In 1999 I had an affair. We are high school sweethearts(1976) and married in 1983 so by 1999 our lives had taken on a new dimension with 3 kids and what I considered a workaholic spouse. In Fall of 2000 I declared my infidelity. He is the pilar of doing the right thing and was not only devastated by crushed beyond words and not sure he actually has ever forgiven me. But the Lord has. On bended knee I prayed for Him to help save our marriage and He did. Slowly, we read some of the books together from MarriageBuilders. I don't believe we worked hard enough to care for each other's hearts. Life came at us, kids grew up, went on to college, I went on to get a career after child raising and we retired to a lovely 10 acre location. I found out last night he had an affair and hasn't seen her in over a year but still keeps in text contact. My spouse has been sick almost 2 years and I have gone into retirement starting 2018 caring for him and trying to adjust to our new life as nothing like i thought it would be. The tension rose in our conversations, disrespect crept in, words, cutting him off in conversation, being in a boxing ring, and things coming unglued. A granddaughter was born last year and became the light of my life. So much more to say on the details but suffice to say.... I AM BEYOND BROKEN. I suspected something a few months ago when i glanced at his phone and saw an unfamiliar womans name. Last night, trying to set a nice dinner to help bring us to a peaceful place, I squirreled and left the table.....details not necessary but I checked his phone and found a string of notes indicating his affection. What in the world am I to do now? We stayed up all night. He doesn't seem remorse at all. Last text to her was 11 June. It's raw. He says he's here and loves me but loves her too. But if I don't change and show I want it to work he will leave. Go figure.

You are somewhat familiar with MB, so you have a head start. The top thread on this subforum contains links to topics you should start reading.

How did he meet the OW, where do/did they meet, is she married (and if divorcen, why?), can you track his car, monitor his computer and/or leave a VAR in a place he uses the telephone?

Goal is to get evidence of the affair (you don't know all there is to not yet), expose the affair and build a better relationship than before.
By following surviving an affair, it will minimize your hurt (as it is bad enough already) and maximize your chances of creating an affair proof marriage.

People having an affair are like addicts. Do not see him as a rational sane person as long as he is in contact with the source of his addiction. Reason is absent right now.