Hi,

Been together for 4 years and have had an issue come up that hasn’t happened to us and would like to see if I could get some help on how to address the situation.

My wife changed positions in her company a few months ago which also had her sitting in a cubicle area with new people. A few weeks after her move she said one of the guys that she sits by apologized for an incident between the two of them that happened at a function outside of work. The incident happened about 9 months prior to her moving into the spot by him. She told me that he apologized for something not long after he apologized to her and she didn’t think much of it except that she thought it was nice of him to apologize. I asked what happened and she said he came up behind her and rubbed her shoulders in a everything is ok type l of way. I asked her if she remembered the incident and she said no. I told her I thought it was odd that he remembered something 9 months ago and that to apologize must have made him think it was inappropriate, my wife said I don’t even remember and if it would have I would have remembered it. Moving forward I told her I thought it was weird and she disagreed, however she knew I didn’t like it. As time went on she talked about everyone around her in great detail when talking about her daily work life, it got to the point I had forgotten about the guy until, she mentioned him and her working on a project for a charity at work. I said something along the lines of that’s weird I haven’t heard anything about this guy and now you’re working on a charity event with him. None of this took place outside of work hours and I was involved in the charity event as well but have yet to meet or say one word to this guy. This was last month. Then in April we had another event for charity and we all went to a place external to their office. I had never met this guy and I had told my wife I would like to be introduced to him because as she knew I fought it was weird he remembered something 9 month later he did which he thought warranted an apology to my wife. At the event I was not introduced to him not was he introduced to me, I also was not made aware he was there. The event took place and on our way home she said his name in context outside of the function and I said I wish he would have been there today so I could have met him. She said he was there however she didn’t know it was a deal or she would have took me over to him. I then got angry and suspicious of this guy. I bit my tongue and slept on it. The following day I told her I was not comfortable with this guy, I was not comfortable with the situation of him avoiding me and it all seemed fishy. She got upset telling me nothing was happening and why I was accusing her of doing something wrong. She said if she knew I was going to get this upset she would have taken me to meet him. I trusted my wife and moved on. Today I found a text message from him to her, work related, however upsetting as she knew how I felt about him and she never told me he was texting her. This is her personal phone, she doesn’t have a company work phone . I asked her how he got her number and she said another coworker gave it to him. I then asked if this was the first time he texted her and she said no. I asked where the other texts were and she said she deleted them because she knew if she told me I would have gotten angry and it would have turned into an argument. Of course that is what happened, I became angry because she hid stuff from me and was not forthcoming about him texting her, knowing how I felt about him. She in turn said she hasn’t done anything wrong and being accused of something is hurtful. She told me she deleted the other texts, which she claims she never responded, because she knew how upset I was about the situation last weekend and didn’t want to fight. I am now at a point where even if I get told the truth my mind says otherwise. What do you feel I should do? I appreciate and and all advice/help. Thank you.

Hi Tommy, welcome to Marriage Builders. I would suggest you stop asking her about him and start quietly snooping. If you keep accusing, she will just go further underground if there is an affair in the works. I have a feeling, from what you have said, that there is a blossoming emotional affair. And the fact that your wife allows a man to text her indicates she has poor boundaries around men.

And to address the deleted texts above, why would she delete texts that would EXONERATE HER? That makes no sense. If the texts were appropriate and innocent, she should be happy to save them to prove her innocence, so her explanation for deleting them makes no sense.

In the meantime, I would get her phone while she is asleep and slip some spyware on it. I believe this spyware also can retrieve deleted texts.Once you get the facts, come here and we will help you remedy this situation and save your marriage. https://www.webwatcher.com/?gclid=C...-pun4Mtxskr01epkmhLOd2mKcgxoC0b4QAvD_BwE

I would also research this guy. Go look him up on facebook and collect the names of his family and friends. Find out every thing you can about him. Is he married?

Are you married?

I am married, we were married in 2018 but together since 2014

Did you read my post?