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OMs wife asked me to hold off contacting OM contacts as they have a counseling session scheduled for this afternoon. I'm going to respect that today. Tomorrow, I'll call her back and ask for OMs parents and siblings contact info. I know there's a risk that if my wife knows I am exposing that she may contact the OM and he may call his parents and siblings and feed them some B's about me being a crazy jealous husband. Ok, that makes no sense. Why would it need to be delayed if not to have the opportunity to pre-empt you? This is one of the main reasons it is not a good idea to tell the OM's W that you are going to expose. She doesn't understand the objective and wants to protect him. As such, she may give him a heads up so he can forewarn his family that you are "an insane, abusive, jealous husband that imagines his wife is having affairs." I don't think you should hold off at all. I think you should expose before she has a chance to forewarn the family members. I would let the OM's wife know later that you had a change of heart.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OMs wife asked me to hold off contacting OM contacts as they have a counseling session scheduled for this afternoon. Keep in mind that this woman does not have a plan to save her marriage, YOU DO. Don't let someone who has no plan, who does not have your best interest at heart, impede your plan to protect your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OMs wife asked me to hold off contacting OM contacts as they have a counseling session scheduled for this afternoon. I'm going to respect that today. Tomorrow, I'll call her back and ask for OMs parents and siblings contact info. I know there's a risk that if my wife knows I am exposing that she may contact the OM and he may call his parents and siblings and feed them some B's about me being a crazy jealous husband. Ok, that makes no sense. Why would it need to be delayed if not to have the opportunity to pre-empt you? This is one of the main reasons it is not a good idea to tell the OM's W that you are going to expose. She doesn't understand the objective and wants to protect him. As such, she may give him a heads up so he can forewarn his family that you are "an insane, abusive, jealous husband that imagines his wife is having affairs." I don't think you should hold off at all. I think you should expose before she has a chance to forewarn the family members. I would let the OM's wife know later that you had a change of heart. I get it, but I don't have access to contact information. Any tips on how to approach getting it without the OMW involved?
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OMs wife asked me to hold off contacting OM contacts as they have a counseling session scheduled for this afternoon. I'm going to respect that today. Tomorrow, I'll call her back and ask for OMs parents and siblings contact info. I know there's a risk that if my wife knows I am exposing that she may contact the OM and he may call his parents and siblings and feed them some B's about me being a crazy jealous husband. Ok, that makes no sense. Why would it need to be delayed if not to have the opportunity to pre-empt you? This is one of the main reasons it is not a good idea to tell the OM's W that you are going to expose. She doesn't understand the objective and wants to protect him. As such, she may give him a heads up so he can forewarn his family that you are "an insane, abusive, jealous husband that imagines his wife is having affairs." I don't think you should hold off at all. I think you should expose before she has a chance to forewarn the family members. I would let the OM's wife know later that you had a change of heart. I get it, but I don't have access to contact information. Any tips on how to approach getting it without the OMW involved? Tell me where you have looked for this information so far..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OMs wife asked me to hold off contacting OM contacts as they have a counseling session scheduled for this afternoon. I'm going to respect that today. Tomorrow, I'll call her back and ask for OMs parents and siblings contact info. I know there's a risk that if my wife knows I am exposing that she may contact the OM and he may call his parents and siblings and feed them some B's about me being a crazy jealous husband. Ok, that makes no sense. Why would it need to be delayed if not to have the opportunity to pre-empt you? This is one of the main reasons it is not a good idea to tell the OM's W that you are going to expose. She doesn't understand the objective and wants to protect him. As such, she may give him a heads up so he can forewarn his family that you are "an insane, abusive, jealous husband that imagines his wife is having affairs." I don't think you should hold off at all. I think you should expose before she has a chance to forewarn the family members. I would let the OM's wife know later that you had a change of heart. I get it, but I don't have access to contact information. Any tips on how to approach getting it without the OMW involved? Tell me where you have looked for this information so far.. Facebook and other social media sites. LinkedIn for friends. General Google search.
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[q
Facebook and other social media sites. LinkedIn for friends. General Google search. What about the OM's wife facebook page? Do you know his parent's names and where they live?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Facebook and other social media sites. LinkedIn for friends. General Google search. What about the OM's wife facebook page? Do you know his parent's names and where they live? Tried that, too, and, no, I don't know they're names.
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Facebook and other social media sites. LinkedIn for friends. General Google search. What about the OM's wife facebook page? Do you know his parent's names and where they live? Tried that, too, and, no, I don't know they're names. Just keep searching. Try doing a search on facebook of his last name and town and see if you can find some of his relatives. So his wife's facebook has no visible friends or posts with likes?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Facebook and other social media sites. LinkedIn for friends. General Google search. What about the OM's wife facebook page? Do you know his parent's names and where they live? Tried that, too, and, no, I don't know they're names. Just keep searching. Try doing a search on facebook of his last name and town and see if you can find some of his relatives. So his wife's facebook has no visible friends or posts with likes? The OMWs FB page has friends and family, but no parents are listed and it appears to be her family, aunt, cousin, etc. It appears that she hasn't actively used FB for a few years.
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Ok, still digging...
Melody, can you check out a prior post just above with my draft text back to my wife re: canceling mediation, please?
Wondering if I should text that or if I should tell her face to face.
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The OMWs FB page has friends and family, but no parents are listed and it appears to be her family, aunt, cousin, etc. It appears that she hasn't actively used FB for a few years. Do you see anyone with the same last name as the OM?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My wife texted me this morning about working on our next 2 week budget and to let me know that she left it out for me to review.
This is my draft reply:
"I did see it and quickly looked at it. Thanks for working on it, I appreciate it.
Couple of things. I have had a change of heart about mediation and parenting sessions and won't be going to either. I cancelled Monday's mediation. Can you please cancel the parenting class so we can get a refund? I understand you are interested in getting a divorce and I can't stop you, but I don't think this is the right thing for our family."
. Can you soften it up a bit so it doesn't come across like you ordering her around? I made some suggested changes.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sent the cancel email to mediator and sent the revised text to my wife. Whew...
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Sent the cancel email to mediator and sent the revised text to my wife. Whew... Good job!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sent the cancel email to mediator and sent the revised text to my wife. Whew... Good job! Also, just texted another of her girlfriends. This is the one I think who will let Sarah know that I am exposing. I followed the text by letting her know I'd rather talk on the phone and to give me a call when she has some time to. This is the same girlfriend that my wife was texting to about not waiting for Lincoln forever. Ironically, several months ago, I saw a text from this lady telling my wife about talking to an old high school flame, him saying nice things about her, and I think, iirc, he sent her a flower or flowers. My wife's response was, "hot". Sheesh
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Just reached out to another girlfriend of hers. I saw a text exchange between these two wherein the gf, who is married, refers to a lucky break because she found out that her crush had a history of abusive behaviors. The implication I drew was that she might be stepping out on her own husband who has some sort of disability.
Huh, she texted right back and said she'd call in a hour.
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Reply from my wife to my text about canceling mediation:
i just saw the email about meditation. Does this mean that you think the best thing for our family is a divorce where we have seperate lawyers and we arent working to cooperate and find solutions that best support our boys?
So many ways to reply...
Of course, I don't think divorce is the best thing. There is and we can work toward what is best for the boys by working on our marriage and remain committed and in love with each other.
I feel so dumb writing this kind of stuff as she continues hammering me for a divorce.
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Reply from my wife to my text about canceling mediation:
i just saw the email about meditation. Does this mean that you think the best thing for our family is a divorce where we have seperate lawyers and we arent working to cooperate and find solutions that best support our boys? "Divorce is devastating to kids. That is not something I want for them."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Does this mean that you think the best thing for our family is a divorce where we have seperate lawyers and we arent working to cooperate and find solutions that best support our boys? This is very manipulative of her to say. She wants to tear apart your marriage and your children's family and is acting like you are the CAUSE because you won't cooperate with her intended destruction. Do you see how manipulative that is? She very much does not want to be blamed for her destructive behavior. Don't oblige her there. What she is doing will be DEVASTATING TO YOUR CHILDREN. Don't mince words about that. And your kids should know she wants to tear apart their family over nothing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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