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I also saw that she mentioned to her dad and his wife that I am in denial about a divorce happening (something she said to me this weekend) and that she's all about divorce and parenting right now. There just is nothing to deny at present. The divorce hasn't happened. She hasn't even filed.  Just because you are not going to a mediation for divorce that hasn't even been filed does not mean you are "in denial."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sheesh...she's been waiting several weeks to find out if she was accepted into a masters program in counseling. I saw a text to her dad and his wife that she was invited to a second stage that involves an interview. So i ask her if she has heard from them (as I have been since last week) and she replies with only, yeah. It took our youngest son asking her if she was accepted for her to say anymore. She didn't sound enthusiastic so I said, you don't sound excited about it and she replied that she was. My instinct is to just say F$%^ It and quit trying to break through. Between her taking the kids to parenting class that is required for people going through to divorce to her hardly talking to me to her seeing a lawyer to her forcing her way into moving herself into our office room, it just doesn't seem possible that we could ever come back.
I also saw that she mentioned to her dad and his wife that I am in denial about a divorce happening (something she said to me this weekend) and that she's all about divorce and parenting right now.
This feels like a lost cause and that I should just lawyer and go for broke in a divorce. But I don't want that, I don't want to lose my family, see my boys only a few times a week. This is why it is so important that you get spyware on her phone to see what is going on here. She is not in withdrawal which tells me she is still in touch with the OM or there is a PLAN in place. This is the leading CAUSE of a typical detachment. If you can get this intel, we could help you blow up the affair and really kill it off. But as long as you don't have spyware on her phone you have no way of knowing what she is doing. Another spy resource, in addition to her phone, could be a voice activated recorder in a key spot. Have you looked into that? She is not in withdrawal and that is a huge red flag. Is it possible that she already went through her withdrawal in the first couple of weeks following discovery and is not simply done with the marriage and resolved to a divorce? I guess that's asking you to read her mind, ain't it...
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I also saw that she mentioned to her dad and his wife that I am in denial about a divorce happening (something she said to me this weekend) and that she's all about divorce and parenting right now. There just is nothing to deny at present. The divorce hasn't happened. She hasn't even filed. Just because you are not going to a mediation for divorce that hasn't even been filed does not mean you are "in denial." I know, but I think she thinks that my non-cooperation with a divorce is an attempt to change her mind, as if I believe that the mere act of resisting divorce will cause her to change her mind.
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[
Is it possible that she already went through her withdrawal in the first couple of weeks following discovery and is not simply done with the marriage and resolved to a divorce? I guess that's asking you to read her mind, ain't it... Oh no, this is not normal. You should have seen extreme symptoms of withdrawal right after the OM supposedly "cut off" contact. After that happened, she would start softening up to you because her lovebank would no longer be closed off. Her lovebank has been closed to you because of the OM. If there is no more OM, we should see some cracks in the facade. None of that is happening.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know, but I think she thinks that my non-cooperation with a divorce is an attempt to change her mind, as if I believe that the mere act of resisting divorce will cause her to change her mind. If it comes up just let her know there is nothing to deny because nothing has been filed. You can't stop her from filing for divorce. So far, her actions don't match her words.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Have you found OM’s family and exposed yet?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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[
Is it possible that she already went through her withdrawal in the first couple of weeks following discovery and is not simply done with the marriage and resolved to a divorce? I guess that's asking you to read her mind, ain't it... Oh no, this is not normal. You should have seen extreme symptoms of withdrawal right after the OM supposedly "cut off" contact. After that happened, she would start softening up to you because her lovebank would no longer be closed off. Her lovebank has been closed to you because of the OM. If there is no more OM, we should see some cracks in the facade. None of that is happening. There were those signs immediately after discovery. She was visibly emotional, dropping passive aggressive comments about losing someone who cared for her, losing a great friend, talking about how she screwed up the family's relationship with each other, etc. There was crying involved, too. When he emailed her to request no further contact, I didn't detect anything until I saw an email from her to him indicating that she'd respect that. Mobistealth installed tonight.
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Saw a letter she was writing to me in her notebook tonight following me giving her flowers... Here's a picture of it: http://imgur.com/a/efQCArW
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[
Is it possible that she already went through her withdrawal in the first couple of weeks following discovery and is not simply done with the marriage and resolved to a divorce? I guess that's asking you to read her mind, ain't it... Oh no, this is not normal. You should have seen extreme symptoms of withdrawal right after the OM supposedly "cut off" contact. After that happened, she would start softening up to you because her lovebank would no longer be closed off. Her lovebank has been closed to you because of the OM. If there is no more OM, we should see some cracks in the facade. None of that is happening. There were those signs immediately after discovery. She was visibly emotional, dropping passive aggressive comments about losing someone who cared for her, losing a great friend, talking about how she screwed up the family's relationship with each other, etc. There was crying involved, too. But contact had not ended here. She was still in touch with him and told you she wouldn't end contact it. She was sad that she had been caught because exposure ruins affairs. However, she couldn't have been in withdrawal because she was still in touch. Withdrawal can only start when all contact ends. When he emailed her to request no further contact, I didn't detect anything until I saw an email from her to him indicating that she'd respect that. That is the red flag. That is when you should have seen signs of extreme withdrawal. This is why I believe they are still in touch or that there is a plan. Mobistealth installed tonight. yippee!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Saw a letter she was writing to me in her notebook tonight following me giving her flowers... Here's a picture of it: http://imgur.com/a/efQCArWShe knows you are reading this? Do you see how she liked getting the flowers? She liked that you went to that trouble.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Saw a letter she was writing to me in her notebook tonight following me giving her flowers... Here's a picture of it: http://imgur.com/a/efQCArWShe knows you are reading this? Do you see how she liked getting the flowers? She liked that you went to that trouble. No, she does not know I am reading, though I think she suspects it. And I think it's that suspicion that has her now journaling on her school issued laptop. I see she likes getting the flowers, I wonder why she didn't say anything.
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Have you found OM’s family and exposed yet? Did you ever find OM's family?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Have you found OM’s family and exposed yet? Did you ever find OM's family? Got the OMs mom's name and found a couple different email addresses and emailed all 3 with no response. No luck on dad or siblings.
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Have you found OM’s family and exposed yet? Did you ever find OM's family? Got the OMs mom's name and found a couple different email addresses and emailed all 3 with no response. No luck on dad or siblings. Good job tracking down some OM contacts! But you can’t rely on email to expose because you don’t know who has access to that email. Even if you got a response, it could be from OM masquerading as them. You need to speak with your exposure targets on the phone or in person. If you couldn’t track down a phone number or address, you can pay a small amount for a background check at spokeo or intellius or mylife. When I exposed my WxW, I had to buy background reports at spokeo and intellius before I found the right phone number to reach OMW (Ended up being her work number
BH (me) 50, WxW 47
Married 1994
D-day, plan A, & exposure Jan 2017
Divorced Nov 2017
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Interesting email from my wife just now:
I wanted to touch base and recap a conversation we had over the weekend. On Wednesday, November 27th, I will begin using the office as my bedroom. If your computer is still in the office at that time I will move it to your bedroom along with the desk. I will move the small desk from your room to my bedroom downstairs. All the computer wires and computer things that are stored in the closet will also be moved out and the file cabinet will be moved to the basement living area.
Thank you,
Wife
My instinct is to fight. Basically, say, no and explain that if she is unhappy with her choice to leave our bedroom to sleep on the couch then maybe you should consider working on the marriage and returning to our bedroom and your decision to sleep on the couch is not an excuse to rearrange our house.
Last edited by DrDetroit24; 10/30/19 02:22 PM.
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Have you found OM’s family and exposed yet? Did you ever find OM's family? Got the OMs mom's name and found a couple different email addresses and emailed all 3 with no response. No luck on dad or siblings. Good job tracking down some OM contacts! But you can’t rely on email to expose because you don’t know who has access to that email. Even if you got a response, it could be from OM masquerading as them. You need to speak with your exposure targets on the phone or in person. If you couldn’t track down a phone number or address, you can pay a small amount for a background check at spokeo or intellius or mylife. When I exposed my WxW, I had to buy background reports at spokeo and intellius before I found the right phone number to reach OMW (Ended up being her work number That's the next step and will do so tonight or tomorrow night. I also haven't emailed the OM directly.
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Interesting email from my wife just now:
I wanted to touch base and recap a conversation we had over the weekend. On Wednesday, November 27th, I will begin using the office as my bedroom. If your computer is still in the office at that time I will move it to your bedroom along with the desk. I will move the small desk from your room to my bedroom downstairs. All the computer wires and computer things that are stored in the closet will also be moved out and the file cabinet will be moved to the basement living area.
Thank you,
Wife
My instinct is to fight. Basically, say, no and explain that if she is unhappy with her choice to leave our bedroom to sleep on the couch then maybe you should consider working on the marriage and returning to our bedroom and your decision to sleep on the couch is not an excuse to rearrange our house. Instead of lecturing her, why don't you tell her you don't want your computer moved. Do you use the office?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Let me think about this for a couple of hours. Can you wait? How important is using the office to you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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] THAT INSTINCT HAS NOT SERVED YOU WELL! I can see you still react with anger and defensiveness when she says/does you don't like. That is what has led your marriage into this ditch. Your first instinct is to fight. I thought you said you had solved your angry reactions? It hasn't been solved from what I can see.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Some texts between her and her longest term friend:
Wife: DrD is so oblivious to how far broken this marriage has been. he's buying me flowers and texting every day..
Friend: it jst makes it harder and more damaging for the boys. the boys and i are taking the state required class for kids going through divorce. i have a lawyer, working on saving a retainer fee. Jon is in denial
Friend: I'm sorry Jon is such an oblivious tool
Wife: it just makes it harder and more damaging for the boys. the boys and i are taking the state required class for kids going through divorce. i have a lawyer, working on saving a retainer fee. Jon is in denial
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