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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7 |
I don't even know where to start. I am not happy in my relationship. I really feel like there is nothing more I can do or say to express my needs. Our relationship, to me, has always been a struggle. We separated for 6 months last year and have since reconciled. When we separated I was devasted and wanted to fix things. Now that we have been back together for a year I am often questioning if getting back together was the right choice. I feel like I have read every book created to have a strong and happy marriage. Only working on one side doesn't seem to be working as I definitely don't have the love I want. Throughout the day we barely talk. I have asked him numerous times to send me random texts etc. He does a lot of independent behavior and love busters. Our plans are what he wants to do 90% of the time. If I make a suggestion it is shut down. I have explained to him about the love bank and when my bank is totally empty, and he thinks the entire concept is dumb. I'm grasping at straws. If you were to ask him, he is happy. We have always had a good sex life and that continues. I'm just lost and torn between getting out and running away or sticking it out and feeling like I am wasting another 9 years of my life. A couple weeks ago I mentioned about the 4-4 hour dates and he agreed that we need to have more dates, but again nothing has changed.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
Welcome to MB.
Are you married? How long have you been married? Do you have any children? Do you have any children together?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7 |
Married for 3 years, together for 9. We have 5 kids, 1 together.
Last edited by JustWantHappines; 10/16/19 09:50 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hello JustWantHappiness, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. Dr. Harley just released a really good article about this very subject. Please read this and come back and we can discuss: I JUST LEFT MY SPOUSE. NOW WHAT?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7 |
Hello JustWantHappiness, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. Dr. Harley just released a really good article about this very subject. Please read this and come back and we can discuss: I JUST LEFT MY SPOUSE. NOW WHAT?Thank you so much! So based on this I should write him a letter of what is not working and if nothing changed separate?
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7 |
I am so sad as I do really love him, I just don't think I am in love with him anymore. If a man winked at me it would be more attention than he gives me and I am an attractive woman! I don't know where to turn.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hello JustWantHappiness, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. Dr. Harley just released a really good article about this very subject. Please read this and come back and we can discuss: I JUST LEFT MY SPOUSE. NOW WHAT?Thank you so much! So based on this I should write him a letter of what is not working and if nothing changed separate? Exactly! And you wouldn't threaten to separate or give him forewarning. Just do it. Sometimes it is the motivator that changes marriages.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7 |
Hello JustWantHappiness, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. Dr. Harley just released a really good article about this very subject. Please read this and come back and we can discuss: I JUST LEFT MY SPOUSE. NOW WHAT?Thank you so much! So based on this I should write him a letter of what is not working and if nothing changed separate? Exactly! And you wouldn't threaten to separate or give him forewarning. Just do it. Sometimes it is the motivator that changes marriages. Thank you. Something I should mention. We haven't moved back in together from our previous separation. It's been almost a year since we have reconciled. He is living in our rental house and the plan was once we sell the rental house he would move back in. Does this change the advice at all? In the year there have been some positive changes but not enough to make a lasting loving marriage.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hello JustWantHappiness, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. Dr. Harley just released a really good article about this very subject. Please read this and come back and we can discuss: I JUST LEFT MY SPOUSE. NOW WHAT?Thank you so much! So based on this I should write him a letter of what is not working and if nothing changed separate? Exactly! And you wouldn't threaten to separate or give him forewarning. Just do it. Sometimes it is the motivator that changes marriages. Thank you. Something I should mention. We haven't moved back in together from our previous separation. It's been almost a year since we have reconciled. He is living in our rental house and the plan was once we sell the rental house he would move back in. Does this change the advice at all? In the year there have been some positive changes but not enough to make a lasting loving marriage. I understand now. I didn't know that. In that case, I would just make plans to finalize the separation and file for divorce. You have already separated and it did not motivate him to change.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 7 |
I understand now. I didn't know that. In that case, I would just make plans to finalize the separation and file for divorce. You have already separated and it did not motivate him to change. Thank you.
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