Well, she's completing her attorney paperwork and making sure we all know about it. Wanted to know if I had an attorney, made a deal out of going into our bedroom to get the boys social security cards. Shaking my head.

She wrote this to the OMW:


On Sept 28 OM asked me not to contact him. i respected his wished until today when i left a letter on his windshield. i had some things that need to be said for my own personal clousure. unfortunately my car broke and OM saw out the window, he offered to call AAA, i declined, he went back to work. i went and found a place to sit in the sun while i waitrd for a tow truck. sorry

sorry for all the typos, im a bit shanken up from the way Jon is turning the boys against me in the ugliest way. i am divorcing him but it has nothing to do with OM

Notice how that's different than the story she told her friend...smh

My wife has put a screen lock on her phone now.

Weird how she thinks that what I am saying to her is an attempt to turn the boys against her....sheesh

Her oldest sister tried to give her some advice tonight:

"Why a tow truck? Sarah, have you thought about keeping your marriage together and your family intact? Divorce sucks. Dual parenting outside a marriage sucks. Not having your kids on holidays sucks. Dating sucks. New relationships with outside baggage sucks. It all sucks and it's hard. I've experienced it, I know. You seem to be looking through rose colored glasses that there is going to be this incredible amicable relationship with Jon. Don't you remember how much mom & dad fought when we were little? They didn't always get along. Even now I hear the resentment in dad's voice. Additionally, you've compromised it with infidelity. Can't you guys see a pro-marriage counselor and work on keeping it together? Rather than one trying to help you pull it apart "amicably"? Which is a joke.... divorce is not amicable. It's destructive to your spirit, it's destructive to other relationships, it's destructive to kids , it's destructive financially. It's [censored]. The grass isn't greener on the other side. If I could tell you one thing this is it.... marriage is better than divorce. I love you. I think you're making a mistake and I wish you would reconsider."

My wife's reply: " thank you for offering your opinion" and "vomit, that is what i have had to choke down to be a good wife to Jon. I'm tired of choking down vomit. i am divorcing him"

Yikes

Love that sister!! She is giving her great advice! She is right, divorce is not amicable. Only the very rare few are, and they didn't involve infidelity.

NOW, you need to get back on the Plan A horse and be a great Plan A husband. You did a great job of busting her and she is now getting a good dose of reality.

Well, she is doing such a good job of that herself. I don't imagine your boys are too happy about this.

Are one of you seeing a counselor who is trying to achieve an "amicable" divorce? Your wife wants an "amicable" divorce [a fantasy] so she won't feel so guilty about tearing apart your family.

I want to add that the letter to achieve "closure" is always an attempt at resumption. If a person really wants to "close" they close, they don't open. I wish you could see this letter. Do you think the OM's wife has it?

I'll ask the omw if she had a chance to see it.

My wife isn't seeing a counselor.

Hard to imagine doing that Plan A.

I realize you are angry, but what happened yesterday is probably a very good thing that improved your position. That blew up in her face yesterday and she got a cold dose of reality. She looks like a jerk in front of the OM's wife, you and your kids. It is apparent your wife has not been done with her affair and was planning on trying to lure him back. Of course, there may be a plan in the works to avoid each other while they go through the motions of ending [or "working on"] their marriages to put on a good show and then hook up later.

No one would blame you if you decided to end the marriage now, but if you want to save this, you need to put on a GREAT Plan A. I think you will start to see better results now if you do because you wrecked her little plan yesterday.

Did you figure out the GPS feature on the spyware?

At this point I would expose the affair to all his work colleagues including telling them all what happened in the company property given that the affair is occurring at the property even if it was not a workplace affair as such to start with. I thought you did not know where he works.

I would also write/expose this new development to all wife’s side in group email, text including her friend who is encouraging her. It would pressure on WW. This would also run this friend away from giving your wife bad advice. Push it further you can even say this friend is helping your wife make bad decisions. Push it further you can say the kids know this development.

I would also expose to the people you found on OM’s wife FB posts/likes because they are likely to have some kind of relationship with OM.

What you will achieve by doing this: many things including running away OM. He is not go8ng to want to be seen with WW when his work colleagues and his circle know esp when they know the affair is happening on company grounds.

I have a feeling that lack of exposure to OM’s side has handicapped all you are trying to do.

Imagine you are an Africa lion, elephant, baboon or buffalo that fights to its death to save its life and family. You have not behaved this way yet which tells you are not serious enough yet. Your depth of efforts on other things is truly mind boggling considering that you are not putting efforts on exposing OM’s side. You are removing the leaves but not the roots to make the tree fall down.

Oh, I want to do that Plan A...it's just hard to clear out my head, set aside the emotions and Plan A. It's also hard because trying to engage with her is met with a brick wall and I have to accept that this is what it is and just let it go and keep working Plan A.

The storm is coming, though...she's already hounding me about tax paperwork for the discovery process. I know she hasn't retained a lawyers and emptying out the savings account will prevent her from using our savings to do so. I've already changed direct deposit for my check so she can't access my pay and she'll have to save her her whole paycheck 3x over to afford the retainer. I'm going to talk to her this weekend about switching my direct deposit and that we need to discuss dividing up household expenses and that I will deposit into our joint checking account only as much money is needed to cover the household bills.

Yes, I did.

Ok, I'll start working this.

It does appear that her teacher friends are wholly supportive of her. The friend that she sent a text to describing going to the OM's workplace and the "signs" is one of those friends. It also appears that at least 2 of her casual friends are supportive of her divorcing me because they came over last night in response to her texts asking for help moving furniture. Two other casual friends are saying that they want her to be happy but are not in active commos with her.

Other than her sister, text above, I'm not sure what her two other siblings are saying or her parents.

A couple of texts then - 1 to her parents and siblings exposing that my wife has continued contact with the OM despite him asking her not and her telling me and the kids that she was no contacting him and reiterating that I am willing to work on the marriage. 1 text to her teacher friends exposing the new contact with OM. 1 text to her friends exposing the new contact. In each I'll also refer to her best friend who is actively encouraging my wife to break up the family.

Here's the rub, though, as my wife tried to do with me, she'll just say that she was trying to bring closure. you know, this was all so casual, I needed to close out my feelings, thank the OM, etc. And most people would buy that bs.

Mongoose Snake Scenario...

Keep focused on your targets. You targets are two snakes and you are the mongoose.

Target/Snake 1 is OM.

Target/snake 2. Is WW

Shake the hell(the affair) out of these targets no matter what it takes. We do not know what is that letter. Maybe it is promise/plans for their future.

Also get some insights from MelodyLane first. She is the vet.

I would do this in one text group. That way the teachers and friends have no chance to hide from her siblings, family and parents. The teachers and friends are doing this because they can get away with it. No one is checking on them. Shine the light. On this forum one person exposed the affair on his FB wall and the friends of WW who were supporting her stopped talking to her. They ran away.

Ok, I would put some of the money from your savings account back in. Half of that money belongs to you, half to her. You don't want to set yourself up to piss off a judge if it ever comes to that. Agree with your idea about having a discussion about the household bills.

You have already exposed the affair to everybody who counts EXCEPT the OM's parents. There is no need to expose it to his workplace because this is not a workplace affair. As much as I would like to aggravate the OM, he HAS tried to end the affair and did not contact her. If he does resume contact, I would go all out. In the meantime, you do need to expose to his parents and family in order to diminish the future of the affair. Your wife won't want to face this family if they all know she is a married woman having an affair. This will ruin any future plans she and the OM might have.