A little background on me: My soon-to-be-ex and I went to a marriage builder's weekend back in 2010. He ended up being a serial cheater ~ I have proof of at least 10 other women. As if the affairs weren't bad enough the emotional abuse was worse. We have 3 preteen children. I filed for divorce 2 years ago and was only able to get him to move out of our house by court order 1 1/2 months ago. Long story short, my son accidentally read text messages between him and a mother of a child from my son's soccer team, telling each other how in love they were, etc. My son was devastated. They have only been seeing each other 5 weeks from my deductions.

This other woman has a son that is 13 and one that is 15. Last year her husband committed suicide and her oldest son found him. Needless to say, they went and are still going through hell. She and I were friends before my ex and her got together. My question is: should I warn her about him? Just 2 days ago he was trying to convince me to get back together with him and completely denied having a girlfriend. I KNOW that he will cheat on her and I do not want her or her sons to have to go through that. Nor do I want my son to have to deal with seeing this other woman at soccer, etc. I DO NOT want him back so this is not a vengeful act. I just feel like she needs to be warned. I sure would want to be warned. I am sure that he has painted a picture of me as a crazy ex, yada, yada. So how do I approach her so she can hear me and know I am just trying to look out for her.

He has already begun to bully me and be very hostile because he suspects I know something. He does not know that my son told me about her.

Help!!!

You can warn her, but chances are she will not believe you. People in love are kind of stupid. So keep it short and factual, don't be surprised if she does not believe you or gets angry.

Now back to you. Have you read surviving an affair, do you understand plan B and do your children know about the adultery?

Did you post here earlier and if so, can you give a link to your old thread?

Thank you for your reply! Yes, I read all of Dr. Harley's books, received counseling through marriage builder's, and attended the weekend retreat. Our marriage is irreparable, unfortunately. I really do not care that he is with someone else. I just worry about her and her sons and my children. I have 12 year old triplets. My son found out about this latest woman. My daughters do not know yet. I will be telling them in the near future.

I am not in Plan B because I do not want to stay married to him. I try to avoid him at all costs however, he breaks any kind of barrier I put up. He will make a scene in front of the children and tell them that if I cared about them I wouldn't be doing this. He is very abusive.

Hello maroc, what a difficult situation. If I were you, I would tell the woman his background even though she will likely not want to believe you. She is setting herself up for disaster. I would definitely tell your daughters asap before they find out another way.

And Dr Harley would recommend Plan B for you. The purpose of Plan B is to protect a spouse from another spouse, not as a tactic to stay married. Being in Plan B would greatly alleviate the stress in your life. You would modify the Plan B letter significantly, of course, because you do not want to stay married. You would want to find an intermediary who has a stiff spine and wouldn't allow him to bully him/her.

Here is the How to Plan B Correctly. Like others have said you would use the IM and the parallel parenting. They are both in this thread.

Hi, maroc. What month did you to go Marriage Builders weekend in 2010? My wife and I were there in May. Just curious if we crossed paths.

Definitely you need Plan B. Plan B sets up parallel tracks, putting you in a position for recovery when your marriage does not recover or you do not want it to recover. The purpose is to help YOU.

Wohhh men can be a lot to handle