Nope, none.

What needs to get done?

In other words, you don't care about getting the job done. I think that's pretty clear. One of your wife's main complaints is that you make promises and don't follow through. More of the same is not going to change her mind, it is just going to reinforce her desire to get out of the marriage. We can't help you if you refuse to resolve her main complaints. Even if you decide to leave this marriage, this will be a problem in any future relationships. This is a very bad habit that CAN BE overcome, but you have to want to do it.

Not having people around who cannot are available to help doesn't signal that I want or do not want to get the job done. Me going to HD to get the stuff I need and spending hours doing work yesterday and today already signals that I want to get it done.

I've wasted so much time in my life and this project is indicative of that. Start with a bang, encounter a problem stop for a long time, restart and hit a snag, stop again, wash rinse repeat.

A person who really wants something finds a way.
A person who doesn‘t really want something finds a reason (to explain why it‘s impossible).

NO, but coming on here complaining about why you can't do the job for 3 days DOES. I thought I was reading the posts of a 10 yr old.

You can turn things around as the others have told you already. Do the best you can to finish the job. Maybe your wife can help you,and maybe that could turn into a love deposit for both of you. The boys are even old enough to help. When my son was 3 yrs old he was laying underneath the high chair trying to take it apart with real tools while his little sister sat in it eating lunch. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

My husband cheated on me and we are nearly 3 years post his affair. It’s not easy but is worth every effort to save your marriage and it is up to you to make it happen. It’s much easier to remain a whole family than to be a single parent.

To this day, my husband starts jobs and doesn’t finish anything. I can’t stand it but I look beyond what’s not done and see what has been done. He does try hard to make me happy. Comparing him to someone else is unfair. Just as you think your wife compares you to the OM, he’s yesterdays trash. Leave him there for the trash man to haul him away. Time to think about yourself as a couple today and stop living in the affair-world. It happened and I’m sorry you had to experience the most traumatic event of your life. But, you must be strong and pick up the pieces and move forward. Your wife doesn’t have the strength at this time. She needs you to be strong to carry you both forearm for richer or poorer. Just do it.

I love Muffy's idea of getting your boys to help. I was about to suggest this. It will be a great bonding experience for the three of you. I am betting your wife starts to join in if she sees they are getting stuck in. My son and I love doing projects together, he is so logical and of course full of energy. Just be careful not to shut out your younger son from the process, give him his own part.

Sit down and discuss everything with pencil and paper so that they see how planning part works. List out the various parts of the project and do drawings It will be a fantastic lesson on how to get things done for them as well as a huge help for you.

Wife just told me that our youngest also has a counseling appointment with a behavioral therapist (ended up there based on an intake call with our insurance provider).

As we chatted about it a few things came up and I expressed to my wife why I was surprised when I found our oldest had an appintment. So we chatted a few minutes about that.

With our youngest, we're both concerned with his language and not just the f-bombs stuff, but when he gets really distressed he will say that wants to kill himself. Further, he not only says this while in distress, but also the day following per my wife when he's calm. He's never said that to me and this is the first I am hearing of it.

My wife asked me if our youngest has ever said that he wished that she were dead. I said no. I saw where this was going and asked if our youngest has said the same about me. She said yes.

I just walked away...I don't know how to process this. How do I even think about this? I'm devastated. And it just adds another layer to this cake that is me being a bad person in my wife's eyes.

The bad news here is that he thinks about killing himself. She is right to get professional help!

I know....

My DD was suicidal when her dad and I were divorcing too, had I known I would have put it on hold until she was safe and stable for a period of time. I’m so grateful your son was able to tell your DW, you all are doing something right for sure. Please consider emailing Dr. H with your wife in addition to the help you’re getting him. He can help you guys with a parenting plan, it’s been a few weeks and it’s still daily frustration for the 3 of you.

When is the appointment for your son with the therapist? Are you going to the appointment?

I've given up.

What do you mean? Given up fighting for the marriage, for your kids’ mental health or what?

Succes is not that you don‘t stumble and fall, it is that you scramble back up onto your feet again after falling in the mud face first.

To give up means that you have tried seriously and fought with those inner and outer demons. You cannot claim to give up if you were not all in in the first place. That‘s just rolling over.

You are either depressed or not capable. But you would have felt better in the end if you had given it your very best shot and then failed, instead of doing some of the necessary things some of the time.

Have you consulted your doctor for antidepressants and have you considered adult ADHD? Did you contact Dr Harley?

I have treated many patients and the reason I was sceptical about your progress was that people on here where putting more thought in saving your marriage - or at least so it seemed - then you yourself Sir.

That is a common pattern: those who want an excuse to do nothing will find reasons to do just that. Those who really want to achieve something, find a way and put all of their effort into it.

We are not saying you are the bad guy here, but you have potential that has not come to fruition in practical results.

Given up trying to fight for my marriage. I don't know of my heart was never in it. I don't know if I was simply resistant to changing myself fully. I don't know of I was incapable of imagining and doing what was necessary to fight for my marriage. But I know that Ive failed.

I've tried anti-depressant medication. With my IC we decided that it wasn't effective, however, I have not pursued working with a psychiatrist to see if a different approach might be effective. Have not been tested for ADHD. Didn't contact Harley.

And perhaps you're right that I didn't give it my best shot. For several months I was absolutely a different person and my wife recognized it, but she still continued to cheat and when that was discovered, she wanted divorce. I don't think there's anything to do here but protect myself now.

Perhaps they were putting more thought into. I was not not doing something. As you can see in this thread, I've struggled to simply get myself on track as well as consider what and how to do the things necessary to fight for this marriage.

I still cannot imagine the things to do to fight for my marriage. Or maybe I can and am unwilling, such as quitting my job and moving to another state.

In any case, I still don't know or understand what I could have or should have been doing.

I'm simply going dark on my wife now. I learned about another contact with the OM and am simply crushed. I have no energy to be at home. I have no interest in being at home. Christmas is already ruined. My wife seems happy but she is a cheating witch so why shouldn't she be.

I don't even look at her and try to say as little as possible. I wrote myself notes now reminding myself that she was willing to have me support her and pay for her master's while cheating on me and the kids; that she's behaved inappropriately with other men during our marriage; that she blames me for her cheating to rationalize my going dark.

She wrote me an email this morning on the basis that we haven't had time to talk...the real case is that I am simply not talking to her. In this email she goes on about money and how I haven't yet deposited my share into our joint account.

I want to reply by telling her if she's that concerned about it then she should use the money she got for selling the ring I gave to her and that she didn't have the honor and dignity to give back to me. Or that she should hit up her boyfriend for money if she's concerned about it. Or I'll just ignore it.

She also writes that she sees how much the marriage is hurting me and offers to pursue mediation and let me pick the mediator since she picked the last and I cancelled it. She notes that she can't pursue the legal work without the aide of a professional, hence, she says we should do mediation to "dissolve" the marriage. I simply want to tell her to use the money from selling the ring I gave to her or contact her boyfriend to help her. On the other hand...

I just don't know what to do. I am completely lost. You folks have seen how I have struggled to even think about how to move forward let along formulate the ideas to do so. I don't know if it's fear or something else that has me frozen it seems.