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Yes, the Play/Movie is titled more after the Def Leopard song, and the story is kind of an expansion/play off of the lyrics for Journey's Don't Stop Believing.


NGB and I are both big music geeks.

We watched the movie this weekend, and we are both pretty sure that watching it performed live with a big Vegas audience is going to be a blast.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Bleh. What a weekend. Started with one person on comfort measures, then added a decline of one already on comfort measures, and request to begin comfort measures for a third.

Involved a lot of family notifications.

Trying to open up a bit, so when NGB came to work I talked about it a little.

Usually, work comes and goes with the time clock. I leave it on the floor and it stays there until my feet hit the floor again.

I've become adept at it over the past few years doing elder care. "Tough" only exists in those moments dealing with worried and grieving family members.


Dunno. Long. Weekend.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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HHH, I've always admired you for the work you do. It takes a special person to commit themselves to elderly folks. I couldn't do it. I am too...type-A and results-oriented. Not a good fit for a job like yours.

Bless you for being one of those people who help the elderly as they complete their journey! I'm sorry you're having a bad day. frown

Last edited by maritalbliss; 05/19/13 08:14 PM.

D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I'm so sorry that you've had a tough day HHH. My parents had me late in life and I'm beginning to have to deal with my dad's failing health. It's tough as a family member to deal with. Kudos for the support and help you provide.


Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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MB - you'd fit right in with therapy!

V - It's the family members my heart goes out to. By this time, these folks are quiet and restful (or we work our tails off to make sure that they are). They have thier destination, we aim to make the journey quiet and comfortable. It's the bereaved my heart goes to.

Though, one of my folks is supported by a professional fellow - another nurse from a local hospice.

I'm reminded, though, of another coleague's words at a time like this; this is my (family member), I am not objective.


I often work with unpleasantness and heartbreak, which is why I don't often share it with my wife; she is an emotional person.

She's fine from 4-6 emotionally, above and below? In tears. I tend to only share funny or hopeful work stories. smile


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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HHH, I promise you: I would be running from the building my first day. I would not be up to the task. It would be beyond my abilities.

Bless you for what you do for our prized older folks. hug


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Running late - but, this is for those of you that are newer, or a year in... or two.

It is over 3 years... 3 years 1 month since I started posting. You can read back if you wish... I do not.

Because I make the choice to actively avoid mulling over those memories over the past 3 years, I noticed today (thus the update) that many things have become fuzzy and or absent.

This is not without some changes;

NGB no longer works in the same store. I no longer work in the same place (though I can see my old work from my current). I drive a route to work most of the time that does not take me past triggering landmarks. We moved to a different house last month.


Right now, however, there is some catch-up to be done. I worked waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much last month. I worked 100 hours in one 8 day stretch, and I didn't like my wife very much.

Newbs; this wasn't on her. If YOU DO NOT GET YOUR UA TIME, YOU WILL NOT LIKE YOUR SPOUSE.


Other than that, things are manageable. Workable. You have to know that folks. You have the responsibility to do maintenance and improvements. That's what being a buyer means.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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As always HHH, thanks for your update.

UA,UA time is VIP..

Thanks for pointing out the obvious.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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All I can say, is Wellbutrin is ah-may-zing.

Brain no longer looks for things to hook into.

Depression wasn't a "problem" when my ruminations had nothing to key in on. But, had to give up on the hope that I could continue to survive on coping skills alone. Just not hitting that depressive state is fantastic!


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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5 years.

19 together.

16 married.

She puts up with me, so I serenade her in full karaoke bars...

Last edited by HoldHerHand; 07/01/15 03:14 AM.

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Great update.

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You guys are awesome!!!

Thanks for sticking around. Your posts are very motivating. You've shown a very good example of strength and emotional intelligence, coupled with the humility to learn and follow the marriage builders concepts. Not every couple can do the plan on their own. Good job, Mr. And Mrs. HHH.

Congratulations!
loveheart

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dance2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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*like*

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10/05/10 - date of first post.

It has been nearly 9 years.


Think I may need to reexplore Welbutrin, but - in the interim - TRT therapy has done some wonders. W stated during an accidental gap "Oh, no - you gotta get your refill. You're human with it."

Depression sucks, man.

Unfortunately, I have gifted it to all 3 DD's. But, I try to pass onto them what to expect to deal with, and how to approach it with mindset and behavior.

The downside is, coupled with my sharp memory, it makes things that should be dust not be dust.

Oldest DD is now 21, works full time and is finishing up her nursing school prereqs by next spring. Kid is paying her own way with zero student loans thus far.

DD19 graduated and worked a local burger joint for a bit, but quit due to the rough work environment (ie, jerk shift manager). She'll be back from Canada w/ her Grandma tomorrow.

DD12... is 12.

I've had a couple job changes here and there. One thing I have held on to is training staff in a local mental health facility in use of restraint. The material is from Texas - the Mandt System. The primary focus is on treating people with dignity and respect, and looking for - get this - win-win solutions. When going over that, I always drop a plug for He Wins, She Wins.

In October, W and I will fly to Galveston, TX to head out on a 7 night Caribbean cruise for our 20th wedding anniversary. Labor Day, W, myself, and the DDs will be in Vegas to see Papa Roach, which is one of W's favorite bands.

Newbies; life moves on and it gets better. As the AA folks say each time; it works if you work it. Even battling depression, things get better.

Gentlemen; if you are dealing with those symptoms; depression, brain fog, sleep disturbances, low libido/ED; go get them T levels checked. I honestly went after it because it's relation to type 2 diabetes, but the improvements in sleep and mood were worth it. And... no complaints from improvements where none were needed.

Flipped back through these pages a bit, and hope other folks are doing as well or better.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Hi HHH! Thanks so much for the update. Glad to hear you are getting on top of your depression, it runs in my family too. It is great to hear from you! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Hey HHH!!! So nice to hear from you with the great update. It's nice to see you back. Come back more often smile


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Running late - but, this is for those of you that are newer, or a year in... or two.



This is not without some changes;


Newbs; this wasn't on her. If YOU DO NOT GET YOUR UA TIME, YOU WILL NOT LIKE YOUR SPOUSE.


Other than that, things are manageable. Workable. You have to know that folks. You have the responsibility to do maintenance and improvements. That's what being a buyer means.


Thank You for Newb advice! This was great timing to read your last few posts. At what point, did you take triggers and decide to tuck them away? Is it too early at 6 months, was it like holding in toxins? Or did the Wellbutrin help remove the hooks enough for you to hold it all in? UA time reminder/ advice on liking your spouse.... thanks for that too.
It’s like being at the top of a slippery ledge, and one wrong foot & we BOTH need to want to climb back up.
Also how to keep spouse engaged in program, did you carry that load the whole time?
Thank thank thanks!

GiGiette #3009001 07/29/19 04:49 AM
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I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to you, Gigi.

I don't get the time I used to to jump on here and into the fray. And, sometimes that's better because I have a bad habit of extending my compassion so far to people that I'll tear open my old wounds to help them.

It's also better because that time is spent w/ my wife.

To answer your questions;

Triggers; I work near what used to be a major trigger. The funny thing is, because everything else is good, my brain has deleted it from my awareness. I just never think about it. Though, this has just been in the last year or two. For a long time I took different routes through the area, and specifically avoided working at the place I do now. 6 months in is an eternity while you are standing in it; it will be a blip when it's years behind you.

Welbutrin was my AD of choice because SSRI's can have horrible side effects - and most problematic, sexual side effects. A crashed libido in a recovering marriage is just not worth the risk when there are different treatment options. Though, for men, I would especially recommend they get testosterone levels checked if they have depression and fatigue. Anyway - It isn't that it removed hooks, it was more like it installed a "glass floor" in mood levels, if that makes sense.

What you might see here from time-to-time is phrases like "fake it til you make it," or even better "feelings follow actions." There might be a bit of a push-pull at times, where one of you lags, and the other picks up the slack. But, the most single important thing you can do is to make sure to get that mutually enjoyable UA time in. Thankfully, if/when we fall short on those goals, I never resent my wife for it. I resent life. I resent intrusive friends, family, jobs, etc. This is largely a me thing though - I have learned that the program works, and cognitively KNOW that work will restore the FEELINGS. You learn to go kind of the opposite and pull CLOSE, rather than pull AWAY.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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HHH, I just wanted to tell you that it really helped me to read through your story and your progression over the years.

Being 5 weeks out from D-day of my husband's second affair (first physical one, since his previous one was an EA) just plain sucks, so it helps to read other people's stories and see where they started and where they are now.

Depression and anxiety are the pits. Someone else recommended Welbutrin, but I've been reluctant to take anything. I don't like medications in general so I've just been trying to muscle through it and do my best. In your early posts, I could really relate to that feeling you described as a "low hum of sickness in my heart ... like having a ringing in your ear." That was so spot on and so much better than I've been able to describe it. I keep wondering if that will ever go away, even though I know it in all likelihood will.

Thank you for posting to my husband. He really took your words to heart. You made him cry (in a good way, I think). I haven't read his thread, but he told me that what you wrote to him really had an impact. I just wanted you to know that. I appreciate all of the people on this site who take the time and make the effort to help others who are struggling.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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