Update 1: Too strange for my take.
A few weeks ago my wife called ACS - New York City Administration for Children's Services. They came to my apartment. hey said they did not see anything wrong. They said if they find something wrong on my side they will take the children away from both of us. If they find something wrong on her side they will take the children from both of us. The investigation will go for 2 months. T

Strange is that she called ACS and they can take the kids from us. Why would she call them?
Does she want to lose the kids?
My lawyer said it is her who called and she called because she is losing in court.
My wife told my neighbors(friends) she ended up befriending with that she called them. Remember those neighbors she started making friends with knowing they were my new friends. The neighbor(woman) told me. The neighbor was extremely disappointed and disgusted that she called.

Update 2: This one makes me sick, depressed and not able to sleep. Finding out more on the affair. Any advice on how to deal with finding more secrets.
We subpoenaed the credit care statements she was refusing to give the court for the 3 years. They came a week ago. Shocking is not a word to describe them. They show that she was going to the suburb that OW was living. 2 hours away. She would go there mostly on weekends. They show where she paid bills - restaurants, bars, ferry tickets. Bill amounts show it is definitely for two people. She had always said said she never hangout with him and had never gone to his hood, and in fact she hung out with him the moment she got to Australia. After 6 years, I find all this information.

Update 3: The wait to expose is unbearable and excruciating. Have you heard of anyone who has waited for more than 3 years to expose? It may even tale 4 years. Maybe it will never happen. The benefit is that more info is coming out. I am not sure if it will help in court. She lied to the forensics that she was only in Australia for 2 months when she was there for 7 months.

ACS - New York City Administration for Children's Services called to inform me that there was no evidence found against me and the case has been closed. WW has tried all sorts of ways. I am preparing for the trial. Only 3 weeks left. I have to put everything together to reduce costs - my lawyer's suggestions. He will then review. Meanwhile I will start making a list of points for the trial and documents to be referenced. It has to be the point because the judge does not like over litigation. Please help me as I get this done.

BTW. Ha! WW has told my friends(that neighboring couple she befriended) that I do not care about kids. Little did WW know that my friends knows very well that i care for my children.

BTW. Ha! WW had kids's for sleepover and they watched sexy/porn on smartphones while she was sleeping. Parents are furious. The word got to the school through one child. Principal, teachers, counselors and many parents know. I only got to know this about 2 weeks ago - this mean 8 months after it happened. Lawyer wants me call some of the parents to testify as long as they do not turn on me.

Stay focused. Three weeks to go. Take care of your health. Once you get some relief from all this stress, you could be susceptible to viruses and the like.

Thank you nmwb77. You just put me on the roll and I am focusing more than ever. Thanks for the health warning. It had not even crossed my mind.

Dear All,

Thank you all. You have all been wonderful in keeping me in straight line, giving me advice on my thoughts (wild or unheard of and over thinking) and avoiding blunders(driven by emotions or not) through this journey. Our trial starts on Wednesday. i am nervous because this is my first trial ever, I do not know if she has something she may pull against me, and I do not know what decision the judge will take. The judge said when things go to trial he can decide either way and each of us has to live with it no matter. Scary as hell but I have to be prepared for any outcome and not be affected by it.

We had a court meeting a week ago with judge wanting us not to go trial and settle. WW refused to settle. This means going for sole custody. The lawyer believes this judge maybe leaning for a 50/50 custody. The one thing that maybe a deal breaker according to my lawyer is the time she spent in with OM while I had the kids alone for 7 months.The judge asked her to find lawyer again. He said to her that "mum you are sick".

WW has tried to sought social organizations without the court to build a case against me. Another story based on frivolous things.

OM was subpoenaed for contract work(records) he is working with WW because WW is saying she is not earning any money. WW says she earned only 20K in 2017. I do not know if this has made OM feels some heat or is scared. OM has sent a letter through his lawyer not wanting to release the records. Made stupid excuses that it is cross border yada, yada. Basically trying to avoid the request. I will talk to my lawyer as to what is next. I am wondering if to pursue it further and also if WW should be subpoenaed for that too.

Other companies have been subpoenaed. One has replied showing she earned from them. WW asked one company not to hand over the info. My lawyer said this is very good because it will show the judge that she has been lying about finances and that she is hiding something - the implications are more powerful than the records.

Her brother and his wife have been subpoenaed separately and jointly for the records concerning our funds WW stole and send them. I am hoping this may scare them.

In addition to trying to prove that she is earning I believe the subpoenas are shining the light on her character to her peers. It will also help is she says wants to buy me out on the house and my lawyer will say you said you did not have money.

Your thoughts please or advice?

Update: we had 3 days of trial of which she brought 3 witnesses - nanny, children's therapist and her therapist. It backfired. There were lies and cross examination revealed her cruelty, lies and manipulation. My lawyer said we came out better than her and we did very well.

We will have 6 more days of trial in May/June. The trial should have been over within 3 days but she applying legal abuse for me to be to be poor. She does not have a lawyer.

For those who hav been bankrupted by divorce what strategies and actions did you employ to come out of this financial mess? What careers are high paying that can take me out of this. Sometimes I think of going back to school. At 50 it is scary.

What is happening here is domestic violence according to DV therapist who has been treating me b cause of WW' s many forms if DV on me.

What is hard: being affected by her constant abuse tactics that they get in the way if my life. Any tips to sway these out my life? Even now she a uses through her emails and texts. Sometimes I wish there was no contact.

House: a woman who has gone through divorce has informed me that I should have the court not sell the house and that I should give the house to the kids through a trust. She said that WW would be driven nuts by this. She said that is what her ex did to her though for her she did not care about the money. Do you think this strategy would work? Selling the house does not make financial sense.

Yes, always scary. No need to pay your lawyers until the end and even then they will settle for a smaller number. Don't worry about that, just concentrate on getting yourself and your children sorted out in the best possible way.


Find an intermediary. Ask them only to pass on what you need to know. She does not need to know you have a screener.


If not selling the house is the right thing, don't sell it. But it is illegal to dispose of a marital asset during the divorce proceedings. The court could void the transfer into a trust and you would look bad. Tell the judge that keeping the house is important for the children.

Thank you living_well. Pardon for not posting early enough. I will do so. I will be patient.


Very good point. I will start searching for an intermediary. In NYC it is very tough to find someone because people are always in transit and are too busy. I will also run this through my lawyer to avoid her accusing me in court that I do not want to co-parent.

Yes, I meant to give the kids through court and creating an iron clad trust that WW or I do not have power over it. I really like what you said I should tell the judge. Bravo. What I do not know is whether WW will agree to give to the kids.

No need for this to be someone local. What about a sibling or parent? They will read and filter back. If WW is using text messaging, auto forward them. If WW is phoning you don't pick up her calls. Set up Google Voice as your voice mail and forward the ones from her unopened.

I would not tell the lawyer. He or she will not understand and it will be seamless if you do it right. Nobody needs to know this is happening. Don't tell your children either in case they say something in front of WW.

Thank you. This sounds really good.Let me start the search.

Your thoughts please: She has been losing in court. Now she is caving in. She saw that she is going to lose and she wants 50-50 custody now. I also feel she wants to save face from relatives and friends she had lied to because she is likely to lose custody. My lawyer says she is not likely to get custody. The problem is the legal fees for are too high and I cannot afford anymore. This is the only reason I will not able to pursue for sole custody. It does not feel right not to pursue because of this reason.


The conversation that WW had with my lawyer resulted in the following broad strokes:
Regular Parenting Time: 2-2-5 remains in place
Child Support: Waived by both sides
Spousal Support: Waived by both sides
Custody: Joint Legal with the following spheres of influence: Education goes to father; recreation goes to mother; health and medical is joint with a parent coordinator. Each party is still obligated to inform the other party of all events and issues.
Holidays and vacations: Not discussed, but I think next summer should match this summer and the holidays can be alternated.
House: Sold
Assets, bank accounts, reimbursement of funds, legal fees: Not discussed
Liabilities: Mortgage is the only one and that is paid off
Insurance: Not discussed.

Lawyer said I am not obligated to settle but I should try. He also says he understands that it is impossible to coparent wit her and he knows it too. Issue is legal fees. She does not have a lawyer and she is also racking my bill by talking and emailing to my lawyer, and my lawyer having to educate her.

...in addition my lawyer wrote to me "I understand and do not doubt your concerns. I also understand not settling. I just want you to have the option. One aspect of the settlement does parse out education for you and puts health largely in the hands of a parent coordinator."

Why are you allowing this? She is sucking you dry and your children and you will pay for it by your losing the full custody.

Thank you Sunnytimes for responding.

The judge asked her to get a lawyer but she has not done so. This has been going on for 2 years. What can I do about this? The judge cannot force her to find a lawyer. Should I just settle for her proposal?

Yesterday I told my lawyer to disengage her "racking my bill by talking and emailing to my lawyer, and my lawyer having to educate her." and he said he will disengage. he said if I agree to the proposal he can try what is called bad faith litigation where we will ask her to pay for part of the fees.

Could you explain this part "by your losing full custody?

I was responding to your comments that are bolded, above.

Thank you Sunnytimes.

I have decided to continue with the trial. I have not informed my lawyer yet. My lawyer hinted that I should just finish off with the trail.

Your lawyer should NOT be educating her. He should be telling her that he represents you and, if she doesn't understand something or needs a lawyer to explain anything to her, she needs to hire her own lawyer. If she can't afford one, she can call legal aid, look for pro bono representation through the bar association, or find a legal clinic to represent her.

Please listen to Brits Brat, he is a corporate attorney.

Thank you. My lawyer has disengaged from her. It has been very quiet which is good. My lawyer told me WW has been using a ghost lawyer and the judge is aware of it. He told me that whoever the ghost lawyer is he/she is very bad.

Effort to put our 4 story brownstone house in a trust:
WW also wrote a motion requesting the state to pay for her legal fees to the children's lawyer. The judge rejected it because we have property. The same reason he rejected to give her legal aid.

I proposed to the judge that we should put the house in a trust where she or me do not have any influence. The house would generate $4K per month and in 16 years after the mortgage is paid off it would generate $20K per month. This would be a good amount for children's college loans, our living expenses. The 4K would go to an escrow. WW would get half sent to her account. The other half would be sent to me. After our deaths the children would inherit the house putting them at a really great advantage.

The judge rejected this because of the motion she had written asking for the state to pay her legal fees. In addition my lawyer said the judge does not want any work on the trust. The case is already too long and complicated for the judge and he does not want any more work. He threatened to put the house in sherrif's hands to sell it. Lawyer told me the judge can do that and once done it is worst thing ever because the house price would be nothing. Now my lawyer has said we should not bring up the trust thing to the judge again.

I had proposed to WW to move out out of the house because I cannot trust her. She moved to the unilaterally and has cooked the expenses, never told me of any repairs, never gave me any income from the tenants and many other things. She said she wanted to stay in the house for free till the mortgage is paid off(16 years) in exchanged for maintenance( ha, bad news). if she had moved out the trust would have worked. In NYC people move into different apartments very easily. She was in an apartment before she moved into the house.

Thanks. I will do so.