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Joined: Aug 2018
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Hi chalkncheese,
It's been more then 12 months since you have told your kids, I'm curious if everything is still well with them, especially the 6 year old (5 year old when you told him).
Anyone else who has exposed to children (under 5 year old) a few years ago, I would love an update on how it is all going with the kids.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Hi chalkncheese,
It's been more then 12 months since you have told your kids, I'm curious if everything is still well with them, especially the 6 year old (5 year old when you told him).
Anyone else who has exposed to children (under 5 year old) a few years ago, I would love an update on how it is all going with the kids. BBH, Chalkandcheese can answer for herself, but I would suggest that her kids were very impacted by the ending of her marriage. It is not exposure that hurts kids, but affairs, divorce and lies. Everyone involved is impacted to some degree. I can tell you what not exposing to children looks like from the child's standpoint because I lived it. As a 4 yr old I knew something was very wrong and since my mother would not tell me the truth, I learned early on to doubt my instincts about right and wrong. My father was having an affair and he actually introduced me to his OW. Since no one was telling me the truth, he was free to feed me lies. This seemed wrong to me but since no adult validated my instincts I learned that my instincts were wrong. Kids sense the tension in the home and often conclude they are the source of the problem. Lies and illusions don't make children happy or secure, they make them feel confused. It also teaches them that dishonesty is acceptable under certain circumstances when they eventually find out the truth. It is very important for every family member to know about the affair so they can help hold your wife accountable. She won't be so free to carry on her affair if everyone around her is watching.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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I found out as a 14 year old and told my dad, and later my wayward mother's mother.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Edited: Well, other than the fact she had an affair, of course.
Last edited by markos; 08/08/18 06:15 AM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Aug 2018
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Thanks Markos & Melody,
I have a 5 and 3 year old. While it scares me to do so I am pretty certain I can talk it though with my 5 year old in terms she will understand, but I don't know what to say to her about the 3 year old, eg. I don't want to say that we can't tell him because thats not being honest. Do I just say he is too young to understand yet but we will tell him when he is 4 or something along those lines?
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I have heard Dr Harley say to keep it to age 4 and above, depending on the 4 yr olds maturity level.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I found this paragraph: "Some feel that an affair should not be exposed to children. Granted, I would not tell a 3-year old about an affair simply because a child that young cannot possibly understand what it means. But I would not hesitate to reveal an affair to a child 7 years or older. Exposure to those between those ages should be a matter of discretion."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
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In this radio clip Dr. Harley talks about telling a 4yo.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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