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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 3
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hello all,
i was told by my therapist to come to this site to meet and talk to people. Its all very over whelming and a lot to take in. To start my story my issues started a year ago when my husband was arrested for online solicitation of a minor. I thought our marriage was doing well despite lack of intimacy it dropped once i found out i was pregnant. I thought i was ok and i was dealing with everything but seems I just been burring my feeling. I thought i forgave him but i will burst out in anger at times so I'm going to therapy to deal with my feelings, My husband lost a great job and now doing labor work for drilling company. this is a major drop for us and we are struggling financially. i work part time and take care of our son. My husband will probably go away for year and that will put a even bigger strain on us and we depend on his income. lucky i have family help me. i know deep down my husband is a good man hes a great father and provider. he has problems which he is seeking treatment for and getting help. his decision will carry with him rest of his life. I'm hoping the therapy will help me work threw all my jumbling feeling and trust him once more and his therapy his with his problems.
thanks for listening
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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husband was arrested for online solicitation of a minor. GG, I am so sorry for your dilemma. I am glad you came here. The first question is: has his ability to solicit anyone been removed? Does he still have access to the internet? Removing his ability to do it again is the crucial first step. Your marriage can recover, but not unless the environment that made it possible for him to solicit sex online is removed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I thought i forgave him but i will burst out in anger at times so I'm going to therapy to deal with my feelings, Hopefully you won't forgive him. The solution is for him to give you just compensation. Please read this article by Dr Harley: "I approach the subject of forgiveness from the perspective of someone (me) who believes in forgiveness, but also believes that marriage should be fair. Since, in many cases, forgiveness is unfair, what should be done? As you will see in my responses to the three letters I've chosen, I support just compensation for some marital offenses, so I don't always recommend forgiveness. It should be an encouragement to those of you who have been feeling guilty about being unable to forgive and forget. But, at the same time, it should also encourage offenders, because the compensation I propose will earn you a terrific marriage, and it won't hurt at all." continued here: CAN'T WE JUST FORGIVE AND FORGET?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 3
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he is in sex addiction rehab and sees a sex counselor. he is getting he help he needs. and yes he was banned from using the internet as rules to his probation. he following all the rules. and he has no access to internet at home and has a old flip style phone with no internet.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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he is in sex addiction rehab and sees a sex counselor. he is getting he help he needs. and yes he was banned from using the internet as rules to his probation. he following all the rules. and he has no access to internet at home and has a old flip style phone with no internet. So sorry for what has brought you here. How old are the both of you? How long have you been married? Is this the 1st marriage for the both of you? How did you meet? Was this the 1st time that you found out about what he was doing? And you said there was lack of intimacy and it decreased when you found out you were pregnant. Was this always an issue in your relationship? How long did you know him and date before you got married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
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To start my story my issues started a year ago when my husband was arrested for online solicitation of a minor. My husband will probably go away for year and that will put a even bigger strain on us Hi Golden Girl, So sorry for what you are going through. His going away for a year is not compatible with saving your marriage. If he is soliciting minors (or anyone) online then giving him that much space will just allow him to continue soliciting for sex online without having to worry about you catching him. Did the loss of income have anything to do with his arrest?
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 08/25/19 08:53 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Sunnytimes, I assumed he was "going away" to jail for a year.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Ah, ok. I read it as having something to do with his drilling job, like at a remote site.
A man in my church went to jail for more than just soliciting a minor and his sentence allowed a work release during the day so he could continue supporting his family.
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Joined: Aug 2019
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Hi I'm 29 hes 28. We been together for 10 years and married 4 years yes 1st marriage for us both and hes always been a social and iv caught him sexting other girls before. And no before I was pregnant we had a good sex life. But looking back from what I know now I see that he did pursue sex more than most people. Sometimes it was 3 to 4 times a week. And After a gave birth my hormones are out of whack and I just lost my sex drive.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
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Hi I'm 29 hes 28. We been together for 10 years and married 4 years yes 1st marriage for us both and hes always been a social and iv caught him sexting other girls before. And no before I was pregnant we had a good sex life. But looking back from what I know now I see that he did pursue sex more than most people. Sometimes it was 3 to 4 times a week. And After a gave birth my hormones are out of whack and I just lost my sex drive. Where have you been since August?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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