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Sheesh, man. Wife goes out tonight with her teacher friends for happy hour. She comes home and the boys and I are having dinner. Okey-dokey. I ask my wife how her chiropractor appointment went and she tells the boys and I that she has 2 ribs out of place because she sleeps on the couch.
We're supposed to change next weekend to get her off of the couch, but the basement won't be done in time. Why can't the basement be done in time? Did you tell her it would be?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sheesh, man. Wife goes out tonight with her teacher friends for happy hour. She comes home and the boys and I are having dinner. Okey-dokey. I ask my wife how her chiropractor appointment went and she tells the boys and I that she has 2 ribs out of place because she sleeps on the couch.
We're supposed to change next weekend to get her off of the couch, but the basement won't be done in time. Why can't the basement be done in time? Did you tell her it would be? Because I suck at doing home projects. Seriously, though, this is stuff I don't know how to do and takes me exponentially longer to do. And, yeah, three weeks ago we discussed getting her into what is now the office space because I'd have the basement far enough along to move our computer and office desk out so she could turn the office space into a bedroom space for her.
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Can you hire someone to do the things you suck at?
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Sheesh, man. Wife goes out tonight with her teacher friends for happy hour. She comes home and the boys and I are having dinner. Okey-dokey. I ask my wife how her chiropractor appointment went and she tells the boys and I that she has 2 ribs out of place because she sleeps on the couch.
We're supposed to change next weekend to get her off of the couch, but the basement won't be done in time. Why can't the basement be done in time? Did you tell her it would be? Because I suck at doing home projects. Seriously, though, this is stuff I don't know how to do and takes me exponentially longer to do. And, yeah, three weeks ago we discussed getting her into what is now the office space because I'd have the basement far enough along to move our computer and office desk out so she could turn the office space into a bedroom space for her. One of her biggest complaints is that you make promises and don't follow through. I would find a way to get this done asap. What was the timeline you gave her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sent this -
It would be nice to get you off of the couch and into a more comfortable sleeping and living arrangement. How do you feel about these suggestions? I think there's room in the main living room and the basement living room for you to work out and would remove the need to empty out right away the closet space and relocate the desk, PC, and the rest of the things down there. In this way, we can switch you up to the bedroom and I'll sleep in the office while finishing up the basement.
I'll commit to getting the rest of the drywall up over the next 2 weekends so that all that is left to do is taping and mudding. if that's done, then the living space in the basement becomes uncluttered and a better spot for you to exercise relative to the upstairs living room. Ill sleep in the office and you can move back into the bedroom.
Let me know what you think. And her response to the above: "That compromise can work if the basement living area is a space that i can work out in. If by Thanksgiving that space works then I am ok with you keeping your computer in the office. If it doesn't work then I will move into the office. I will help with the basement project if you tell me when i need to be available and for how long." BY THANKSGIVING! You agreed to this being done by Thanksgiving.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sheesh, man. Wife goes out tonight with her teacher friends for happy hour. She comes home and the boys and I are having dinner. Okey-dokey. I ask my wife how her chiropractor appointment went and she tells the boys and I that she has 2 ribs out of place because she sleeps on the couch.
We're supposed to change next weekend to get her off of the couch, but the basement won't be done in time. Why can't the basement be done in time? Did you tell her it would be? Because I suck at doing home projects. Seriously, though, this is stuff I don't know how to do and takes me exponentially longer to do. And, yeah, three weeks ago we discussed getting her into what is now the office space because I'd have the basement far enough along to move our computer and office desk out so she could turn the office space into a bedroom space for her. Am I wrong in seeing a pattern here? You tell your wife you will do something and it doesn't get done. In her diary she was furious about promises you had made that were never filled. In this very thread, it has been like pulling teeth to get you to follow through. This seems to be a pattern that would drive most women to fury and is still going on here. When you tell her you are going to do something, you have to follow through or she won't trust you. If you want to turn this marriage around, you need to address and CORRECT this quick. It is very passive aggressive to agree to something and never follow through. It is also very, very destructive to marriages. [as you have learned]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Think of the joy you could give her if you surpriseed hrr with the project finished!
me, DH
all the children
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I was never going to be able to finish this project. I don't know why I ever agreed to purchase a house that needed major renovations.
I've been thinking about this pattern for weeks now. I'm all talk and very little action. In my head I want to do these things and know that doing them would make other happy and then I often fail to follow through.
I don't if this is pure laziness, a reflection that I just don't care, an indication that Im not interested... I keep thinking about Harley's thought that if I was offered a million dollars tondo the things necessary to save my marriage, would I?
All of these piled up unfulfilled promises... Maybe I'm not really interested in saving this marriage and just like my angry outbursts I'm purely motivated by reactionary emotion rather than intentional will.
What a shame.
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And, damn it, does anyone get how **EDIT** hard it is to wake up and get myself motivated to do something that directly benefits my wife, this woman who shows zero damned remorse for cheating on me and her family? Like right now... Last night I went to bed thinking about all the work to be done in the basement. I wake up this morning and zero motivation. She's down there worrying about how to divorce me and still likely pining about the other man and I'm supposed to have the motivation to get her off the couch? **EDIT**
Last edited by Denali; 11/23/19 11:05 AM. Reason: TOS cussing
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I've been awake now for only 20 minutes and all I feel is this roiling anger inside of me. I'm gonna put myself through a vicious hell trying to do stuff I just don't know how to do and for what... To hope my wife back to me?
I'll breaking my [censored] off doing this work and mentally killing myself for not doing a very good job while she's figuring out ways to be with the OM.
I should be getting garbage bags and filing them with her [censored] and putting it outside my house.
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Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go do what you promised to do! It is not always about you. Your objective is to be the kind of man she would want to stay married to. One of her major complaints is that you don't follow through. You need to stop doing that!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Nothing I'm doing matters a whit. I've been a bad person, a bad husband, a bad father and this is the consequence for that.
I've badly misread this situation. Shes done. She's had a taste of the other side with a person that is a 1000x better than me.
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Go downstairs and everyone is on a screen. Say good morning toy boys and nothing. No response at all. Wife is buried on her school laptop and says nothing to me, she's probably engrossed in why her f#$king OM isn't emailing her.
And Im supposed to be motivated to go work my crap job, do home jobs that I have neither the knowledge or tools to do, right? Right?
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Who am I kidding?
If I really wanted to save my family and marriage I would have already changed. But I haven't. Hence, I'm not interested in my family or marriage. As my wife has repeatedly said, I'm only interested in the thought and idea of marriage.
I've fooled myself into thinking I can be a better person.
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I'm finally realizing that the charade is really over.
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Nothing I'm doing matters a whit. I've been a bad person, a bad husband, a bad father and this is the consequence for that.
I've badly misread this situation. Shes done. She's had a taste of the other side with a person that is a 1000x better than me. Good grief. Was this written by your 10 year old? You need to get a grip on yourself and grow the hell up. The objective here is to become the kind of husband she wants to stay married to. Throwing FITS and feeling sorry for yourself achieves nothing. Just do what you promised to do.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm finally realizing that the charade is really over. Unbelievable. This is exactly how your 10 yr old acts. When asked to do something, he throws a fit. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You know, I already raised my son and if he ever acted like this, he would get the [censored] whooping of his life. To see a grown man act like this is unbelievable. How do you justify this behavior?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sure be nice to have her **edit** boyfriend in town. He'd be able to finish this project. He'd have the tools. He's have the money to have some other schlep do the work.
Wouldn't that be nice?
Last edited by Denali; 11/23/19 11:03 AM. Reason: TOS cussing
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