This is my first time posting on an online forum. I found out a few weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with my daughter-in-law. This is a second marriage for me and I can�t believe I�m going through this again. I left my first husband because he cheated, and now my current husband has done the same thing to me, but only worse. My son respected and admired him because he treated me much better than his father did.

My son has already filed for divorce from my daughter-in-law. She�s pleading for a second chance, but he�s made up his mind. I, on the other hand, am not so sure. As pathetic as it sounds, I still love my husband. He says he�ll do whatever it takes to make this up to me. We�ve been together for six years, married for four. I just don�t know if it�s worth trying to salvage. If I do give him a second chance, I think my son will cut me out his life. I don�t want that to happen, I don�t want to lose my grandkids. At the same time, I�m afraid to be alone. I�m 58 now; it doesn�t get easier meeting new people as we get older. My husband is 47 and while I was hesitant when he initially pursued me years ago, he eased my fears that age didn�t matter. Now it�s a huge insecurity again, will he cheat again with the next attractive, younger woman?

Sorry if I�m rambling, any support or words of encouragement will be appreciated.

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry to hear of the events in your marriage.

Tell us what you know about the affair. How long had it been going on? Where did they conduct the affair - in their homes? How did you find out about it? How long have your son and daughter-in-law been together - were they together when you met your husband, six years ago? Do they have any children? Are they still living together? Does your son know that you are considering staying with your husband? Do you have any other children?

Has your husband been married before? Does he have children? How did he "pursue you"? Do you think there might have been an ulterior motive?

Who else in the family knows about the affair? How did your son find out about it - did you find out first and tell him?

In addition to SugarCane�s questions. If your WH was married before why did his marriage end?

My husband said it's been going on since last August. It started when I was away on a girls' weekend and my son took their kids to visit a few cousins. My daughter-in-law called my husband to use our pool after she got out of work. She came over, they drank, ended up skinny dipping, and then had sex. They continued to have sex every Sunday when my son takes the kids to visit their grandfather. My daughter-in-law doesn't go with them because she doesn't get along with my son's step mother. I always thought my husband was at the gym working out.

My son and daughter-in-law are both 35, they've been together for 10 years, and have two sons under the age of 7. They were together long before I met my second husband, but I never noticed anything between my husband and daughter-in-law. My son kicked his wife out, he's filed for divorce, and refuses to consider reconciliation. I also have two daughters who live a few states away.

My husband was married once before, he divorced his first wife because she cheated. I don't understand how he can turn around and do that to me, knowing firsthand the devastation it causes. We met at a gym, we had been in the same yoga class several times before he asked me out for coffee. He took things slow, was always respectful, and made the age difference a non-issue. I don't think he had an ulterior motive, he didn't know my son or daughter-in-law before meeting me.

At this point, the entire family knows. My son has told everyone. He suspected his wife was cheating so had hidden cameras installed in their house, that's how he found out she was having sex with my husband. He confronted her as soon as saw the video and then told me. I didn't want to believe it, but he said he has video proof.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to be alone.

What is the age difference between you and your H?

We're 11 years apart, I'm 58, he's 47. He's been very remorseful and apologetic, he doesn't want to lose me.

His actions don't say that at all. His actions say he is so reckless that he would destroy your family over his affair with your DIL. He was perfectly willing to lose you by having sex IN YOUR HOME WITH YOUR DIL. He has already destroyed one marriage and wrecked your relationship with your own son. If you stay with him, I predict you will be more alone than you can even imagine. Here is the future I see for you: more affairs from him until he leaves you. But you will have alienated your son and grandchildren so you have no family at all.

I can't believe you would sacrifice your relationship with your son over a man you just met 6 years ago. A man very likely to not be around for long. Look at the seriousness of what he has done. He had an affair with your son's WIFE - IN YOUR HOME.

Where will you go when you have NO ONE?

Have you spoken to his X-wife to find out how their marriage ended? I bet this is not his first affair. Do you have more money than him?

Your son should have nothing to do with you if you stay with this man. Your H has destroyed your son's marriage and your grandchildren's family. Asking your son to accept your H is like asking the rape victim to be around his rapist.

I am your age with a grown married son. If I were in your shoes, I would divorce this man and move out of that house. Staying with him is a grievous affront to your son and your grandchildren. Even coming to your house would be an affront. Get rid of this guy and find someone new. PACK HIS BAGS TODAY AND MOVE HIM OUT.

I understand you are in love, but it has completely impaired your judgement. You are mature enough to understand that.

Did he marry you for your money? That is what i suspect. As soon as you "forgive" him he will be off having sex with the DIL again. [if he isn't right now]

Your son and grandchildren have never wronged you, but the wrong this guy has done to you and to them is tremendous and unbearably painful.

I think you should side with the people who love you.

And then you will see no choice but to move on to the next deadbeat man, and the ones after that. You'll be alone and constantly trying to fix that and will never be able to succeed unless you raise your standards and say "NO WAY ANYBODY IS GOING TO TREAT MY FAMILY LIKE THIS. NOBODY IS GOING TO TREAT ME LIKE THIS"

So he happily continued this "double betrayal" affair for nearly a year, and now is remorseful and apologetic? Of course he is; if you end the marriage, he'll be homeless and broke.

And by the way, I don't think he's telling you the truth about how and when the affair started. I highly doubt that your son's wife rang and asked to use the pool, and came over anyway to slip into her bikini knowing that you weren't at home. That was a highly improper thing to do, and most young women would not have gone over to swim with only their (step) father-in-law being around. Something was going on before that happened.

You can't let your fear of being alone determine how you proceed. If you do, you might as well admit that you're willing to let him live with you and have sex with whomever he wants.

Where does your daughter-in-law live now?

How long ago was your husband married, and for how long? Does he have any children?

If you ever have a man in your life again, be sure to pick a man who:
1. will never spend the night apart from his wife, and
2. does not drink alcohol

You were away, and her husband was away with her kids, so she rang your husband to go over for a swim. Even if this was the first event, she knew what was going to happen, and so did he.

Please tell us you are not pressuring him to reconcile. That is his decision to make.

And you will never recover if you consider to see this skank.

Absolutely.

This was a date. And not a junior high school date.

And this was surely not the first date. He's out and out lying and will never tell the truth on this.

If your son reconciles with his wife you can never see him again because it will be too painful for you.

If you reconcile with your sorry excuse for a husband your son can never see you again because it will be too painful for him.

There is no affair recovery plan that works that would break those rules. Recovery isn't possible with continued contact with the affair partner.

Your son will never heal if you keep this dirtbag in your life. His only choice to heal will be to cut off contact.

I told him I�m filing for divorce and he changed his story. He says he�s been sleeping with my daughter-in-law over the course of our entire marriage. He said it�s been on and off over the years, but they�ve always had a spark between them. I don�t know what�s true and what isn�t, I think he just wants to be vindictive now.

He�s out of the house and I�ve retained a lawyer. I don�t think this will end as quickly as I hope, but I�m making the right decision.

Good job! I hope you never speak to him again. Just let your lawyer handle him. How does your son feel about it?