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[. I don’t have all the pieces but there is an emotional (maybe more) affair with a married man who works in the same field and lives out of state. sadfather, did you just find this out today or were you going to keep this to yourself in the hopes that it wouldn't matter to the plan we give you? No, recent discovery.
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[. I don’t have all the pieces but there is an emotional (maybe more) affair with a married man who works in the same field and lives out of state. sadfather, did you just find this out today or were you going to keep this to yourself in the hopes that it wouldn't matter to the plan we give you? No, recent discovery. Gotcha. Thanks. I am sorry you found this, but just know that having this intel will give you a chance to save your marriage. Do you have evidence of an affair at this point?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[. I don’t have all the pieces but there is an emotional (maybe more) affair with a married man who works in the same field and lives out of state. sadfather, did you just find this out today or were you going to keep this to yourself in the hopes that it wouldn't matter to the plan we give you? No, recent discovery. Gotcha. Thanks. I am sorry you found this, but just know that having this intel will give you a chance to save your marriage. Do you have evidence of an affair at this point? Not exactly. Just saw a long string of texts about going to dinner, drinks, meet up here, etc. between work related stuff. Lots of flirty emojis, nothing overtly sexual but can’t rule that out. Definitely way beyond the lines of “friends” for 2 married people but can’t say I blame her for responding to the attention that she wasn’t getting from me. His FB is locked down so can’t get a lot on info. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone though in my life. I can’t believe my marriage is going to end like this. I may try to get a phone consult with Dr Hartley as a last ditch effort but I really think she’s done.
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[
Not exactly. Just saw a long string of texts about going to dinner, drinks, meet up here, etc. between work related stuff. Lots of flirty emojis, nothing overtly sexual but can’t rule that out. Definitely way beyond the lines of “friends” for 2 married people but can’t say I blame her for responding to the attention that she wasn’t getting from me. His FB is locked down so can’t get a lot on info. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone though in my life. I can’t believe my marriage is going to end like this. I may try to get a phone consult with Dr Hartley as a last ditch effort but I really think she’s done. Just so you know, the advice we are giving you is the plan we got from Dr. Harley. He is not going to tell you to do anything different from what we are telling you. Most of us saved our own marriages using this plan. While there are no guarantees, you have a good chance of saving your marriage if you can follow his plan. Believe me, we all know FIRST HAND how tough this is. But you have a chance to save your marriage if you can follow a plan. That plan right now is for you to get the evidence of the affair. Save copies of the texts, get emails, etc. Get everything. On OM's facebook page, can you see any posts where people have liked them? Can you find his wife's page? Have you searched for his address, etc?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[I can’t believe my marriage is going to end like this. I may try to get a phone consult with Dr Hartley as a last ditch effort but I really think she’s done. The battle has JUST begun. You don't have any reason to just give up without trying. I have seen 10x worse than this end in recovery. But it will be over right now if you just needlessly surrender. Seriously, sadfather, the OM would like nothing better for you to just roll over without a fight. Why hand your marriage over to a dirty rat who doesn't care about your wife? i predict he will dump your wife at the first sign of conflict. But you can't just sit there in defeat without trying. This is far from over, friend!!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It is very very unlikely that the OM is going to leave his wife for a piece of side action. That is very rare. Ninety five percent of affairs end quickly once exposed because the traits that made them possible, dishonesty, deceit, thoughtlessness eventually destroy the relationship. You have a much better chance of staying married than she has of pursuing her affair. Most of here who have saved our marriages attribute it to exposure. It is the MOST effective weapon against affairs. "Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery." "The reason for the wide exposure is not to hurt the unfaithful spouse, but rather to end the fantasy. Your husband's secret second life made his affair possible, and the more you can to to make it public, the easier it is for him to see the damage he's doing. Keeping it secret does damage, but few know about it. Making it public helps everyone, including the unfaithful spouse and lover, see the affair for what it really is."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you actively and aggressively working on getting the evidence? Do you have spyware on her cell?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[I can’t believe my marriage is going to end like this. I may try to get a phone consult with Dr Hartley as a last ditch effort but I really think she’s done. The battle has JUST begun. You don't have any reason to just give up without trying. I have seen 10x worse than this end in recovery. But it will be over right now if you just needlessly surrender. Seriously, sadfather, the OM would like nothing better for you to just roll over without a fight. Why hand your marriage over to a dirty rat who doesn't care about your wife? i predict he will dump your wife at the first sign of conflict. But you can't just sit there in defeat without trying. This is far from over, friend!!! Thank you for the encouragement. I am not giving up, just trying to have reasonable expectations to avoid further hurt. I’m trying to make deposits in the “love bank” but it appears closed, which I understand may have a lot to do with the OM. She has already told her parents about her desire for divorce so that’s not a good sign. I can’t bring myself to tell mine, they really like her. We’ll see if she continues to read the book, I think she’s just doing it in hopes I’ll give up after she does. As for the OM, just have a name, age and city. Nothing on his spouse and I’ve looked. He may not really care about her but he sure knows how to lay it on thick with the affirming words and compliments, something I was never good at. Nothing you could use in court to prove an affair but certainly totally inappropriate for a business relationship between 2 married individuals.
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Are you actively and aggressively working on getting the evidence? Do you have spyware on her cell? No - it is a company owned phone with what I believe some of their business software as well. I image there could be some legal ramifications to that, plus it just feels wrong. So does the snooping but I had to know.
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Are you actively and aggressively working on getting the evidence? Do you have spyware on her cell? No - it is a company owned phone with what I believe some of their business software as well. I image there could be some legal ramifications to that, plus it just feels wrong. So does the snooping but I had to know. You need to get over your "feelings" that this is wrong - and FAST. Feelings are not truth. No spouse has the right to the privacy to destroy her spouse behind his back. You have every right to know what she is doing behind your back. Your marriage and your family depend on finding out the truth. Do you think the police are being "wrong" when they spy on drug dealers? Of course not. Yes, there could be legal ramifications. I have been here for 18 years, though, and have never seen it happen. What I have seen is marriages lost because the spouse sat by idly and did nothing. You need to buck up here and find a way to spy on her, even if it means hiring a PI. I’m trying to make deposits in the “love bank” but it appears closed, which I understand may have a lot to do with the OM. Yes, it has everything to do with the OM. Women are open to one man at a time. It is the REASON she wants the divorce. She is hoping the OM will leave his wife too, which he probably will not. She has already told her parents about her desire for divorce so that’s not a good sign. The only bad sign I see here is that you have not obtained the evidence to give them so they can persuade her to end her affair, quit her little job and save her marriage. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to save this. I can’t bring myself to tell mine, they really like her. Get the evidence and you can tell them and enlist their help. We’ll see if she continues to read the book, I think she’s just doing it in hopes I’ll give up after she does. It is like asking a falling down drunk to read the Big Book of AA. It is a meaningless gesture until he sobers up. Your wife is drunk on an affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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] [
[quote]We’ll see if she continues to read the book, I think she’s just doing it in hopes I’ll give up after she does. I just want you to know the book won't turn this around. Killing her affair WILL. Your marriage can't survive if you don't kill the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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][quote=sadfather][ We’ll see if she continues to read the book, I think she’s just doing it in hopes I’ll give up after she does. I just want you to know the book won't turn this around. Killing her affair WILL. Your marriage can't survive if you don't kill the affair. Ok, I am on board. I really think she is done with me and I am out of options. Any specific products you recommend? I saw the forum dedicated to this but there’s not too much recent traffic. A web search reveals lots of options but I’m Insure what to trust and where to start.
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[
Ok, I am on board. I really think she is done with me and I am out of options. Any specific products you recommend? I saw the forum dedicated to this but there’s not too much recent traffic. A web search reveals lots of options but I’m
Insure what to trust and where to start. I thought that is why you were here?  I am recommending that you follow the Marriage Builders program, as designed by Dr Harley, to bust up an affair. Thats what we have been advising all along. Isn't that why you are here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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A VAR hidden in the car or the room where she talks on the phone might give results. Does she use WiFi for in house internet use? Check via the router/modem what sites are visited. Can you put a GPS unit on her car? Does she have an iPhone and can you acces the account via an iPad? Synchronizing is a nice feature. Do you have access to her phone and can you look at location history? Does she use a pc? Find a good keylogger, either hardware or software.
I believe Flexispy has good reviews and a good helpdesk. You can find out if the app is supported on her phone.
Google can provide interesting results of you Google OM name plus images. Be creative. Can you see FB pictures with comments? FB gives you access to some of his info if you are a friend of his friends. You'd be surprised how easy a friendship request is accepted it you play some stupid game. Of course, don't use your own FB account, create a new one.
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And you cannot trust a single word that comes from an adulterer. They live in a parallel universe.
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[
Ok, I am on board. I really think she is done with me and I am out of options. Any specific products you recommend? I saw the forum dedicated to this but there’s not too much recent traffic. A web search reveals lots of options but I’m
Insure what to trust and where to start. I thought that is why you were here? I am recommending that you follow the Marriage Builders program, as designed by Dr Harley, to bust up an affair. Thats what we have been advising all along. Isn't that why you are here? Sorry I wasn’t clear, I meant specific techniques and/or products to confirm the affair. Goody2shoes offered some good ideas.
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[I really think she is done with me and I am out of options. I don't agree with you and am not sure why you want to give up so easily. I realize you are new to this and haven't seen these situations play out before, but we have. Hundreds of times. What we are recommending is Plan A, which means killing the affair while promising to meet her needs in the future.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
Sorry I wasn’t clear, I meant specific techniques and/or products to confirm the affair. Goody2shoes offered some good ideas. I gotcha! Thanks for clarifying.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Webwatcher is another really effective spyware program for cell phones and laptops.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If she has an Iphone you can see the locations she frequents:
Settings > Privacy > Location Services > System Services > Significant/frequent Locations.
You must authenticate yourself to see them, using your passcode, Touch ID or Face ID.
Once you’re in, you’ll see a list of the towns and cities visited. Each one with sub-locations, and the date and time frame of the visits.
me, DH
all the children
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