Myself and my wife have been married 8 years

We have been fighting the past 6 months due to financial constraints and it just seemed to get uglier. We have our own business but she wasn’t really helping me so I got someone else into replace my wife’s work. I sat her down nicely and said this is interfering with our marriage and I can see her heart is not in this. But she needs to go back to selling property as it is flexible and she can bring in an extra income and still look after our 3 kids

A month ago we had a huge fight because she hasn’t contributed in 6 months. In the 6 months after confronting her often and pressure building I seemed to have cracked. She took the kids without my knowledge and went to her mom and had seen a lawyer. After the weekend cool off she came home and I realized I need to start working on things and have been ever since and we started gaining momentum. We then had a very small argument and next thing she sent me divorce papers 2 weeks ago. On her birthday she told me and on my birthday a week later I got my papers.

She is not interested in talking about anything and I am respecting her wishes of a divorce however I want to stop it at all costs. We have generally been a happy couple with normal hiccups along the way. We both sporty and have raised 3 amazing kids.

She says there is no chance of reconciliation and the divorce is to go on full blast.

She is an awesome girl with not a bad bone in her body but the last 3 weeks I have seen someone I never knew and keeps saying you see you won’t change to me. However I feel the last 3 weeks I have done a complete U- turn and I am trying to save this marriage with all I have. We both very social (me a lot more) and I enjoy a few beers with the boys or even with her.

I cannot explain this behavior. She is currently living with her mom and we have split the time up with the kids 50/50

I am 37 and she is 29 and had kids very young. However the age gap seems big we have always shared common interests and goals. She has had depression before and also has issues with her dad and I’m wondering if she hasn’t had depression the past few months and the idiot I am have ignored the signs. I h e always motivated her and put her first and we both AMAZING. Parents.

I have wondered if there is someone else. She has changed all her passwords (after calling for divorce) but I just don’t think it is someone else and I’m not always the most trusting

I can’t lose this girl and even though divorce is in play I am still hoping to win her back. We both Christian but she has pushed all the good people/Christians away during this time saying they are over powering.

Things have gotten heated the past few weeks but today I managed to sit her down for once and tell her I respect her decision however I am fighting until the end for her. We hugged but she put her head on my chest and felt like she was breathing deeper and nearly felt like we would have make up sex but then she pushed it away. I also told her she is always welcome home and the door is open.

I may have also been a bit pushy the first few weeks of trying to reconcile while she was begging for space

Help

Hi Fabes, welcome to Marriage Builders. I would first quietly snoop around to see if there is another man. Don't ask her, but quietly investigate. Perhaps put a GPS on her car and see where she goes. This sounds like she might be having an affair and you need to first rule that out. In the meantime, you need to be the best husband you can be. No more fighting, no more pushing her to work against her will.

So if I do find out she is having an affair what do I do?

If not then what do I do?

I would start by slipping a GPS on her car to see where she goes. Do you have access to her phone bills? Can you see her phone calls and texts? You are limited because she has already moved out, so you will have to be creative.

Are you aware of any male friends she might have? Have you had suspicions?

You need to first rule this out, because the advice we give you will be completely different if there is an affair.

I must say up until the day she left we had each other on the find my friends app as we both active. Also never noticed any funny business. A week ago I asked her if she was involved with anyone and she said no and also showed me her phone. So unless she is very good at hiding this I don’t know

Asking her is about the worst method because if she is having an affair, she will deny it and just get more secretive. Obviously you have wondered about it or you wouldn't have asked. I can think of many, many ways she could hide an affair from you. This is why you need to start snooping and see what you find. I have been here every day for 18 years and women don't just get up and leave over a fight. They won't even leave if they are being abused. But they will leave if they are having an affair.


You say you had her on "my friends" app but I can think of many ways she could conduct an affair outside of that. You asked for her phone? You do realize that texts and emails can be deleted, right? Most affairees are very good at hiding, many even buy secret second phones.

Dr Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders wrote this: here

Can I still salvage the marriage

Absolutely! Once you get the facts, we will give you next steps to saving your marriage. But first, you need to be absolutely sure about what is going on.

Thank you Melody

Have put plans in place

Good man! If you find something, please do not confront her yet! Come here first and tell us what you have found.. We want to help you manage that discovery in the most beneficial way.

I am yet to find out anything. I have my serious doubts that she has somebody else. Maybe a one night stand has ended up in a whole lot of guilt. I do not know? I however feel she is heavily depressed and somehow portraying all this hate towards me despite my kindness etc

What spy methods have you used?

Fabes, thanks for checking, but don't stop. But I do suspect she is in an affair. In the meantime, I would follow the guidelines in this article: MY SPOUSE JUST LEFT ME. NOW WHAT?

I have come across things that are not right. She has googled an affair and I also see she has sent some pics of her in panties. She also googled dating younger guys vs older guys but have no evidence of the other guy. What do I do now

Do nothing. That is not proof of an affair. What are your spy methods? Have you studied her cell phone bill? Can you afford a PI to see what she is doing?

Sent some pics - where? You must have been able to see the recipient. (Don't name anyone on here.)

I have checked her iCloud account

Raunchy pics

Googling affairs

Constantly on her phone

She also Went away last week Tuesday night

My friend: is there a shortage of gigabytes where you live?

Can you try answering our questions more fully, so that we can help?

"Raunchy pics" - to whom?

Unfortunately I cannot see who she has sent the pics to as its on iCloud. However the iPhone has placed the photos 3 hours away from home. She didn’t call her kids that night or next morning. Not like her. She says she was at her moms house. Everything is pointing to an affair but unfortunately I cannot see who she has sent the photos too. But they are definitely been sent to someone. She ya also googled “dating older men” she has also googled “types of affairs” don’t know how else to prove it. Haven’t got a PI

If I understand correctly, iCloud backs up files. It doesn't show that the files were sent to anyone - they could just be back-ups from her phone. Is that correct?

What did she tell you about her plans not to come home that night? Did you know in advance that she was staying out? What reason did she give for staying at her mother's?