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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 18
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Is there any books other self help articles that I can read to get me thru the whole divorce process. Not help with the divorce process itself, but the time from being married to the divorce being final. I my state it takes 6 months to get thru and that is a long time. I have questions like how to get over my marriage, when to start dating again, how to get thru loneliness.

Joined: Nov 2010
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I highly recommend the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. Read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders until you can get the book.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Oct 2010
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I linked an old thread in your other thread, SD.

Also;

Focus on self care. Get a new haircut, grow a beard, shave your beard. Get active. Hit the gym (I would recommend following Stronglifts 5 x 5, 5/3/1, or Leangains for simplicity and time saving) the endorphins released by exercise will help elevate your mood and sense of well being. Go see your doctor, get a blood workup, request a hormone panel including Total Testosterone and Free Testosterone. If it's low, ask for it to be addressed (this will improve sleep, mood, and energy levels).

Remember this; you can THRIVE after divorce.

Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders is great. Go ahead and get He Wins, She Wins as well. When it's time to move on, this will be your guidepost for approaching a new relationship, and for forging a new marriage one day.

Other reading; Un@#$ Yourself, (*&(* Feelings, and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a (*&*(.

Own the Day, Own Your Life by Aubrey Marcus.

Mind you, most self-help and motivational books are steaming piles of half-recycled refuse - but they can be helpful in helping you re-frame your thinking.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
Joined: Sep 2014
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Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders will help you understand how to date again when you're ready. His Needs, Her Needs will help you understand what an ideal marriage looks like. Surviving an Affair will help you understand how the affair happened.

HHH is right on about fitness. Get a gym membership, draw up a schedule and start slamming it. Get stronger, get leaner, etc. You'll enjoy the way you look, the endorphins are no joke, and the structure in the midst of your chaos will give you confidence. There's never been a better time to try a little body building, there's so much information online for it now. Discipline = freedom and you will feel more capable by being in better control of yourself.

Get some fellas to run with, old friends or new friends. I enjoyed getting back into playing sports with friends, but you may be into gaming, cars, hunting, etc. Even better if you can find a group you can help lead. Youth sports, church, Boy Scouts, something like that. The responsibility will help you find purpose during a season where that's tougher to find. I've been there and this process really sucks, but you have to learn some things from it or it's a lot of suffering for nothing. The books and the forum here will help you with the relationship/marriage stuff, how to do that better next time. I'd add to that personal goals that you can reach. Be moving towards them and don't look back.

If you feel "stuck", I promise you that you will be miserable. I've known some guys like that. Put all of what you're feeling into making positive changes and you won't feel stuck at all. Weight lifting and competitive sports is really cathartic if you've got anger you're dealing with.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story

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