Discovery of husbands affair was August 17<BR>he begged me to work out our marriage, we have been in counseling every week since I found out. Just discovered yesterday that he has had contact with her since Sept. He is denying of course claiming that the OW is just trying to start trouble but it's true he has talked to her and seen her....so I packed him up and moved him out. I tried really hard to get passed the anger and hurt from the affair and was making great progress, I really tried to make my marriage strong but.......now I am done so done he is STILL begging to work it out...lying and denying and crying and begging to work it all out.....but to save myself from this roller coaster and nightmire I am done..done done call me a quitter call me defeated I don't care because my heart cannot take any more I'm done. Smushed, crushed, shattered scared, and disgusted but done.<BR>Good luck to all of you who have been betrayed.

I discovered (strongly suspected) my Wife's affair late July. <P>Unlike your husband, my wife never expressed any remorse whatsoever.<P>To me there is a sense of relief that I don't have to keep going through this type of emotional abuse.<P>Paul

hello kwas, take a nice deep breathe, visualize a snowy calm mtn, suck down a drink or two! Whatever works to get you into a calm place.<BR>I would be so disgusted also. You have been working on the marriage, trying so hard, and he is still seeing the slut? The excuse that she is causing trouble will not fly-he is allowing her to interfere in the marriage and he will until he is ready to stop it. Kind of like daycare's mess.<BR>Yep, plan b may be something you have to consider. I have to agree with you. You are in no hurry, so take some time to think about all your options, think about what you would really like to see at the end of the rainbow. I cannot stress how improtant it is to take the time you need to make calm lucid decisions right now. I took many months, and really did not care who was waiting or why!! Let them wait, I am going to make the decision on my own, in my sweet time.<BR>Good things to do while sitting on the fence...exercise a lot! Eat well and read. Learn about yourself, what you really want to see everyday in your life. <BR>Plan b time?<BR>(((hugs))) I feel for you.

Deep breaths....<P>Calm down... You haven't thought about this... but there are a lot of people who love you... <BR>We here at this forum... <P>I joined as a member of this forum 3 days after you...<BR>My wife is gone...<BR>She now gives me the perpetual slient treatment!<P>I'm no saint... like <B>everyone</B> here a sinner...<P>You can't forgive now... it's OK...<BR>Give it time...<P>If your pain is so deep... so traumatic... consider yourself a candidate for an immediate Plan B...<BR>There is no shame in Plan B... it gives you the time to do the impossible (forgiving)... it gives you the time to maybe start the more difficult (forgetting)... it gives you the time to become a better you... for you... not necessarily your S.<P>We're praying for you tonight...<BR>We'll pray tomorro night...<BR>and as you might guess... for as long as you ask...<P>Take a deep breath...<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...<P>

I really know how you feel! Only I went nuts! I found out in July 6 affairs in last 5 years.. I threw him out..then paged him..yelled at him...cried..threw him out again...paged him because he was seeing a therapist who told him not to beat himself up and to be nice to himself...what! I was MAD...so I told him to get his [censored] home and help me watch the kids when he was off of work because I was crazy and he ruined our marriage and HE was having fun! He got all the attention for being the "bad boy" and I got all the responsibilities!<P>So I do know..I am done too..but he is here until I know what done means...he is not getting off...easy! He is gonna watch me when I am crazy and hurt and he is going to take responsibility for the kids and leave me alone until I know what I want...mine too lied...I found tons of continued connection on the internet! It was filthy and disgusting with videos and pictures everything one would NEVER imagine! I was repulsed and he was gonna see that too!<P>I have all that nasty stuff with a lawyer...as I said I don't know what done means yet...but he better be nice and leave me alone until I know! We have seperate rooms and 3 kids...<P>I have changed my mind so many times over the last 4 months! I have been so mad that I called the last OW and threatened to send all her nasty stuff to the supervisor! Let them all get fired I could care! She has another boyfriend that she was seeing along with my H and I threatened to send him the nasty stuff too!! oh I was stark raving mad! I could get all riled up again if I thinktoo much about it!<P>But it makes me really mad that the "bad guy" gets so much coddling when they finally confess!!! It seems that out of the woodwork comforters are all over them! What a bunch of crock!<P>Tell me what done ends up being for you! I am still crazy but seeming more like me everyday....

KWAS,<P>You are thinking with your heart and not your head. This is the first mistake I also made was to kick Val out the early morning hours after I found out.<P>If I would have slept on it, well really just layed there rolling around and, thinking about this, I could have made incredible deposits of love units after discovery.<P>But, by following the heart and not the head I have made this so much more incredibly difficult.<P>It has been said that "they" are in a fanstasy world while involved in the affair. We are really living in another world to be named at a later date. They don't see straight. We don't see straight.<P>Having H out of the house now complicates things so much more for you. Hopefully you will see clearing in the morning.<P>I'm sorry to hear of this most recent turn of events for you. We are all here for you.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

KWAS .. I have 2 posts on page 11 of the forum. Been here! My wasn't begging, but he didn't want a divorce. I was so ready to throw it all away.<BR>We are better now than we have been in years. I feel so good inside.<BR>Yes, I do feel the anger creeping in.<BR>My h was caught I couldn't tell you how many times and asked to stop and I would catch him in more lies. I was at the end of my rope, didn't care if I had to divorce, didn't care if the family knew, was sick of working on ME to find he was lying.<BR>Do I have proof he's not lying now, no, will I ever, not really. But He is so loving, he calls me to tell me where he is, I have his passwords to everything. I just don't see how he can be here for me in so many ways and still be in contact with her.<BR>I feel you though, if I were to catch him in a lie now, God Forbid!<BR>But give it a little time. Marriage is so worth saving. I had stopped believing that, even started thinking that maybe divorce would make us both happier. I was wrong. THere is no way I could be as happy as I am now! It's so very hard to overcome the mental pain, but it can be done. <BR>Hugs to you!! Update us okay?<BR>M<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Thank all of you for the wisdom in your reply.<P>Love? Bless your heart!!!!! I know you will end up in a great spot I just know it. <P>I threw H out, changed the locks, closed all accounts and told him to move his low life self out of my life!!!! He was reluctant to leave with some crying involved I threatend to call my brother and police and he left.<P>Unfortunately we have a three year old daughter that adores her father and for good reason he is the best father that I have ever seen in my whole life. He is an awesome dad. My three year old daughter had the worst weekend of her little life watching her dad cry all weekend begging to come home. She is normally very strong and vibrant without a care in the world but this weekend she was clingy and insecure and just plain sad. H is back for my daughter's sake right now...I don't have what it takes to mess up such a good strong little girl. So for right now I will stew and let my daughter have her family together. My H has for three days straight cried and begged and pleaded to give him another chance to prove his love for me for the "next 100 years" Lord have mercy I can't take much more of this.

<BR>KWAS,<P>I understand your pain and anger, but keep your H in the house! You can't grow closer during a separation, but you surely can grow father apart. There will always be time for a divorce, if that's what you and H agree on. And yes, you absolutely should agree on getting divorced - I have come to dislike "no fault" divorces, but that's a different thread. By divorcing quickly, without thinking it through, you could wind up regretting it later. Accidental divorces stink. The other posters are right - slow down. Think with your head, not your heart. Your husband is showing remorse, a great sign for the future of your marriage (and it makes it soooo much easier to forgive when there is remorse). A lot of people in here don't even have remorse to go on.<P>Bystander

Hi KWAS<P>I'm in exactly the same boat as you, with exactly the same anger and feelings of despair and that I cant take any more.<P>I woke up this morning after having a good nights sleep, and knew that Plan B is my only option. I majorly love busted last night (read my topic I've had it - I think)<BR>and I don't want to do that again. That really will destroy any chance we have, if we have any chance left.<P>I know where you're at, I feel resigned to giving up also, the heartache is just too much. Maybe it's our defence mechanism for this whole sad and sorry mess.<P>But, I do feel that even tho I am feeling this way now, and I'm committed to Plan B now, who knows what will be or happen a bit down the road. I'm still open to anything and everything, but it has to be Plan B for now.<P>Take care of you, you have to do what you feel you can handle, and what you're comfortable with. Noone else can decide that for you. I'm here for you, and thinking of you<P>Jo