I am about to send her a very business-like email. I'm trying to walk a fine line of being generous (without being too generous) and protecting myself. I do not want to enable her, but I do not want to give her ammunition to resent me more than she already does. She does not have nearly enough financial means to support herself long-term, especially in our zip code. I have always been the "provider". It is in my nature.

"Hey, I'm sure you'll be getting some email notifications so just for your information:
[1.] I paid the 2019 personal property tax for your car.
[2.] A mail-piece arrived at the house addressed to you from Bank of America. It is on the front table.
[3.] I removed myself as an authorized user of 2 of the 3 credit cards (American Express and Platinum Visa). The only outstanding balance is a pending yoga membership (see #4).
[4.] Your monthly yoga membership renewed on the 6th and is currently pending on one the cards that I removed myself from (Platinum Visa). I will pay it off through your account like I have done in the past once it clears.
[5.] I will pay off the remaining flight reservation balance of the 3rd credit card (Rate Advantage Platinum Visa) once the Airbnb refund comes through (assuming it was issued) so you aren't crippled with growing interest.
[6.] Once #4 and #5 are complete, I will remove myself from the 3rd credit card once payment has processed. Future charges to the credit cards will not be from my activities.

I am not doing any of this because I want to, but life isn't stopping and I am doing my best to do this with gentleness and respect for you. I love and care for you deeply, [WW], and I will never lose the hope I have. I am continually praying protection over you."

Am I being a doormat? Am I giving her too much information? She hasn't gone "rogue", at least not yet. In fact, she hasn't used our joint bank accounts or credit cards for anything since D-Day.

This pains me because she is not in the house. She must have money that she has stored away (for now).

That sounds reasonable but are you in any way legally liable for those credit cards? If you remove your name, will she be 100% responsible for the debts? What about any other debts she incurs? Did you speak to an attorney?

No, I am not legally responsible as she is the account owner. I spoke with an attorney today and he helped guide me. I believe I am financially "buttoned up" at this point in time. Now that I am financially protected (to the best of my ability without provoking her), he advised that I re-evaluate the situation in approximately 3 months before taking any further action. I obviously did not tell her that I spoke with an attorney.

I finally sent her a revised version of the previous email message today providing her an update.

"Hey, I'm sure you’ve received some email notifications and just for your information:
[1.] I paid the 2019 personal property tax for your car.
[2.] A mail-piece arrived at the house addressed to you from Bank of America.
[3.] A package arrived addressed to you with an external USB battery pack.
[4.] I paid off the remaining flight reservation balance so that interest would not start compounding. There is no outstanding credit card debt.
[5.] I removed myself as an authorized user of all 3 USAA credit cards.

I am not doing any of this because I want to, but life isn't stopping and I am doing my best to do this with gentleness and respect for you. I choose forgiveness every day. I love and care for you deeply, [WW], and I will never lose the hope I have for restoration. I am continually praying protection over you. I would like to talk sometime, if you're willing. And even if not, I still love you.

Your husband,
[AMC]"

I'm trying to stick to Plan A as best as I can despite the pain I feel right now.

One of her students told me that today was her last day of the semester (her school is year-round), and that she was going on a "vacation"--a week earlier than originally planned. She has not communicated any of her plans to any of her closest friends or family--all the more reason for me to be financially protected that this point in time.

Should I do anything in particular if she shows up at the house to pick up the mail/package? I anticipate she will request that I leave the items on the front porch or somewhere she doesn't have to face me to get what she needs.

She never showed up at the house, but she did reply to my email. I am kind of in awe of her tone.

"Thanks for handling. I was going to ask about some of these things. I canceled my yoga membership on the credit card and I think that's all I have being charged there. I can get in there and try to figure it out. If there are any fees or expenses that are unnecessary let me know and I'll cancel.

So you're saying that you're not using those credit cards anymore? I don't know what the login is for the USAA account. Are you still using insurance from there? You're expecting me to pay for home and auto?

I think I have some laundry still at the house and a few other things but it's not important now, I can get another time. I don't know how to go about the logistics of things like mail, car insurance, etc.

I'll also get a new number and phone plan by the end of the month... So if your parents can hold on that for a few more weeks, I'll get off by the September bill. I'll try to handle tomorrow. I'll of course share my contact with you once I have it. I'm not trying to hide.

I don't know if you need anything from me, if you need me to contribute to anything for payment, or if your parents are helping you. I guess just let me know if you need anything and we can discuss a plan, as we did last year. I don't intend to leave you with that burden.

Believe it or not, it was never my intention to hurt you. This is, however, what I believe is best. For both of us. And I know you don't feel the same way, but maybe someday you will understand. I don't have any hatred or anger, if you do that's understandable. But I don't plan to make this more painful, dramatic, or difficult than it needs to be. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry it is happening like this. I don't know what's left to say. I hope it gets easier. Love [dog] extra for me."

It's almost like this is a high school breakup, and not a serious matter to her whatsoever... I am trying to process this but having a hard time comprehending all of this. To me, this is a complete misunderstanding of marriage and the meaning of commitment.

AMC, good for you for reaching out to a lawyer and getting good legal advice to get yourself financially protected. As far as her letter, she sounds like a very typical fogged out wayward. I hope that she wakes up from her little fantasy before it is too late.