This post is about everything and nothing.<P>Today I left a Plan B letter in my W's car, and mailed a copy to the OM. My counselor helped me write it, but it still scares the crap out of me. I didn't try Plan A that long, but my counselor told me that it was time to get out of it. I was not getting any respect and, well, was losing respect for myself. All I did was cry. Sometimes, I still do.<P>I'm so very, very tired. I'm tired of the lies, being betrayed over and over, and of loving her so much - trying to give and be understanding while I'm told "You make me feel uncomfortable." I went to Plan B because my W threatened divorce for the fourth (or was it fifth) time. She wanted to call the OM from our phone, from our house. And it was supposed to be okay. <P>I went to a bible study last night, and it was great. The only thing was that I got depressed on the way home. All I could think of was that I would love to do this with my w. That's a common theme for me - I begin to think about how great it would be to do something with her and get all depressed.<P>I pray quite a bit. I know that the affair is rooted in our problems, that she was not getting what she needed from me. I know that most affairs don't last. My w is very stubborn. Very, very stubborn. When she feels everyone is against her and she's right, she digs in so deep that you can't change her mind - you've got to wait until she changes it herself. I don't know if I can wait that long. <P>I know a lot of people probably feel the same way I do. I can't stand it; each day is its own private little hell. I can't wait until the day ends, but I dread the start of a new day. I want to sleep all of the time, but I can't sleep. <P>The good things that have come from this? I have found a relationship with God, and am leading a more Christ centered life. I'm trying to learn more and be a better Christian. I have learned a lot about me and am changing my lifestyle. I've lost 20 lbs. I have found out how much I truly love my wife. And I fear that I will lose her. <P>Joe

Joe, <P>#1--- It is so wonderful that you found GOD! Isn't he AWESOME? If anything good came from your wife having an affair.... it is you falling on your knees in front of JESUS! I know, I have been there. I am actually thankful that my life took this course, otherwise, I wonder if I ever would have found my way back to GOD! I believe sometimes GOD humbles us! I know in my situation, the only way I would have gotten through this was with God by my side. I am not trying to say that he deliberately hurt me, but I think that this was something that I needed to open my H and my eyes. This was definitely a humbling experience for me, not only with GOD but with my H. <P> You need to concentrate on yourself, and your relationship with GOD. He will show you the way. PRAY< PRAY< PRAY, for your WIFE. Perhaps, she just can't forgive herself and believes there is no way for her to turn back. She is missing something... perhaps the LORD?<p>[This message has been edited by Destroyed (edited November 12, 1999).]

It is so sad that she is loved in a way I can only dream about being loved by a man that is faithful, yet she is chosing to be with a man that was willing to get involved with a married woman and is thus unfaithful. <P>The only choice I have is to stay with a man that was unfaithful to me or to chose to be alone.<P>I don't feel the Lord choses those strong enough to be humbled, he can have nothing to do with evil, but he has promised that he will not allow Satan to tempt us beyond what we can handle. I feel that I have completely disappointed the Lord, because I am not handling it. <P>Sometimes I wonder if the Lord has been trying to answer my prayers and show me what I need to do I am just not accepting it. I wonder if he has been trying show me that it would be better for me to be on my own and let this marriage end.