That letter and those talking points is PERFECT! You did a good job!

If I remember right, wifedivorcing was trying to SELL exposure to his wife which is a waste of time. It is like trying to reason with a falling down drunk. I wouldn't get bogged down in needless explanations because nothing will work. Rather, I would just say "I'm sorry you are upset, but I felt others should know." Leave it at that.

And remember, don't let her bait you into any fights! You will do great!

So nervous, lol.

I understand! Just suck it up and keep walking! You will be fine..

Oh my goodness ..

Talked to her mom and her dad's new wife, but they were not available at the moment to talk so they're calling me back.

I just texted my brother and three of her closest friends.

What about exposures to the OM's family and friends? DrD, please get this wrapped up. Just jump in with both feet. Have you sent out that email to your family and close friends?

Talked with one of three siblings with a call to another scheduled this evening. Haven't gotten a reply text from the other sibling.

Talked to her father. He's supportive of the marriage and had only heard some rumor of an affair in that it was emotional.

Texted my brother.

Texted two of her close friends. Gonna now text a friend of hers that I think was encouraging of her to wait for the OM. She's the one I think will immediately tell my wife I am exposing. Second thought, she'll be my last text tonight.

Gonna now text some close co-worker friends of hers. This may also result in immediate call to my wife, but not sure.

OM exposures a little later tonight.

Just texted her teacher friends.

Ooof, called her longest term friend and call was interrupted by dinner arriving on her side. Could tell from the beginning of the call that she was unsure why I was calling. We've never talked in the phone and she probably is the one friend who knows the most about my marriage. Definitely not a friendly contact. Didn't get to her requesting her help, just got to describing the affair and that before affair discovery it was marriage counseling and working on the marriage and then following discovery it was divorce talk.

I texted her when we hung to tell her I appreciated her taking the call and if she interested in doing so to give me a call back.

Misjudged this contact and probably should've left it for last. Oh well.

Good job! Please keep it up! Are you at home with your wife?

At home with wife and kids when I made the calls to her brother and sister.

Tried to find OM friends and family on Facebook. No go, there's a profile, but nothing else.

Weird. I saw that her longest term friend texted her just after I contacted her, but it was a pair of emojis and my wife as of last night hadn't replied to her.

So far, not a peep from my wife.

Couple of her friends texted me back with encouraging words though we're unsure how they could help.

First off, I am really surprised you didn't develop a list of his exposure targets before you started exposure, given how EXTREMELY IMPORTANT this is. What about his wife's facebook page? Can you glean a list of family and friends from that?

Somehow you have to get his family's contact information.

The way they can help is reaching out to your wife to try and persuade her to work on her marriage. Will they do that?

This is the most important exposure just behind the OM's wife. Don't skip your greatest weapon against a resumption of the affair.

Just finished talking to her mom who was very supportive of ending the affair and encouraging my wife to work on the marriage.

Her school teacher friends I texted, I haven't heard from them.

Two of her close friends texted me back indicating they supported me, but weren't sure how to help. I'm wimping out in asking to directly contact my wife to encourage her to go no contact with the OM. I'm trying to work up the courage.

Her brother was supportive of me fighting for the marriage, but he isn't buying into getting involved.

Her two older sisters indicated that when they talk to her they'll encourage to go no contact and work on the marriage.

Her dad is supportive of the marriage and will continue to encourage her to work on the marriage.

So far no word from my wife about my calls and texts.

I have a text drafted to my wife about cancelling Mondays mediation and asking her to cancel her parenting class that she scheduled and paid for. I'm unsure whether to communicate that via text or wait until I get home. Although, I need to email the mediator today to cancel so she'll likely see the return email confirming cancelation so she'll know anyway.

yeah!! Good job.


C'mon! Get er done! Courage is a choice. You have made harder choices, Encourage them to support your marriage and persuade your wife to completely give up her affair with this married man.


Very good!


Good! I would get this out of the way.

More critically, you need to finish up your exposures and reach out to the OM's family. That will help ensure he stays away!

Re-texted the 2 friends and more clearly asked that when they talk to my wife to encourage and support her abandoning the affair with the OM and to work on the marriage.

I think one thing I missed in my messages to all of these people was the explicit ask to contact my wife directly.

Ok, sending the text now to my wife about the mediation and parenting classes and will tell her I'll talk to her about it tonight...I'll bring her a bottle of wine, lols.

OMs wife asked me to hold off contacting OM contacts as they have a counseling session scheduled for this afternoon. I'm going to respect that today. Tomorrow, I'll call her back and ask for OMs parents and siblings contact info. I know there's a risk that if my wife knows I am exposing that she may contact the OM and he may call his parents and siblings and feed them some B's about me being a crazy jealous husband.

My wife texted me this morning about working on our next 2 week budget and to let me know that she left it out for me to review.

This is my draft reply:
"I did see it and quickly looked at it. Thanks for working on it, I appreciate it.

Couple of things. I'm cancelling Mondays mediation. I'll email their office after I send this text. Also, please cancel the parenting session you've scheduled and request a refund. I will not be scheduling a parenting session."

Now, there is a LB here in that I should have worked up this budget myself and I didn't. I gotta get in there and start this. It would be a big change for me and I think greatly appreciated by her.