Try not to engage in a discussion. Someone who is in an active affair is like an alien. She looks like your wife, but there's someone else inside, invasion of the bodysnatchers. No relationship talk, just pleasant conversation. You cannot convince her with words.

Act as the best version of you. If she mentions something related to the affair, counter that affairs are destructive and you'd rather do *insert activity she likes* and change the subject. Talk about pleasant things.

Here is what I see:
Gname have you read all my posts? Could you reply to all of them and the questions? Your answers will help the veterans give you advice. From your posts, not answering my posts, WW saying all she is saying, and all the content in her texts I get the sense that your exposure was partial and needs to be more effective. A full and wide exposure will help kill the affair. Every exposure you sent will add a percentage to killing the affair.
Maybe you can put it this way.
% Have you done work exposure? That is where the affair started anyways.
% Did you make it possible for OM's mother to call her again. WW will feel it if her "future mother in law" says "I do not accept this"
% Have you exposed to Indian(in India) side of WW?
% Have you exposed to the Indian(in India) side of OM?
% Have you exposed to other relatives of OM other than brother/sister in laws you mentioned
% There are others I have mentioned in my posts

If you do the right thing in exposure then you cannot be the one to blame for the continuity of her contact with OM, moving in with him, etc.

Can you summarize who you have exposed to and how many on WW and OM?

Don't lecture and don't threaten.
The goal is to 'seduce' her to stay in the marriage, not to threaten. If this affair is over, you want her to stay with you because she wants, not because you will make her life miserable if she leaves.

Don't threaten with your lawyer. If she files, let your lawyer handle it (let him be the bad guy) so that you can be nice. If she wants to talk about divorce stuff, tell her you'd rather talk about *insert nice activities with kids* and let the lawyers sort it out.

Be strategic. Be the kind, attractive alternative if the affair with OM crumbles. Stop discussing exposure. Be a broken record on your position. Affairs are bad, change the subject.

Read other threads on this forum and learn how to plan A correctly. Stop educating her, that is like educating a drunk that alcohol is bad. You cannot convince because she is not sober.

You could say this in person.

Keep in mind that all you write to her can be used against you in court. It will be difficult for you and lawyer to say she was not a great mother and wife. She was involved in adultery. How does that make her a great mother and wife? The good thing with the texts is that she admitting to the affair.

As good2shoes says be strategic. The emotions are getting the better of you here. I know it is one of the hardest things to do. Instead of doing things(texts/replies, etc) on your own run them by the veterans by posting them here first to get advice and then act on the advice. You are making some mistakes that can be avoided easily. I did the same too.

Gname, it looks like your real name is in your post. You might want to edit. If you cannot edit anymore, click notify so the mods can edit.

Gname, please STOP doing this!! Stop arguing with her. You are giving her ammunition to use against you. It is imperative that you control your anger and focus on attracting her back. Trying to reason with someone in an affair is like trying to reason with a falling down drunk. Stop doing that! You need to treat her just like a falling down drunk who uses no reason.

Many of the things you have said to her are things you read here but those things need to be cleverly slipped into pleasant conversations. For example, what I told you about filing for divorce on grounds of adultery should have been cleverly slipped into a conversation. The same with the statistics about adulterous married men.

Please calm down and be very careful about your communications with her. They should all be very pleasant!

WOrkplace not yet. My lawyer advised to hold it for some time.


Yes, my wife did not pick the phone


Yes, they want to play as if they don't know. If this works out they will not talk about it.

Yes, he has none left. One neighbor uncle, I have told him.

Ohhh - how do I contact the moderator? Thank you

Thank you - I will be careful and follow the advice here.

Gname, your job is to sell her on the prospect of a happy, romantic marriage. You need to tell her you don't want the old marriage. You want to have a happy, passionate, romantic marriage with her. You CAN recover this marriage and make it a great marriage. But she can't envision that. The objective of this program is to affair proof your marriage and create a romantic marriage. So when she brings up her unhappiness, you need to tell her this. She is not going to stay if she just sees unhappiness on the horizon. She needs to see misery and unhappiness if she pursues divorce.

Did you see this post?


I also meant reading again and responding to the posts and questions in them. Thanks for answering some of the questions in my latest post. It looks like your exposure is nearing completeness. I think there are still things not addressed.

Hey Weird, he needs to stay focused on current events and changing current behavior. I appreciate that you are trying to help but he needs to move forward. As far as I am concerned he has a done a good job of exposure and needs to work on his Plan A.

Thanks Melodylane. Got it.

Good Morning - I am in west coast on a business trip. I am using Life360 gps tracker for the entire family after the exposure.

Y’day, while on way to her office in the morning , I noticed that my wife stopped for a min at a parking lot of CVS very close to OMs home . We live a few miles apart. I called her immediately and she said, I have some work in CVS. I asked that was quick as did not see her walk movement out of the car. She said she is done with what she had to do there. I did ask any further.

I suspect, she may have either picked the OM or taken some other phone from him. Pure suspicion.

I also noticed that she had lots of walk movement outside her office y’day.

I have again strong suspicion that she was meeting him during the day and went for shopping, etc

A similar movement pattern was observed when I was on business trip 4 weeks ago. I god told this to close friend of ours. She asked and my wife admitted that yes she met that OM during that week of my travel. How/what do I communicate to make her stop these things.

When I say she need to stop these meeting as these hurt, her response is I can’t tell her what to do. It projects me as weak and helpless. Later she openly says that she is not going to lie anymore and will continue to meet and talk. What choices do I have if she has become so brazen?

You only can control your own behaviour. What you can do is persuade her, seduce her that you want to have a romantic marriage with her.

Lay out the future you want with her, invite her to join you in a happy marriage. Don't tel her what to do, persuade her. Be strategic. Don't react to every move she makes. Don't win every fight, win the war. It is a marathon, not a sprint.

Everytime you see she is in touch with the OM, I would address her and try to do it in front of your in-laws and your daughters. Let her explain her brazen adultery in front of them.

It's not helpful AT ALL that you are out of town. When will you be back? Can you get out of these trips going forward?

For the past 3 years, I was working from home 90% time. My such travel is only once in a 4/5 weeks. I will further try to cut it down. But risk losing job.

Yikes, this is a really bad time to travel. Would it help if you spoke to your boss and explained the situation to him?

I told my manager yesterday that I may go through a divorce. I have been flexibility to take break but I feel that without work I may go mad. I have very limited travel which I do to balance home and work. I will try to cut down further.