Hello MB friends. Haven't posted in a long while but always reading and learning. DH and I are very happy and forever grateful to Dr. Harley and the MB program. I am wondering what the veterans think about renewing marriage vows. Or perhaps writing new ones and having a ceremony for the two of us in celebration of our MB marriage. Good idea or bad?

How long have you been married?

Married almost 39 years.

BG, I have been searching Dr Harley's articles and Q&A columns, and his replies on the private form, because I'm sure I've read that he thinks renewing vows after a trauma is a good idea - but I can't find the reference. I'm fairly sure I saw this in his writings about recovery from an affair, but it would surely apply to any near-breakdown of the marriage, such as you were experiencing when you first posted here.

I can't see how it could be a bad idea. You are committing yourselves to a new marriage in which you promise to meet each other's emotional needs, and to avoid being the source of unhappiness. How can it possibly be bad to make that commitment anew? And I don't see that the principle is different whether you use standard vows or write your own.

The fact that you are both happy and in love is worth celebrating out loud, in front of witnesses!

Thanks Sugar! I agree, �the fact that we are both happy and in love is worth celebrating�!

BG, would you say that you have both worked to eliminate love busters, that you use POJA in all decisions (i.e.no compromising, or reluctantly agreeing for the sake of an easy life, or sacrificing for each other), that you are each other's favourite recreational companions and you spend 15 hours per week on dates, and that neither of you is demanding, angry or disrespectful to the other?

We have both worked to eliminate love busters, yes. We use POJA in all decisions, it is sometimes difficult not to reluctantly agree, but it is safe for me to disagree. We are each others favorite companions now although we aren't sticking to the full format of the dates.

Neither of us is demanding, angry or disrespectful any longer. DH listened the the radio program daily for months until we had no internet for the past summer. He loved it. Now that we have internet again we will start listening together.

We both find we are so tired through the work week that we don't go out as often as recommended. We do spend alot of great time together and we have lots of affection and IC. The dating was 20 hours or more while we were falling back in love.

This past year, we have been putting plans in place to eliminate the problem of being too tired for each other. We downsized, bought a motorhome and submitted our notices of retirement. In a couple of months, we are retiring and we are hitting the road for a long journey. The epitome of RC for us.