It's hard to know where to start because it feels like my husband I have so many issues. But I'm just going to try to put it out there because I need help, so I'll start with today.

I feel that our biggest problem at this moment is independent behavior. We've been arguing about it since Friday. I feel that he doesn't consider me at all and thinks it's ok to do whatever he wants. He says I'm trying to mother him and make him give up who he is, and that he's already given up a lot and refuses to budge any more.

One of the main issues is time with his family. I feel that he wants to spend an excessive amount of time with them. It's more than that because while he is there, I am at home by myself with our baby, and I'm not able to have my own time away, ever. There have been several times he has gone to see his family and gotten drunk and then been mean to me (he now drinks way less than he used to). It's not unusual for him to tell me he will be home at a certain time, then he is hours late. He smokes pot every time he's there, and he knows I hate that.

He will tell me he's going one place, then I later find out he's been driving around with family members, to several places up to an hour away or more, visiting other people or running errands or whatever. For example, I'll think he's 30 minutes away and going to head home at 1, then at 130 he tells me he's over an hour away and will be leaving in a while. There have been times he has gone to work then to see his family, and been gone 24 hours or more.

Plus there are trust issues due to him having an emotional affair 2 years ago. The icing on the cake... my husband's brother is now living with the woman that my husband cheated on me with.

A few weeks ago my husband promised me all this would stop. Now that it's still happening, it's excruciatingly hurtful because of how blatantly he is disregarding my needs. I can beg him not to go, and will say something like I'm going to make him choose his family over me, and I'm way too controlling, and I'm trying to keep him from his family. My goal is not for him to never see his family, but to repair OUR family, and I've tried to explain that several times.

Obviously I have not been perfect in this situation, he sees me as making selfish demands. And at this point I'm so upset about the situation that I have trouble controlling my emotions. We start fighting as soon as he says he's going there, even if it's just a "normal" visit and he's home on time.

This is getting very long though I feel like it's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm not sure where to go from here, or if there's hope. Is Plan A appropriate? I'm not sure if I'm emotionally capable of meeting his needs while I feel so hurt and completely disregarded, but I'm willing to try one more time.

Hi Sunyata. Are you married? And if so, how long? I see you have been here for about 8 years but never posted. What inspired you to register 8 years ago?

We have been separated since November. We are not actually married... we are engaged. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, and my fiance and I have one together.

I originally registered when I was with my ex husband. We divorced mostly due to his mental illness.

My fiance and I have been living separately, seeing each other about 2-3 times a week and trying to work on things but it hasn't exactly been going smoothly. He was wanting to move back, making promises, then today I learned he was confiding in female friends about our relationship. I told him I'd found out this was happening, and before I could ask him to stop doing it or have any sort of conversation about it, he started verbally attacking me and said he is done, that I am destroying him.

He says I make it so that he is wrong in every situation. He says "everything hurts you". I have been overly critical at times but I believe I'm doing a lot better at that now. But how do I handle it when he is doing things I believe are truly hurtful or wrong, and his response is to turn it around and blame me for being bothered by it?

I would suggest he is not a candidate for marriage and move on from him. Dating is a job interview for marriage and I would say he has failed the test. Living together before marriage is a disaster for relationships. Please read this: Living Together Before Marriage