Don't feel terrible - let people know how much damage infidelity hurts and how the only solution is for it to end or to get away from it (Plan B).

I've been struggling the last few days with missing my husband. It helps if I think of him as two separate people. Husband number one was the first one - the one that loved me for 20+ years. Husband number two is WH - someone completely different that lied, cheated, betrayed, and wounded me deeply. I don't miss husband number two and I'm relieved that he's out of my house. But man, do I miss husband number one; I love him and I miss talking to him. I'm afraid number one is gone forever. Don't worry; I am NOT going to talk to WH. I am committed to Plan B.

Yeah, I came up with a special name for the wayward version! It's ok to grieve for the fact your husband has murdered his own character, but be careful to not let it swamp you. Cry in the shower or for a small part of the day but then you need to get walking.

What are you doing to stay busy and cheerful?
What are your life goals right now?
Are you triggered by deliberate memories, mementos, songs, pictures etc? Can you pack this stuff up?

Plan B is not just what you DON'T do. It's a castle of your own making.

I am trying to walk each evening with my daughter or friends - I really enjoy that. I work in my garden. Also, my daughter and I enjoy just sitting and watching television together; we've even joked about how now we have complete control of the remote. There is also a lot to do around the house now that I'm "single;" mowing, trash, etc. Staying busy has not been hard, but cheerful is still hard. I don't feel cheerful at all. However, I will say that I feel at peace about my situation. I have faith that all will work out for the best, whatever that may look like. I pray a lot. My life goals are to take one day at a time, and keep telling myself that I'm strong, intelligent, beautiful, capable. And I have a lot of people that support me and love me, especially now that I've exposed. I had some hesitation about the work exposure at first, but now I am definitely glad that I did it. Nothing pre-affair triggers me. But many things from the last year are upsetting. I think you are right about getting rid of some stuff, indiegirl. Just this morning I was looking at something he got me for Christmas. He was having an affair when he bought it, so now that gift makes me sick. I am going to put it away, along with any pictures we took during the last year.

Getting rid of stuff where you daily trip over it is key. I completely threw out stuff. I felt that even if recovery happened it had to be brand new stuff, pics even ring.

Your plan sounds nice and peaceful but you could maybe be more indulgent and fun? Even if it's just redecorating your space, or doing something on your bucket list, or taking a day trip every weekend.

My top tips are silly fun movies, pedicures, charity shop books, walking on the beach, sleepovers, eating cereal or popcorn for dinner just for the hell of it and kittens.

But everyone's list is different.

Okay, indie - the gift has been put away out of sight. Tomorrow I am getting a pedicure with a friend, and then we're sitting by the pool. And, as a complete surprise to me, we have ended up babysitting a friend's kitten for a week; she is fabulous.

I'm getting a lot of pressure from one of my DD: "Can't you just talk to dad one time for five minutes?" And one of his friends called me the other night and said "How can you work on your marriage if you won't talk to WH?" AARGHH!!!! Still not giving in, but it is getting frustrating having to explain over and over why I am not communicating with WH.

Voyager, i would ask them to stop bringing it up. It is none of their business.

I get a little perturbed when well meaning family members try and dictate how one should run their life when it is not their ox getting gored. After all, it won't hurt the "friend" or your DD if you break your Plan B, but it WiLL hurt you.

Yeah this guy needs to be Plan Bd too. And excluded from recovery if you ever get there. A real friend would be telling the wayward to stop being a douchecanoe not being the big chief of telling people how to be betrayed properly.

As for your daughter, it is at least her business but it's not her call. I wouldn't put on a brave face for her. Let her see you cry, or tell her plainly it will cause you pain and sleeplessness nights and nausea. Or just get really comfortable with the word no.

But at the end of the day, even if she doesn't accept she has no call to being your terribly inexperienced matchmaker you're the boss of you, not her, not him and not random men who think cheating is no biggie.

Right now waiting is the hardest part. I feel good; I feel confident; I'm feeling happy part of the time. I'm crying a lot less. And I am standing firm on NC. I don't even know the status of my WH and the OW, but I have a feeling that of course that relationship is still on. It is a bit discouraging to think about how many months I could have ahead of me until something happens - whatever that may be.

I have a daughter the same age. She is also very angry at me for exposing and for asking for tech help to move faster. I told her that I am following a program designed by an expert Ph.D with Christian values who has saved thousands of marriages. She is still not speaking to me. The move wrecked a brilliant academic situation for her.

She just has no idea, and I am certain that most 16 year old girls do not understand the Big Picture yet, no matter how bright they may be.