Well, one of my H's workers came by office to tell me that I was too pretty and too sweet to be dealing with this and that he felt he should tell me. My H is still carrying on with OW - going to lunch with her - her coming to his job site and her picking him up and leaving for a couple of hours, etc. I confronted him - he denied it - but then did admit that they had lunch and she had come to his job site. How can someone constantly live a double life. I told him to leave - I can't do it anymore - I don't know if there is any sexual relations or not - I don't even care. Look what he's doing to us and to our child! I also called OW and asked her what the nature of her relationship with my H was and she said "I don't know" regardless she is trying to protect him. I asked her what did he have "over her head" and she said, "If I was lying it wouldn't be to protect him." So obviously she is lying to protect herself - because if her parents (she's only 21 and lives at home) knew that she was still involved in anyway with my H she would probably be kicked out. So one of the big questions is "should I call her mom and let her in on the scoop - and bust her bubble for a change?" I'm so tired of being the only one that gets the licks time after time. My husband has expressed no remorse - just like - "oh well". I hate him so much that he can think so little of me and our marriage - and especially our daughter - God what will it do to her - she adores her father! I am so numb - I literally can't even feel anything. I need some advice FAST about calling her mom. Thanks a bunch, guys.<P>------------------<BR>

DD:<P>Can't tell you what to do, but I know in MY case, I would have done WHATEVER it took to get the OM out of my W's life. I know that's a reckless approach. On one hand, you want her gone so that H won't be with her anymore. But, on the other hand, if you act rashly, you might drive him further away from you and your daughter.<P>So, are you damned if you do and damned if you don't? Maybe. I guess you need to look at what you WANT out of the situation now and how it's likely to play out. You can't know for SURE what's going to happen, but you can make an educated guess.<P>If you think telling her mom is the only way to end it (and you're sure it won't drive H away), then do it. If, however, you want to keep your H around and you think telling OW's mom would drive him away, then don't do it.<P>Not very helpful, I know, but I sense that you're at (or very close to) the end of your rope. Just don't make the decision without FULLY considering the ramifications of telling and of keeping silent.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

Daycare Disaster,<BR>In my opinion (And I'm not so sure I'm giving wise advise), but I WOULD DEFINITELY call her mother and tattle.... Because both your husband and the little girl are little liars, proven. So, a little truth can't do any damage, in my opinion.<P>The other thing I would do BEFORE I call the mother, is get yourself set up to protect yourself and go to a full fledged, non-waffling Plan B with whatever it took to control yourself from having whatsoever ANY contact with H. And, if I were you I would have no contact until I had sufficient counseling and experience in Boundaries.<P>When he comes whining home, don't talk and don't listen, until you have the boundary issue completely down pat.<P>Gosh, this is the worst news ever. <P>2 x 4 therapy seems too mild with this case. <P>UGGHHH<BR>Yuck Twice

I truly don't know how you still have your sanity!! HORRIBLE situation.<P>Take a stand. Tell her you DO have problems with her working at your daughter's daycare and you want her to quit--NOW. Heck, tell the daycare manager it's highly inappropriate for one of their employees to be carrying on with the father of a child in their care. So what if he's also the father of hers (if that comes up), he's YOUR husband and the whole scenario has become too tawdry for words. Tell them you want to keep your daughter there, your daughter was registered before OW started working there, and nanny-nanny-boo-boo, YOU WANT JUSTICE. If they don't hear you, tell them you will file a grievance with the local child services office.<P>Or....find another daycare for your daughter!!<P>As for telling OW's mother...I vote yes. Fight for your man!!!!<P>If you do any of these things, be prepared to be the most loving, adorable, giving creature your H's ever imagined.<P>What do you think?

I think I am going to call her mother. Perhaps not today, maybe wait until I'm a little calmer - like tomorrow. I definately will do something about the daycare situation. Apparently her working is not interferring with her seeing my Husband- so let her be without a job! I don't know at this point I even want my Husband - I definately definately love him - but he is killing any respect I have for him by this constant game playing. If I win him what do I get - someone that lies, cheats and uses me for his own gain - and who cares about my feelings? I hate it the very very most for my daughter. She is going to be devestated. She loves her father so much. That is the only thing that has me waffling. Regardless - I'm feeling like a doormat. Do I keep him just so she won't have him "full time" or do I continue to let him have his cake and eat it too - or do I at least let him know he can't have me - that I'm not nearly as stupid as she is?<P>------------------<BR>

Daycare: This is not good. At this point I would hate to say I told you so. I agree with TNT, prepare for Plan B. I told my W's parents and friends when it first started, they were angry at her and let her have it. When she returned to me today do you know what one of her reasons were, she missed her family, all her family. I believe this little chicky's parents may help your cause.<P>Again, setup for Plan B<P>We'll help and pray.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

hi dcd, I have to agree with all the above. Call mommy, tell her employer, and be ready to go to plan b. <BR>I know this may not be the mb way....but stopping this mess instead of letting it run the course may be your best bet here. You tried to play by the other rules, and he would not. So ??? Your choices to get this affair to end are becoming fewer and fewer. Would not let her have anything to do with the kids. If you need to change daycares-do it. <BR>Ugh, I feel very bad that you are going thru this. (((hugs)))

Daycare: This is not good. At this point I would hate to say I told you so. I agree with TNT, prepare for Plan B. I told my W's parents and friends when it first started, they were angry at her and let her have it. When she returned to me today do you know what one of her reasons were, she missed her family, all her family. I believe this little chicky's parents may help your cause.<P>Again, setup for Plan B<P>We'll help and pray.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Nobody likes a tattle-tale. Besides, I don't know if this girl's parents had anything to do with this whole affair. Why drag them in? I'm sure they don't want to be involved.<P>Further, they are not likely to see it the same as you. They could possibly conclude their "poor innocent daughter" was "ravaged" by your husband. I mean, I think most people would conclude he was the more mature, and therefore should have been in control of the situation.<P>I think your issues are with your husband and the focus should remain there. There will always be another little bimbo to tempt him, even if you can get this girl's parents to ground her for life.<BR>

DD,<BR>HUUUUUUGG...<BR>I'm so sorry. I have no answers for you, just sympathy for your pain. I know you are hurting so badly now. I think it's worse than the first finding out, being betrayed AGAIN. I know the love you have for your daughter and her feelings is the kicker, too. I hope you feel yourself uplifted by others who care about you today... May angels surround you and your daughter with a loving white Light.

Thanks guys for all your kind words. I feel so numb - I don't know someone is suppossed to survive this betrayal over and over - - - - Nonplussed: I totally understand what you're saying - and I don't think her parent's can necessarily control anything - but when she is painting a totally different picture for them and they are forking out the dough and supporting her and this child while she is out doing the one thing they have forbidden her to do - I think they are being used and mistreated - just like me. I realize my issues are with my H, but why should she get off scott free and not have to face the music?<P>------------------<BR>

Wow... God Bless you. I feel sick to my stomach reading this post. This is not fair for you, of course it never was. Your H definitly has some real issues. I don't have any answers for you either.... speechless. I know you must be so worn out from this whole thing. Regardless if he is having sex with her or not he is still having an affair (since this is who he had an affair with before) I cannot believe any one human is this cold... to continue to hurt you and manipulate you marriage in this way. I really think that your H needs a good slap. (maybe knocked out!) Regardless of how angry we are at these OW, we have to remember that it was the OW, or OW that hurt us. IT was our Spouses. REVENGE is sweet, but it always finds its way back to sting you. So please think things through before doing anything too drastic. (not that the OW doesn't deserve it)

Daycare, I feel for you for sure. I know the emotions must be running high.<P>I believe two things. First, she won't get of "Scott-free" forever. "Liars only reign a year". Sooner or later things always catch up. Second, I think at the end of it all, you will feel much better if you can hold to your own principles of moral conduct and human behavior. Hard as that is at times.<BR>

DD:<P>I think you should immediately institute a Plan B separation, but I would not bother having a hand in the affair. I will bet you that this will end soon enough after your husband is kicked out of the house. It's a horrible shame to have to go through that (and to put your daugher through it as well), but it's something you need to do to insulate yourself from his behavior.<P>On the other hand, anything you do to "hurt" the OW will just make your husband want to protect her longer. Your husband obviously has strong feelings for her---you want those feelings to go to hell on their own accord---not by your actions.

hi dcd, K is absolutely correct and that is the MB way. To let the affair die out on it's own and not be the one held responsible for the end of the affair.<BR>He is right, but I am not sure I could handle it that way. K, what about anonymous tips to the parents or employer? MB principles on that? <BR>NP, I will admit that while some say that letting it go, being a better person, more moral or ethical, is the 'right' thing to do, it sure did not feel right! For me it was not the right approach-there was no closure until I personally slammed the gate. (not literally, just figuratively) Some are able to let things go, but there was no forgiveness in my heart until I personally told some of the ow's that they are accountable for 100% of what they chose to do. If they make the choice to have sex with a married man, they are responsible for that action. As the man is. <BR>(((dcd)))