Read another text from my wife to her best friend. She has filed for divorce but not yet served me. She indicated to her friend that she was seeking the house and giving me little time with the boys. She further indicated that she was going to use mediation for retirement and pension issues.

She further told her friend that if we couldn't resolve those issues in mediation then it's have to go court and the character of each of us which she told her friend I wouldn't go to court because of my own character issues.

I also saw a text to her mom where she chided her mom for suggesting that she stick with the marriage. She told her mom her mom she got married for the wrong reasons and she might divorce for the wrong reasons but that they are her reasons.

I wonder I should beat her to the punch and file and serve her asap.

What does your lawyer recommend?

I just emailed her.

My attorney basically told me let her file first and then we will respond and can pursue mediation then. Basically seemed to suggest that I shouldn't be sweating this.

Read some more of my wife's writing tonight. It's weird because I am not sure if she is writing as though she's preparing to talk to the OM or is in active communication or even meeting up with him. The writing suggests all three. The pickle that I am in is that the OMW has asked not to text her any more with my suspicions of my wife. This followed me texting her about my wife going out to a xmas party and then going for a run alone. But I feel compelled to send her pics of the writing that I took. A mutual friend of the OMW and I suggested not to that, as the OMW is attempting to recover from alcoholism, my texts may just be overwhelming her.

**EDIT**

I can't figure out if she's reflecting, preparing to communicate, or, in part, like the showing up part they seemed to have met, and in another part, she's has told him or is telling him that she needs to run alone.

Then there's this page from her about me:
**EDIT**

I guess I shouldn't be really worrying about this...we're getting divorced.

Then again, I read something like this and I delude myself into thinking that she's thought about the marriage could be saved but abandons it because, well, the OM is still in picture or it'd just be too hard to recover for both of us, etc:
**EDIT**

Feel compelled to text her to ask why she continues to pursue and interfere with the OM and OMW attempts to recover their marriage...Maybe I shouldn't text because it's a digital record. Perhaps I will just confront her tomorrow about it. This is sickening behavior.

I just wish I hadn't damaged my relationship with the OMW. She needs to know what my wife continues to do and what her husband is potentially engaging in.

She said suspicions. She did not say do not send the truth.

You can see from her writing and from the text that they are still in touch. Why didn't you put the spyware back on the phone? You need to get that back on and start collecting real evidence.

I wouldn't send the OM's wife these journal photos only because that will tip off the OM that you are looking at her journal. He will tell your wife. The OM W's recovery from alcoholism has nothing to do with it. I say this as an AA member with 35 years sobriety. The OM's wife needs to know her husband is shagging your wife regardless of whether she is an alcoholic or not. But you have already told her and giving her these journal pages will just hurt your spy resources.

I would get REAL evidence and then expose them all again. It's very obvious the affair is ongoing and you have a right to demand they end the affair as long as you are married.

Get the evidence then blow up the OM's facebook page with a big exposure.

"Feel compelled to text her to ask why she continues to pursue and interfere with the OM and OMW attempts to recover their marriage"

That is passive aggressive. Be more aggressive. Put the spyware back on her phone so you can catch them together and read her texts.

How are they communicating? Via text? Do you know if they talk on the phone?

I don't know how they are communicating. I imagine it's via text and email.

I've looked for opportunities to place the spyware back on her phone but it's almost always locked and when I get a look it's for no more than a minute.

I thought last night about re-exposing them but her family is already aware that we're getting a divorce.

The OM doesnt use FB.

What does it look like to demand that she end the affair?

All anger this morning. I feel incapable of interacting with my "wife" with anything other than pure contempt. For example, she asks me this morning if I have plans tomorrow and all I did was roll my eyes, shake my head and reply no.

After she asked the boys if they wanted to go snow-shoeing tomorrow I asked her why she asked if I had plans. Her reply was that if I did then she wouldn't go snow-shoeing and I quietly responded so you need a babysitter.

I can't even look at this woman right now without asking her if she's still planning to meet the OM to go for a run or ask her which of her friends are making their home available for her and the OM to get together.

I want to text the OMW, but all I have is what I read in my wife's writing.

Also, to date, I've continued to let the OMs sons to come over and play. Partly out of laziness and partly because I don't want to punish these boys.

I'm trying to figure out how to explain to the OMs boys why they cant come over anymore.

All I can imagine is that one or both of them come over and I explain that they're not to come over because their presence in my home reminds me of my wife and their dad cheating together and that hurts me; that their presence here encourages my wife to continue to pursue their dad and live the fantasy of being their mom; and ...

My boys know the pin to unlock my wife's phone and while I could ask them to tell me what it is that would be putting them in a tough spot. Plus, I've sensed that the boys know I'm not supposed to know their moms pin as they don't unlock the phone while I'm around.

Interesting development... Pulled in from picking up one of my boys and the OMW is here. Talk to her for a few outside and I find out that my texts last week caused the OMW to drink then call her brother and told him about the affair and now he's angry with the OM. The OMW then tells me that they've been keeping the affair a secret. So she's blaming my text for that.

I explained to her again that I was texting her about my wife because her marriage can't be worked on while my wife continues trying to contact and meet the OM. The OMW then proceeded to tell me that she believes there's no contact between my wife and the OM because the OM insists that there is no contact. So I shared almost everything I read in my wife's writing and suggested that the there's two possibilities, either there in contact and he's lying to her or my wife is simply communicating with no return communication.

Then the OMW tells me that she doesn't want her oldest son over at my house any more and vice versa with my sons. I told her I agree and then she asked if my wife was home. We go inside and the OMW explains that she doesn't want the boys in each others homes and I also say I agree. The OMW thennasks my wife to go outside to talk. I don't know what they're talking about but after a few minutes I do heary wife tell the OMW "good for you" and they're laughing loudly a few minutes after that. Wtf?

So you need to figure it out. I didn't say to expose about your divorce, but about the affair. The affair needs to be exposed again.

You have had lots of time to find his parents and family. You will need to expose to them. I don't appreciate being dismissed. You come here and ask for advice and then summarily dismiss it. I don't understand why. Your own best thinking has led you to this terrible place. What is the point of posting here if you aren't going to take the advice?


You would demand she end her affair with this married man as long as you are married. I would also check into filing on grounds of adultery. Even in no fault states they do take it into consideration when it comes to custody and financial division.

And this is just silly and passive agressive. Who cares if you ask if "she's still planning to meet the OM to go for a run?" Stop being PA, get the evidence, expose and shut this down.

Do you honestly think that taking girlish cheap shots at her will stop the affair? I assure you it won't. You need to be more strategic and planful. Get the evidence, expose it and shut this down.