Yep, and my settlement with her will be to buy her out of the house and get her out asap.

Found my wife is completing divorce paperwork...


It appears that she's petitioning to be awarded the house; child support in the amount of $1200; 25%-75% split on uninsured medical costs; spousal support in the amount of $250 per month for 5 years; and a parenting plan where I get the kids 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends of the month.

What is your plan and what actions are you taking? Do you have legal advice?

Strategize.

Remember to carry a VAR with you in case you need to record a conversation. And whatever you do, don't let your anger and emotions get the better of you. Emotions cannot make intelligent decisions.

Do you understand now why you need a lawyer? She will financially destroy you. And don't be surprised if the OM moves into your house. I am not joking. The objective of wayward wives is to replace you entirely with the OM. You really need to get a lawyer and get good legal protectton.

AND carry a recorder like goody2shoes recommended. Now is the time you are most vulnerable to having the cops called on you. If you have a fight, she can call the police, say she is "scared" and you will be removed!

I have a lawyer that I talked to yesterday afternoon. She provided me with a couple names of mediators. She'll help me by reviewing any agreement I arrive at with my stbxw.

Last night I told the stbxw that I was ready to try a mediated divorce meaning that we would review the forms necessary and get as far as we could on a division of assets (really none other than house and retirement), custody, parenting time, and spousal support (child support is determined by law here).

So, this weekend, we'll start gathering info and discussing those things. If we get stuck, then we'll have a mediator help us get unstuck. I took pictures of the paperwork she started and know where she's landed on spousal support and wanting to be awarded the house.

Whatever terms we reach I'll review with my own attorney.

Regarding the house: even with the spousal support she's come up with and her salary she can't afford the house mortgage so I'm not sure how she affords that.

To pay for the house I raided one of my retirement accounts so I'll demand at least half of that back plus half of any appreciation in house value. But I want the house.

I wager she expects you to pay the mortgage in addition to spousal support.

So we're moving on to mediation. I'm selecting the mediator and setting up the time. She doesn't want to try to resolve some of the division of assets with just the 2 of us.

I'm going this route because in a contested divorce in court I will lose big plus I'll be paying for it.

In the meantime it's so hard not to be passive aggressive and snarky. For instance, I get this text:

"Are you available Saturday evening to be home with the boys?"

Uh, yeah, because I'm not going out on the weekends or during the week to hang out with friends or find dates.

I want to reply, "So you're asking me to babysit while you date? Why don't we do that after we're divorced?" Or, "Please don't ask me to babysit our children so you can go find new f&#@ buddies".

She's probably going to a Xmas party at our friends house, but still, I hate the types of questions.

Further, we normally did a family star wars movie thing each Xmas day and she did buy 4 tickets for this year so we'd all go as a family. I don't want to go as I don't want to be around her. So I'm thinking to tell her to return my ticket and I'll tell the boys I'm not going and spend Xmas Eve day with them doing something fun.

She is dating the OM??

No.

I'm being snarky. She probably has a Xmas party to go to and all I can imagine is she's out there shopping herself.

Edit - that's being too polite. Because I am enraged by all of this and think the absolute worst about my cheating wife, whenever she is not home I simply assume she's out looking for a new man.

Our oldest boy stayed home from school today. He called us both to tell us and I forgot to call his schools attendance line.

She just texted me if I had called and I do want to text back that I assumed since she had time to send thousands of texts to the OM last school year that she had plenty of time at her job to call our sons school.

I'm am so sickened by my wife. Every interaction is colored by it.

Got to get this divorce done quickly. I can't stand being near this woman.

I asked the boys about a big dinner Saturday night and my wife asks me if that means that I am available to be home with the boys that night. I said sure I am, I'll be home with out bys while you do your single life thing. She got all huffy and later I see a text to her girlfriend about my passive aggressiveness is BS and she can't wait for parenting time to set. I have a mind to text her the following:

"Don't complain about me being passive aggressive. I'm not down with "being home with the boys" while you go out on dates, go out with the OM, and go to parties trying to find other men and lie to the boys and I about it. You can do that after we're divorced. You're the cheater, the adulterer. I'm angry about that. Have a little dignity."

I'm so disgusted by my wife. Asking me if I will be home to be with the boys so she can go w@#re herself out...sheesh.

When you think the worst, you will act on that. Try to keep busy with other thoughts than thoughts that will enrage you. If you cannot stop thinking those had thoughrs, substract 7 from 2054 and continue until you get below 10. Or spell your name backwards. And your children's names. And birth dates. Your brain cannot think of things your wife might do when it has to solve more complex math or language and agressive thoughts will let you lose your temper with your wife. Losing your temper with her will lose you your custody and other divorce settlements.

When you let your thoughts go willd, it will be the worst anger management ever. Don't let yourself go down that path. Be a sane parent. Stop the angry thoughts. There is no gain in angry thoughts.

Just to emphasise - be the boss of your emotions. If you let your emotions make your decisions, you will lose everything that is dear to you. Get in the drivers seat and take over the steering wheel.

That IS very passive aggressive. it seems like you are going out of your way to be as unpleasant and difficult as possible. This is terrible for your relationship and only reminds her of why she wants to get out of the marriage. You are both being very poor role models for your sons. If you can't control your anger, I would get separated as soon as you can. It doesn't help any of you to live in this toxic environment.

As the others have been trying to tell you, that you really need to get in control of your anger and emotions.

Read Anger Management 101

Have you got yourself a galvanic skin response reader?

DrD please consider listening daily to the radio show I think you will find it great therapy to replace your rage with thoughtfulness towards yourself and your kids. This is your kids’ mother and they can sense your rage towards her and it hurts them.

Also, how is your son doing? Did you go with him to his appointment?

She ended up canceling the appointment.

She's out tonight...as has been the case for years, I'm unable to sleep until she gets home. As has been the case for years, I assume she is out with other men and/or sleeping with other men. I know that's irrational, but it's the way my head is wired. I think she's at our friend's xmas party, but, again, I just assume it's a party where she gets to meet new men.

I know my behaviors pushed her away; that my behaviors made her feel lonely; that my behaviors made her feel uncared for. That doesn't stop me from feeling absolutely disgusted by her every time I see her. It's sickening to see her get dressed up t o go out. I wish there was a way to force her out of this house since she so badly wants to be divorced.