Not sure what I came here to say. I was on this board in 2007 and 2009. I didn't really grasp what I was told at the time that could have been an immense help back then. I stuck through more torture in my marriage for another 8-10 years. I filed Jan 2017, final in Nov 2017, over 32 years. The divorce almost destroyed me, it was my ex's intent on doing just that. I shut down approx. 3 years prior; emotionally, physically, mentally exhausted and done. Another affair was the straw, sadly it shouldn't had taken that to be the final break, it had been broken for so long. After filing my exes true self began to show and it was horrific; the mind games were truly unbelievable. It took my son telling me he was a narcissist (yes my son has been the scapegoat all his life) for the pieces to finally fit and I am still working through it. Now I know Narcissist is a current fad and people call others that but I know it was what I dealt with all along; covert passive-aggressive, alcoholic type. I went from being a great mom and wife to being gutter trash that must be having affairs in a blink of an eye. I went from getting half of everything easily to not getting anything, it was a battle and my lawyer never dealt with the likes of it before. Its over, I went to therapy, I started before filing and my therapist started opening my eyes, I feel I was brainwashed and stupid for not seeing it for so many years. If you read any of my prior/archived post, I was in total denial and was absolutely great at taking the blame for any problems.
I am at peace now, took a long time. I can't say I am happy really. I have zero trust in people and as much as I wish to eventually some day come to know what real love is, it is terrifying.
I now am on many support forums and help any other those going through it. My only regret is not seeing it 20 years ago, not realizing it but I guess now is better than ever. Ex was getting worse, not better and I knew it was only a matter of time it would come to an ugly end and it did.
Please keep this forum up, please keep supporting people that are in need. I am glad I can now come back and read over what I wrote so many years ago. As sad as that sounds it just helps me to know I wasn't crazy and there was more wrong than I ever realized. Sue

Hi sonshineas, sorry for your ordeal but it sounds like divorce was the definition of success in your case. From skimming your old posts, I see alot of red flags that indicate he probably had several affairs over the years. Now you have a chance to have a happy, peaceful life.

Thank you Melody, you are correct. I am still coming out of the "fog" so to speak and seeing things in the past that should had waken me long ago. I think with the kids, stress, work, doing all the household stuff, etc I didn't have time to really think much. I have plenty of time now to think and reflect.