Online Cheating

So I am not sure if this is the right place for this but I just needed some advice about my husband's addiction or constant online cheating.

We have been married for 25 years but both of us have been busy through the years due to our work but when there's a chance we always try to bond for as much as we can. I can say that the marriage isn't so bad... we had a lot of fun times together especially whenever our children are around.

However the problem is... my husband seems to be addicted in online cheating. I found out that he has been visiting different cam sites and chatted with different cam models for years and paid them. Sometimes they offer cyber sex but most of the times it was just them acting like lovers. Telling them "I love you's" etc. He even have one that he's been regularly chatting with for years. They are exchanging "I love you's" and share them some thing about his life (what he is doing and feeling) even especial events. The only thing he don't share is me... or anything about us or our relationship us husband and wife. He told her a lot about his life.

They chat everyday even when he's home. They chat when he's working, when driving, when out. He rarely chat with her when I am around but he still message her.

Even promising future with her and tellin her he wants to be with her. I know these lines are often used by cheaters to their OW. And he's still trying to chat with other cam models so I do not really think he is serious with her.

He still act the same towards me although he can be moody at times.

So my question is, should I confront him about it? I mean is this something to worry about? Its just online and he may be just bored. Or is this something else or problem that's making him look for girls online?

Welcome to MB and sorry for what has brought you here. Do you have spyware on his devices? Do you have all your evidence saved to a secure place? Are any of these women locally? Has he met any of these OW?

Thanks for your reply. I do not have spyware on his devices but I was able to guess the password on his mobile phone. He used to visit those sites and chat with girls using his laptop but after I caught him years ago and confronted him, he stopped using his laptop and started using his phone instead.

No some of those women are foreign. I do not think he met any of them yet (at least as far as I know).

So I am not sure if I should confront him again about it and ask him to stop or just let him be..because he may just be bored being alone most of the times.

Hi Letixia, welcome to Marriage Builders. Yes, of course, you should confront your husband and demand that he stop. He is committing infidelity, which is very damaging to marriage. Please read Surviving an Affair and start with the extraordinary precautions checklist:


From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Letixia119, do you have the ability to support yourself? When you first heard about this were you angry? What is the advantage of staying with him?