Seems like me and my husband do better on Monday through Friday when we don�t have interaction time between us and are able to talk on the phone for maybe 10 min. We alternate time with our daughters after school activities. Oh, and we sleep in separate rooms, so by no interaction I mean 0 minutes physical interaction but we do talk on the phone during our breaks.

Weekends we don�t do well because we actually have to see each other: we start every weekend �okay� but automatically withdraw from each other when we dislike something the other did or said.

My problem is that I feel happier without interacting with him and seems like he does too. I even sometimes feel I no longer have emotional need of feeling bonded. We�ve both replaced that with our new business projects we have each started.... separately.

So I really don�t know what my question is but maybe someone has some useful insight. Maybe in a way I do wish that we�d start bonding again although my brain tells me the opposite.

Are you married? If so, how long? How many children?

Your marriage is on the decline and you are growing apart. You are falling out of love because your lifestyle does not support a marriage. Unless you want to end up divorced, you might want to turn that around by putting your marriage first instead of last.

How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts
and Restore Love to Your Marriage

I found this disturbing post from 2015:
https://forum.marriagebuilders.com/...an-abusive-relationship.html#Post2843988
Considering you had some posts removed, I wonder if you are safe around your husband. When was his last angry outburst?

I didn't realize you have been here for a few years. Did you follow the advice given to you by Dr Harley? It doesn't look like you have been using the program at all.

I guess that was my post although I dont recall it. Was emotionally a mess back then and I havent posted here over 3 years even had to do password recovery to login.

Me and my husband are two completely different individuals from 3-4 years ago. We no longer play dog and cat. We no longer blame each other/ no more victim / villain roles. We�ve both matured and my husband is now a good father, playful with our daughters, hardworking, and tries hard to have my house fixed all the time.

Yes and no about following the program. We tried following the marriage builders in the general recommendations without the separation part, but even when we scheduled lots of UA time and we were learning to decrease love busters, we had less and less but each slip resulted in detaching more emotionally until all AO were eliminated but so were we detached.

Fast forwarding to today, my husband opened a business now for over a year and he runs it after his daytime work, but although that means we arent really seeing each other, somehow since opening his business he started smiling and being happy and just feeling accomplished and good about himself, but we dont interact much other than by phone weekdays... and I actually feel happier too this way.

I don�t know if there is still a way we could get into the program as a part of me wants to retry but there�s only the weekends time for that which we are very withdrawn from each other. He already sleeps about 5 hours per day weekdays and always falls asleep while working. It seems like if he comes to the our room (which we call it my room) on a regular day, its like he is actually visiting. It feels weird to have him around.

Your lifestyles do not support marriage. Being detached is the logical outcome of a detached lifestyle.

Me and my husband have mostly been separated (inside the same house) these past few years since around 2016. Not much interaction between us. There haven't been much love busters... because there isn't much interaction, so we really haven't had that much practice with that.

Our anniversary came a few months ago, and he was really nice and invited me out and acted as a real gentlemen, prepared several surprises... when he is caring, he is really really caring, and told me how much he loved me and wanted to work things out. I was really reluctant at first, as we tend to be okay, and then something always seems to come in the way. But it didn't last, and he got really mad a week after anniversary, and once again, we separated (inside the same house).

I initiated the divorce papers a few weeks back, and he didn't agree on the terms, as we are making plans to move anyways, even if married, paperwork is pushing me to move. We tried negotiating and what I proposed was fair, but no agreement... but the negotiation gave path to both agreeing to give this one last try, maybe move together, but I said, this time we need to follow a plan and to please do the marriage builders coaching.

So I scheduled our first call, but my husband wasn't available for the first call, so what my coach said was that we both have to be on the same equation for this to work, with the same goal, and both educated, and not just for him to hear the concepts of marriage builders through me and to request, not demand for him to read himself. My love busters book, well my husband threw that to the trash some years ago, and I rescued it (twice), but now I was looking for it and didn't find it. My husband WONT read it so okay, and he has kindly requested me to not ask him anymore to read it. The next coaching call I had to cancel, as he said, he'd only have 15 minutes to talk, he said he will try our marriage without the coaching.

Since last week that we agreed to restart, we have been good, no significant love busters. Last night, was the first AO and DJ in the week, and he got really mad and insulting. The surprising thing was that usually this meant not talking for a week, and as I was in bed I felt him come next to me and hold my hand and say, where are the marriage builders questionnaire. I will fill those out. This morning he called to tell me he really wants to try this time. He is scheduling family time for us and the kids each day. So I think this time its different. I'm really really really really drained from this relationship, but I have decided to give this my very best try. Oh, and he has moved back into the bedroom without me asking him to. He just returned back to the room and been in the same bedroom for a week now.

Obviously love busters don't eliminate just like that. It takes time. And I think this time he will try for reals. Anyways, what is the best way to proceed when a DJ, or SD is on the table, write them down for later?

There are a few things that we could pick apart from your post - such as the concept of being "separated in the same house" and the negative effect that has on your well-being - but before all that, the most important thing is that your coach was right with her advice.

If your husband won't listen to, and vigorously work on, your complaints, without anger or disrespect at the fact that you express them, you won't be able to rescue your marriage. You cannot do this on your own. It's unacceptable when he makes promises of good will that evaporate as soon as he is annoyed by something. You can't drag him through this. You've been trying to do that for so long that you sound really broken down by it. You are "really really really drained" by it and yet still you plan to give it your best try.

You shouldn't be doing that. You should be watching for him to give it his best try, and asking him to leave the house at the next angry outburst. This last one happened only last night? How is this progress?

You agreed to give this one last try but with MB coaching. He agreed to that, but was unavailable for the first call. What was more important to him than that? And do you see that he failed a the first hurdle?

He had only 15 minutes to give to the next call, so he failed at the second hurdle.

He agreed to the MB programme but has asked you NOT to ask him to read Love Busters. So, he made a promise and then failed at the third hurdle.

He had an angry outburst last night (a "significant" one; so what about all the others?) - so he failed at the fourth hurdle. It seems that what he has actually accomplished successfully is to move back into the bedroom, which no doubt is a warm and comfortable place, and to not have you being cold and distant to him, which is also a very comfortable place for him. He has asked you for the questionnaires, which you see as progress, but which really is the opportunity for him to fill out HIS list of needs and his complaints about you. How is that progress?

You need to be prepared to walk away at the next failure, Newcase. It is bad for your mental health to carry on dragging him along like this.

Have you read What to do with an Angry Husbandand listened to the radio clips?

I am back.... same old same old. My relationship with my husband has been an endless cycle. I had been advised to separate but I guess I always thought “ this time we were restarting”... We are so distant in the same bedroom... but with a line on the bed, a virtual or emotional one.

I have read a lot from this site, read the books, and even had a session by phone with MB coach. My husband dislikes the MB ideas and wanted to rebuild our marriage his way... I did follow him and his rules... we failed.

We don't argue anything, I just feel too far to argue. I did fall a bit into depression but I dedicated a lot into being happy or telling myself the many blessings, and doing sports. I have a new sport routine, met a Sport group mostly females to run and do sports, 1 to 1.5 hrs per day. This made me feel further away from my husband. I feel happy and energized after sports and feel numb with my husband.

If my husband wanted to fix this with a real Marriage program, off course i’d give everything again. We’ve been distant for a while and He just called to make things work, but I know it is only a cycle that we’ve done too many times. He just called to tell me his idea how we are going to be fine. It doesn't work and I told him I honestly don't think it will work because they didn't work before. He cycles too much. I feel so much resentment and have no idea what he feels or think or want out of life. I don’t understand why he cycles, why he is so impulsive and why he can’t control his hurting words when he is angry. But he says I am the sensitive one, that there is no perfect marriage and that getting mad is healthy to not keep things inside. He wants to talk again like for 1000th time.... I feel guilty of not trying even if deep inside I dont believe in him anymore.

You haven't asked for any advice, Newcase. What can we help you with?

I don’t know what my question is, I guess none.
Read a lot here and there and do know what I have to do.

Thanks marriage builders for so much teaching material. I went tangent and around advises ended up in the same place. But it is what it is.