you are in the position to have an expert advise you, I think it is wise not to ignore that.

I get a feeling from some of your postings that make me wonder if your expectations of exposure are realistic. You also seem to be selective in what advise you follow and what actions to take. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I am drawing wrong conclusions from what I am reading. But it would certainly not harm to ask for directions again.

I wrote to Dr. Harley. I will let you know once I hear from him.

I got a response from Dr. Harley really quick. Here it is:

I'd follow the advice of your lawyer because he knows more about the risks of exposure in your case that I would. Your divorce should go to court as soon as possible, and he would know how the court would view your exposure. You may be better off without it before the divorce, especially if the divorce is soon and there is no hope for reconciliation. You can expose the affair after the divorce is over.