Your husband told us it took you years to get this job. And what do you do? You risk the job by behaving in a grossly unprofessional manner with your workplace affair. Workplace affairs are grounds for termination in most businesses, did you know that? Your company is bound to find out that you have behaved so unprofessional on the job. So is this man's wife. This was a really dumb thing to do if you "love" your job. You have all but ruined your future because you can't stay married and work there.

hi melody, its silver777. i reassure you i will not be violent. this was when i saw all that she had hidden, my anger has gone. however i do feel really sad and helpless at this point. i have been trying to explain to her that there is simply no way i can trust her after what she did specially when she will be going back to work. one cannot just break someones trust and then say trust me i will not do it again. now that you too have replied the same she is having her outbursts on me that i am doing all this purposely to make her quit that job. i was really happy she had a job finally. but now things are being turned on me. all she replies is i want to ruin everything for her. now all she does is tell me how miserable she has been with me all this years and the past 1year or so i have neglected her. to me thats all tactics to make me feel guilty and let her keep that job.
one only wonders if this was meaningless flirtation then why go through all the lengths to hide them.
its been a month now and all i get is i am sorry please trust me i will not do it again, we are just friends.

i want to work things out with her and give her all the attention and affection however this has totally given me mental paralysis. i cannot move on with her until she has cut all contact with the other guy.

in the meantime please guide me what to do next? it really hurts every morning when she wakes up and runs to her job after all the pain that i have gone through she tells me she wuould rather quit us than that job or if i want to work this out then i should let her keep that job.

Silver, you and your wife need to separate immediately. You have lost your temper and physically assaulted her. It will happen again. So one of you needs to move out until you get help for your anger. This is not a safe situation.

I would also inform this man's wife TODAY that your wife is having an affair with her husband. Your wife will have to leave that job if your marriage is to ever work. You should not trust her as long as she works there. Your wife ruined her job by behaving in a grossly unprofessional manner. Your marriage can NEVER recover as long as she sees or speaks to this man.

hi melody, so i have been seeing a local religious leader for my anger.since yesterday i have become calm and left everything to god. when you cant change something you change your perspective is what i have learnt. i am still looking for a place to go away as my wife does not quit the job. everything she says i feel is a lie. normally whenever we argued she would tell me "ask anyone and they will say how wrong you are" however this time she is the one who doesnt want to ask anyone. i am already working on myself and seeing changes but i know its still along way to go. there is reaction and response. how you react is from emotions and how you respond is from rational thoughts. in the past three days everytime she talks to me herself i delay in replying so i know what i am talking. at times i literally take a full minue before my mouth even opens.

however i still feel really hurt that she will not quit contact with the other guy. my whole day just passes with doubts and now m having trouble with my daily tasks. yesterday was the 2nd time i forgot to pick my son from where the school bus drops him. i had to run after the bus to get to him. sometimes i get up to do something and i forget what i wanted to do.

she just came back from work, its been a month, i finally got a place and m moving out. after i told her m moving out, she is telling it was a mistake, i should just forgive her and move on now. i should not dwell on the past. amazing how a person cheating you is now forcing you to forgive and forget. i dont want to live a lie. id rather move out and prepare for a better life.

another thing id like to mention is that now she starting to try and connect with me both emotionally and physically. what should i take that as? i really dont want to move out because my son is hurting in that process. he cries when one of us is not around and knows he will not be seeing one parent before he sleeps.

silver, please go forward and move out. In the meantime it is very important that you tell this man's wife what is going on. Did you do this?

i dont have this mans wifes number or no way of getting it. i havent either exposed this to anyone due to the reasons i mentioned above. i am totally stuck here on my own.

You need to find her number or address and tell her. Affairs thrive on secrecy so keeping it a secret only helps it thrive and grow. That makes you an accessory to the crime and makes it impossible to save your marriage. So, if you want to save your marriage, you need to get to work and expose it, starting with the OM's wife and their employer.

If your neighbor's bookkeeper was stealing his money would you use this as an excuse to not tell him? Sorry, but that is a poor excuse to hide wrongdoing. You only help the bad guys.

Not telling the OM's wife only helps the OM hide his affair from his wife. Is it your objective to HELP the OM? Or did you want to help yourself and your child? Your actions make it appear that you want to help the OM, the guy who is wrecking your family and taking advantage of your wife.

Please go read the thread linked in my signature about exposure practices.

hi, its been days now, she took a leave and asked me to work things out with her for 2 weeks. unfortunately nothing is hapening, now she feels resentful towards me cause she thinks she will lose her job. i have told her that job and meeting the other guy will never hapen if she wants us to hapen and her reply is this,"ok fine i will not go that job and be here miserable with you" she neither quits that job, nor makes an effort to be honest and start recovery. however i am willing to put in my love and be kind and affectionate to her yet she just cant talk to me respectfully at all. she doesnt bother even trying to talk until i talk to her and then she starts spitting her anger out on me. to her i am the one who is ruining her job and her life. till now the only thing she says is that was just joking and nothing. anytime i pick her phone, she starts getting worried and tells me to give it back to her. i cant move past this as her actions speak volumes and her words i feel are nothing but lies.

initially i thought all the evidence was lost but then i found she had hidden it again in another folder. when i asked her, she played dum. i will also get the call logs and know how long they used to talk to each other. problem is she thinks everyone is dum and last she agreed that they used to talk to each other once in a blue moon for 20-30minutes. i am also in the process of exposing this to the other guys wife.

sadly this 2 weeks leave i feel is going to be wasted, neither she wants to approach, nor talk nor be approached or talked to. it feels like i could ask a wall to move aside and it will but she will not.

She should never go back to the job. I don't understand the point of the 2 weeks. That doesn't help. You need to expose the affair to his wife and expose it to the owners of the business.

been 2 months now and no progress, everything is calm however she just will not confess to anything except saying she just flirted. besides the notes, the conversation and the love contract i got call logs and she was talking to the other guy endlessly whenever i was not around. at this point i do not trust a single word that she says and i feel like i dont want to trust her anymore.

i have also exposed the whole thing and she is still lying. to add insult to injury, i have been abused verbally and belittled by her everytime i asked her any question. finally i called it quits and asked her to leave for good towards divorce, the verbal abuse has been there since very long and hasnt ended either. now she has been asking me to give her another chance but i feel hopeless, been cheated on, lied to and then called names for investigating things on my own. and now she refuses to leave, says i should i give her another chance.

her side of story : i will not do it again, i just flirted. forgive me and lets start over.

i dont even know what i am forgiving her for cause when i ask her what she flirted, the answer is, "we just flirted general stuff" can anyone explain whats general flirtation because i cant google it. another issue is we were discussing i told her am sorry but i cant start a new chapter based on your lies and everytime i am abused directly or indirectly. things like she is staying for our son. his tiny little heart will be shattered if mom and dad separate. the person cheating is the one playing victim. is this ego? is it just that some people refuse to give the truth out of fear of being mocked by the hurt spouse?
i have re assured her countless times that i need the full truth because it was our life together and i dont even know what my life was for a few months.

Who did you expose to? Did you expose to the OM’s wife? And the owners of the company like MelodyLane told you?

to the owners and family members, the number of oms wife i havent been able to get unfortunately.

What did they say?

What have you done to look for OM’s wife?

they havent replied anything.been 3days now. however she isnt going back to that job. i had requested them to inform the oms wife aswel. otherwise havent done anything else. for a full week both me and my wife had been ill and so nothing happened at all. now we have just started recovering but better the sickness of the body then these mind games m being played

You must tell the OM's wife. How can you find her?

hi melodylane, so much has happened i dont know where to start. exposed to his wife, havent contacted her again. she dint respond to me at all so i dont know even what happened with her and simply dont care now. i feel stuck in quicksand. just a few days after your post i caught my wife with yet another number that she had of him. all hell broke lose when she lied about the number and i asked her to leave for good. she refused and begged and cried that the number she had never used the number to contact him. since then we have been together like mute people. i feel resentful, i cant seem to respect her at all. she has been very calm and is trying to show me that she wants us to work but i seem to be getting distant. i really try to keep off my negative feelings but i cant. i feel bad that she is trying to reassure me that she cares but everytime i look at her i feel so betrayed. the cycle is unending, look at her, feel betrayed, then angry, then i go away to workout, come back and feel more depressed and resentful.

The reason you need to be in contact with this man's wife is so she can help you stop the affair. Did you actually speak to her? How did you expose to her?