|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
I will admit its hard knowing she is looking at apartments and houses, makes part of me just wants to throw in the towel and let her have her life.
Even if it's not an affair I don't think she would ever want me to pursue her. I'm the liar and cheater she is trying to get away from.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I will admit its hard knowing she is looking at apartments and houses, makes part of me just wants to throw in the towel and let her have her life.
Even if it's not an affair I don't think she would ever want me to pursue her. I'm the liar and cheater she is trying to get away from. We are not asking you to pursue her. Our plan is to kill the affair, which is the reason she wants the divorce, and THEN attract her back. As long as there is an affair, her lovebank is closed to you, though. Once the affair is removed, her lovebank will be open. I realize you really really don't want to believe there is an affair, but I would strongly urge you to put aside your own notions and focus 100% on finding out what is going on. Now last night I discovered by accident that she is talking to someone else in a flirty manner. I was only able to see the few messages that popped up. It seems very new and I am assuming she is "involved" with this other man. YES, she is involved. And you need to get the evidence.........IF you want to save your marriage. Even if you don't, you still need to get the evidence so this dirty rat does not succeed in replacing you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
One more question, then I'm off for the night. What do I do if I'm discovered that I'm gathering this intel? Other than own up to it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
One more question, then I'm off for the night. What do I do if I'm discovered that I'm gathering this intel? Other than own up to it. Don't get caught! If you do, just ask her if she has something she is trying to hide?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
She announced tonight that she is done waiting. Since I have not been trying to work through the divorce with her and help make decisions that she is left with no choice to file on her own without any input from me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
She announced tonight that she is done waiting. Since I have not been trying to work through the divorce with her and help make decisions that she is left with no choice to file on her own without any input from me. Stick to your plan and don't lose your focus!! Get the intel.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 |
She announced tonight that she is done waiting. Since I have not been trying to work through the divorce with her and help make decisions that she is left with no choice to file on her own without any input from me. Stick to your plan and don't lose your focus!! Get the intel. Ha ha, sounds as if things are not going well in Affairland. OM is getting cold feet and she is beginning to panic. Be the tortoise, not the hare.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
Wish that were the case, she talked him into helping her run errands for work using his truck pick some stuff up yesterday. And I quote what she emailed him " Thanks for going today. It was nice to see a little of you and not work you. Thursday we stuff eggs and Mexican :)" He replied with "Yup yup happy to help! Sounds good I'll make sure I'm not doing anything but sounds good"
Several people will be staying late Thursday to get things ready for their Easter egg hunt at work, then going to eat afterwards.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Intel!! Get it. Focus, focus, focus....
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863 |
Your best hope of saving your marriage is exposing the affair. It may be physical already or it may still be emotional. In either case, it has grown to the point that she is turning to her fantasies of the affair instead of to her marriage.
In order to expose, you need to have enough evidence that would be convincing to a reasonable and prudent person. You are not going to include your evidence to everyone in your general exposure but you need to have it for yourself so you cannot be dissuaded by protestations of innocence. In selected cases you might end up sharing some of your evidence but not your methods for getting it.
I'm disappointed that her conversations in the VAR on Monday and Tuesday night didn't reveal specific information that would help you accurately understand what is going on.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
No nothing from the VAR, that was out of the ordinary just talked to her mom and some of her girlfriends about a girls-night to celebrate one of their birthdays, normal stuff she shares with me anyways.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 |
No nothing from the VAR, that was out of the ordinary just talked to her mom and some of her girlfriends about a girls-night to celebrate one of their birthdays, normal stuff she shares with me anyways. I'm guessing she suspects you are onto her and is being careful. Thursday evening's get together is a perfect opportunity for you. Do you have a strategy?
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
No I don't have a strategy, not even sure where I'd begin with one. I also discovered today that this afternoon they finally exchanged phone numbers.
They have been solely communicating through work email, but nothing in their emails suggest they are involved in any way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 |
No I don't have a strategy, not even sure where I'd begin with one. Can you find an excuse to show up at the event? I also discovered today that this afternoon they finally exchanged phone numbers. They have been solely communicating through work email, but nothing in their emails suggest they are involved in any way. If this is work email and your wife works in HR, I would not take anything at face value. She would not be foolish enough to write anything incriminating in an email and the phone number exchange may be for show.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
It's over she found the spy app and is proceeding with divorce. Thanks for all your help and support everybody.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It's over she found the spy app and is proceeding with divorce. Thanks for all your help and support everybody. Am I missing something? She already told you she was "headed for divorce" before you put on the spy app!! What has changed?? You need to stick to your plan and stay focused on getting the intel. And get BETTER at spying!! Don't get caught. I don't understand why you are giving up? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 40 |
I don’t know how. She is changing her phone I’ll no longer have access to it. She is moving out this weekend. I’ll no longer have access to her. She will file contested if she has to. All intel I have gathered hasn’t proven anything yet. Been through emails work and personal the var keeps coming up a bust. Nothing substantial on her phone. I feel out of options and I’m out of money.
She doesn’t want me and I’ll have to accept that
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863 |
I don’t know how. She is changing her phone I’ll no longer have access to it. She is moving out this weekend. I’ll no longer have access to her. She will file contested if she has to. All intel I have gathered hasn’t proven anything yet. Been through emails work and personal the var keeps coming up a bust. Nothing substantial on her phone. I feel out of options and I’m out of money.
She doesn’t want me and I’ll have to accept that I know we've been beating the drum that she doesn't want you because she's in an affair. Emotional affairs are as damaging as physical affairs. Your situation still points to that direction. She has a different point of reference than you; we call it the comparison effect. Does she plan on taking your children? I hope you can fight that so they can stay in your town. Anything you can do to make this transition more difficult for her - to let reality intrude more on her actions - will help you cause discomfort to her growing relationship with this other man. I'm so sorry this is devastating. (((Hugs)))
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863 |
How are you doing, Lost? Are there any new developments?
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 344
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 344 |
LostNBroken,
I’m late in the game, but wanted to say:
1. Welcome to MB, you’ve landed in the best saving place!
2.You can do this. Ive been married 25 years and just went through all of this same stuff via MB!
3.My hubs has a Samsung, and I have an iPhone. Webwatchers “ is a child watch app” works awesome, and has great tech support with live chat. Don’t hesitate, get it on there, it’s a download, no shipping time.
Hope you get back on here and let this tribe help you save your marriage.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (TALKINGNONSENSE),
453
guests, and
77
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,618
Posts2,323,473
Members71,916
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
