My WH had an EA and PA with a 32-yo co-worker. He is very deeply in love with her and deep in the fog. We have been in Plan B for about 10 days. I exposed to our family and friends during Plan A; all have been very supportive, which has really helped. I have not exposed at their workplace because I am so afraid my WH will lose his job. Is it too late to expose at work, or should I have done that during Plan A? We are still cooperating in using our joint checking account. I am afraid that if I expose at work, my WH will get very angry and switch his direct deposit. OW has also just left her BH. I have not exposed to her BH yet because she told my WH that he has anger issues and may beat her up; I don't want to be responsible for that (even though I realize she may have made this up). Also, is it too late to send the OW a copy of my PBL? I am using an IM and have had zero contact during Plan B; so far it feels good. Luckily my DDs are old enough to drive and go see my WH without my involvement.

You have skipped over the 2 most critical exposures. This makes exposure largely ineffective.


Your biggest fear should be that he DOESN'T lose that job because you won't have a marriage if he stays there with the OW. So you need to make a choice, do you want that little job or your marriage? You might have the benefit of the job TODAY, but you won't soon because the OW will compete with you for his income. And you will LOSE.


That is a bullcrap story designed to scare you into protecting their affair. And you fell for it. You need to expose to her H and the workplace ASAP if you want to have any hope at all. You should expose to the OW's family and friends too.

Thanks MelodyLane; I know you are right. I think I just need to expose and not worry about the anger/fallout; easier said than done. I will try to focus on the logical steps and not my fears. You are right; if we get divorced I won't have the income anyway.

Where is your WH living? Did you tell your DDs about the affair? Did you expose to his family? Has anyone that you�ve exposed to talked to him about it?

Do you want to know what is not easy? Getting divorced. That is where you are headed now by enabling this affair. Keeping this secret for the affairees almost ensures you will end up divorced. You have a small chance at saving this marriage, but you can't cut corners on exposure if you are serious.

We can help you, but you have to be willing to do what is necessary.

MelodyLane, I love how frank you are - I need it. I'm going to work on the workplace contacts right now.

Could you answer these please?

Right now my WH is not living in our home; he is living with a friend (not the OW). Both of my DD know about the affair, and they are very upset. I have exposed to his entire family: mother, sister, brother, BIL, SIL. His brother has talked to him about it; and several of our friends have talked to him about it. My mother and father have communicated with him through text. So far, nothing has persuaded him to break off the relationship.

So I exposed to his workplace today. Both my WH and the OW have already been contacted by HR. My WH husband sent word through one of my daughters that I HAD to call him about what I had done; so I called him. I know that I am in Plan B and should not have responded, but I felt obligated somehow. My husband is very angry and says he will never forgive me for putting their jobs in jeopardy. He says it will be my fault if they lose their jobs, but I know that's not the case; if they lose their jobs it will be because of their affair. I also got in touch with the BH on Facebook. He said he had suspected something but did not know for sure that she was cheating. He is going to expose to their families. I am very scared about this fallout.

You are not in plan B if your daughter gives you messages. Make sure your daughters understand that plan B is essential for your health.

Voyager, you are doing great!! i would strongly suggest you plan to go into Plan B. Are you familiar with Plan B? Do you have someone who could be an intermediary for you?

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First off, you didn't ask for his "forgiveness;" you haven't done anything wrong. And secondly, HE put his job in jeopardy by his unprofessional behavior. The best thing that could happen is that he would lose his job and be forced to find another one away from the OW. It is your ONLY HOPE. You will never have a chance to save your marriage while he works at the same place as the OW.

Yes I am in Plan B. I guess I have started over in Plan B after my break today. I do have an IM. Thank you for the encouragement. I have had a huge knot in my stomach all day wondering if I did the right thing.

i know it is hard, but you did the right thing! I would plan to stay in touch with the OW's husband so you can work together to kill the affair. Is his W still living at home? If so, it is highly likely she will dump your husband.

The OW has separated from her husband a week or two ago. My DD keeps asking me why I exposed at work. She is very angry with me as well. I have tried to explain that the affair had to be exposed so that they could not continue to have their special secret relationship; so far she is not getting it.

It's ok if she doesn't understand, she has no experience saving marriages. This advice comes from a psychologist who does have experience saving marriages.

Sounds like they had a plan in place to hook up. If the OW's husband will expose the affair there is a strong chance it will kill the affair. She won't be able to pretend that she broke up her marriage and just happened to find a new guy!

Good job for exposing to their jobs. You�re doing fantastic.

One of the most surprising things about Plan B is how good it feels. I had no idea that being away from my WH would feel so good. My house feels so peaceful, no tension. It is almost like a bad presence was there, and now that it's gone I can breathe easier. I feel terrible saying this about my WH, but it's true.....

This is one of the reasons that Dr. Harley tells betrayed wives to go into Plan B within 3 weeks of when they find out about their WH�s affair. Anymore can cause mental and emotional stress on women and cause health problems.