There's a large chunk of money in our savings that is our boys. I'll keep all of that in my account and split the remaining half with my wife. If my wife wants a divorce, then she can get a credit card or ask someone for a loan, but I and my kids won't finance it.

I need to get myself off of the costco membership and the associated credit card.

Sounds good!

Yeah, gotta find his mom's name, again...

Got it and have 2 numbers and facebook. Kinda prefer FB because I'm nervous to call. She's 82. Although, it doesn't appear that she's used FB in a long time.

Say what? You have his mother's name. It was my understanding you were trying to find contact information??

I don't think you are taking this step seriously. Have you had this contact information all this time and just not done it? Get this done!

I have it...she's 82 and I'm not so comfortable cold-calling an 82 year old woman to tell her that her son is having an affair. OTOH, it doesn't appear that she's using FB.

I think I found a sister and her husband.

The OM and OMW own a vacation home with 2 other families, I wonder if hitting them would help, too. At least the wives there know my wife through the OMW.

Well, you need to get over your discomfort real quick. [no one is ever comfortable making these calls] Being 82 does not mean she can't handle bad news. Senior citizens have more life experience and wisdom than young people and are better equipped at handling bad news. Don't discount her based on her age.


Good, call them too! But get this wrapped up.


Absolutely! Those husbands need to know to protect their marriages from the OM.

And what about OM’s father? Have you exposed to him?

Can't seem to locate him and I think he may be deceased.

Yikes, my wife is on this morning.

She wanted to know how I was doing on her. And told me that she was removing me from our sprint cell phone account. I asked her if she was punishing me and she said no, she asked me again how I was doing on her. I said I wasn't and it didn't matter anyway if there was nothing to hide. She got into me about how I've abused her for 16 years and I replied that whatever she thinks of my performance as a husband doesn't justify cheating on me or our family or continuing to lie about contact with the OM.

When I said that we are still married, she scoffed. I said this to suggest that since we are still married there's no reason to be keeping secrets. She then said we're getting a divorce and in the process of getting a divorce hence she wants her personal to be private. Again I apologized for not being a very good husband and told her I was willing to work on the marriage if she were willing to try. She scoffed again saying that I should focus on being a good husband for my next wife.

I don't understand this sentence..

Email from my wife while I was at church with the boys:

If you care about me the way you say you do then please do mediation with me. This marriage is over for me and I see you are having a hard time accepting that. Your resistence to mediate is only making matters worse for the boys and me.

She then attached pics from a book she is reading called Good Parenting through Divorce. One section was titled, Accept the Divorce and Don't Fight.

She keeps pushing for mediation and she's now saying that unwillingness to mediate is hurting her and the boys.

I don't understand it, either...lol

Now I see...autocorrect on phone changed what I intended, "spying" to "doing". I meant to post that my wife wanted to know how I was spying on her.

Caught a text of hers to her friend saying that she's looking forward to this bike ride today so she can spend some time away from me and that she really dislikes me right now.

I feel like she is trying to bait you into a fight and get you to say something she can use against you. I would suggest you ignore any more requests for "mediation." You have told her how you feel. If she brings it up in person you can say "I prefer to leave that for the attorneys to work out. I don't want any more conflict." Then leave the room.

BE SURE and save all texts and start documenting everything. You can use the "notes" feature on an iphone and start dating and documenting every communication.

Thanks, Melody. I'll start recording our conversations and I'm already saving texts and emails. She's pretty hot about me spying on her and knowing what I know, she was pressing hard today about how I am reading her texts and how I know she met the OM.

I SERIOUSLY DOUBT this is the first time they have communicated since Sept 28. I bet they have been in touch the whole time which explains why she is not in withdrawal. She wasn't this bad before, but she is FURIOUS NOW because you have really interrupted her affair. Just keep a close eye on her and I bet you see this again. Look for her to get more sneaky, like parking her car, leaving her phone in the parking lot and going somewhere with the OM.

It would sure be nice if OM's wife would help you. Maybe you could inspire her to help her if you told her something like this:

"I want you to know I am very concerned that this affair is really over. She is very much in love and addicted to your husband according to some things she has written and said to her friends. This affair is not over for her. Her friends are very supportive and encouraging of her affair. I have seen some suspicious things but one of the biggest red flags is the complete absence of withdrawal. That led me to believe they were still in touch so I started watching. Sure enough, I catch her going to the OM's office. I am telling you this so you can watch from your end. I promise to let you know if I see anything but I predict this is far from over based on the things she is telling her friends. I can't save my marriage as long as OM is still in the picture."

How do you think she would react if you sent that?

I think you might have killed this affair. That is why she is so hot. She was still seeing him all this time.

DrD, I want to salute you for stepping up your snooping to ferret out the truth! It explains why she wasn't acting like a wayward who had stopped contact (withdrawal), and now the picture is much clearer for you. Keep following MelodyLane's advice, you have the best working on your case!

Great job keeping your cool and not engaging in angry outbursts. I know it's hard, the lies are almost always as bad as the A itself. But keep staying cool and DON'T react to her baiting attempts. You have to continue being strategic with this, and not reactive. Whether you try to save the M or decide on plan D (divorce), you'll better achieve your goal if you stay calm.

This is right out of the wayward handbook. You've scored a direct hit on the ongoing affair, and now she's sputtering and rewriting history in order to demonize you. Betrayed spouses have a tendency to take too much of the blame once the wayward spouse starts with this tactic. I am certain that you have done things over the years to damage your marriage, everyone has. The key is to recognize the damage you did and use MB principles to identify and eliminate the lovebusters from your behavior. (I.E. clean up your side of the street) But it never justifies an affair, period. And your right about the kids deserving to know the truth about something that impacts their lives so much. Make sure to continue doing it respectfully and to not lovebust her to your kids.