We have been divorced for 8 years. My ex and his SO that he had a affair with started having issues within a year. They were living together after 2 months. After 4 years he moved out of her place. I never wanted the divorce but wasn't willing to be the only one fighting to keep it together. Last year he started texting me and calling me. He began it by telling me his uncle was very ill and he knew how much I adored him and wanted me to know. He interjected sublime messages that I just kept shrugging off by saying "and hows the girlfriend"... He said they were no longer together. The holidays were approaching and I thought that maybe I could be the adult and reach out to him to see if he wanted to go to our cabin where we were going on vacation so he could spend some time with his daughter and grandson. He came along and was the perfect guest. After getting back in town he stopped by often to see his grandson and me and his daughter. All was well. The days later they were back together. He came by my home and tried to start a conversation about us. I told him to go home to his girlfriend. We have had no contact and he has only seen or talked to his daughter and grandson 5 times in a year.

Fast forward thru alot.

I ran into a former friend of ours who still sees him often, He mentioned him and I said I really didnt care to what he had to say. He said OK...just give me 5. So I did. Seems as if he talks all the time to this person about me. Tells him hes really not happy with the other and stays with her so hes not alone, misses his family blah blah blah... anyway..


Why would he always talk about me/us/"his family" when hes with someone else? This has stirred up thoughts and feelings I thought were long gone.




I

He wants to keep someone on the sidelines just in case. You are his back up plan. If your XH was serious, he would be.......SERIOUS. You can see he is not serious. You could be using this time to find someone who is a better candidate, who is serious. This guy is NOT. If he were serious, he would move heaven and earth to get you back.

I agree. And I love love love the way you phrased it. He knows though that I wont be that person...and hes afraid of what he feels is the confrontation that would come along with my expectations...so he stays where he is because its easier....